Defining Our Lives
It is fascinating to observe the diversity of house structures. There are single story, sprawling buildings; thin two story homes; ranchers; cape cods; barn type arrangements; split level; tri-level, and a host more! Some have large, expansive porches, others no porch; some have pools and tennis courts, some boast elaborate landscaping or a neat, well kept garden, while others have a simple bush or flower bed in front and others invite animals with dense undergrowth.
I am partial to plantation houses and also large cabins you will likely find in a wooded area. The plantation houses with wide columned porches and hallways within are a reminder of another era, long past. The cabins also reflect another generation and part of our pioneering history.
It’s also interesting to consider the people inside. Are the occupants a reflection of their home? Do those inside a plantation home share the values of a Southern state a hundred years ago? Or are those who live in ranchers, those who like the idea of ranching even if funds and geography doesn’t allow it? Do the surrounding landscaped grounds echo the beauty we see or does the uncut grass reverberate a person who doesn’t see the need for a neat and tidy living area or is he perhaps in need of assistance because he is no longer able to keep up?
There is something elegant and beautiful about tall corn stalks and tall trees. Yet I absolutely detest low bushy brush areas, especially around a house. I find it unnerving and want it cleared away. It creates tension and unease. When a defined horizontal line in the sky is added on the horizon, the picture changes to beautiful, and completely calming, giving stability and order.
What about our lives? Do we live our lives with defined structure? If someone were to define your character would it include a theoretical design? What would your shape be? Would there be straight lines going vertical and horizontal like a box or a building including windows for others to see in and a door for entry? Or would it be round implying no real set boundaries but rather going with the flow or complete passivity? Or would there be lots of jagged edges like the brush denoting spurs of tension and discord?
How we live our lives can be defined by boundaries and structure, or “freely” without care of limits inferring lack of responsibility and concern for others. To live without responsibility creates jagged lines of tension that tend to annoy or even bring harm to someone else because of the sharp edges, much like the low brush that makes me uneasy. It seems in this environment, the dark side of life seems to creep out and startle others.
When our lives are lived with at least a measure of boundaries, we infer trust and consistency others can depend on. Our “straight edges” give stability even when the world seems to be crumbling around us. It’s calming and reassuring, giving a picture of peace. This isn’t to say there aren’t moments of “sharp edges” when days are filled with problems we weren’t prepared for!
So I you to encourage you to consider how others picture your lives. Does your life reflect order, stability and peace; or does it mirror discord, unhappiness and strife? If you aren’t happy with what you see, is there something you can do about it?
That isn’t always the case. You can’t change your height, your family genetics or a disability. These are elements in our lives which remain constant. Yet, like the houses mentioned, there are changes we can make ‘on the exterior’ by weight loss or exercise if needed, a hair style change, wearing contacts instead of glasses, or even a wardrobe change.
Internally, we can increase our education, change jobs to maximize our gifts and talents, create a new ‘friend circle’ which is encouraging and positive, learn a new language, adjust our habits and move to new levels in life, or a hundred other options.
Perhaps today is the time to accept responsibility and make changes.
Photo Credit:https://better.com/content/how-to-choose-between-different-types-of-houses/
Simple But Significant
I tend to gravitate toward simplicity. Complicated just ruins my day and frustrates me. That might be why Math is so challenging.—at least College Algebra! There are way to many steps to get to the right answer! I like order, so I am a list maker by nature and even used this strategy when I had numerous steps necessary to get a Math problem complete.
I make them for everything; from the traditional grocery or shopping list, to cleaning and what’s in the freezer, or books I’d like to read. It seems to help keep me headed in the right direction as to what comes next. I don’t necessarily number them in urgency priority. I guess I figure that out as I go along.
Having a list, I’ve found, not only keeps me grounded but helps at the end of the day when I can see all the tasks boasting a huge scratch out, that I’ve accomplished something for the day. It seems to give added significance and purpose to what I’ve done.
We all need affirmation from time to time that what we do is not only necessary but worthwhile. One of the quickest ways for me to find myself sinking into despair is to have that feeling of worthlessness. And it might sound silly, but when I can’t “see” what I’ve done, I get this awful sense of failure! I feel like I’ve wasted time and often, when I’m feeling this way I am easily overcome with fatigue. It’s more physically draining than having worked hard!
Someone shared a story about a kindness she’d witnessed where a woman drove into this large parking lot, exposed two large Tupperware tubs which had holes cut into one end, serving as entrances, so the large pack of cats who lived in this parking lot and unlikely living space, could find food and ultimately even shelter. The tubs were pushed back out of the way, but accessible to the felines. It’s possible she could have rounded up all the purring critters, and taken them home. But that might not have been practical and this solution kept things simple!
I suggest, as odd as this story sounds, this woman had a simple, significant purpose and to carry out the task successfully must have given her great satisfaction. Isn’t that what we all really want out of our day to day existence? It goes beyond just “finishing a job.” We want to do the job, do it well, and know that it’s appreciated. I suspect the cats in this case, were extremely grateful for this selfless act of kindness.
People are of greater value than cats. I encourage you to consider the people in your life; those you see every day or even those you have minimal contact with, but are part of your weekly routine. Is there a simple act of kindness that would give you a solid sense of purpose? Sometimes we avoid people who make us nervous, like a disabled person, or a CEO who we are certain finds us unworthy of his friendship, or even a homeless person who we don’t know—and perhaps likes it this way!
Make a list! Be creative and write down the many significant ways (even the little ones!) you could keep simplicity in your life, have a sense of order, yet a solid sense of purpose. A disabled person might need your encouragement with a small act of kindness or even a smile! A CEO might need a simple ‘hello’ (good morning or afternoon), or small tin of cookies or cupcakes to brighten his busy day. A homeless person could probably use a $5-$10 gift card from a local fast food place.
We are all given gifts, and some would say “some perhaps more than others”. It’s easy to feel intimidated by someone who has much—or different from us. Regardless of your status—-or differences, be thankful for all your gifts…and share with others as you are able. You will be filled with a sense of accomplishment and the recipient will be filled with immeasurable gratitude.
Photo Credit: https://www.dreamstime.com/photos-images/kindness.html
Uniquely Human
I was reading about a little boy in southern France, back in the 1800’s, who for much of his young life, lived in the wild. When he was found, his only sounds were grunting and growling. It’s hard to imagine such a tragedy being truth. This sounds like something you’d only see in some dramatic television show.
What is sad, is not only was this child’s ability to communicate with others completely inhibited, but also the ability for him to form thoughts and express his feelings and emotions. His inner self was bankrupt, not because he had it and lost it, but because it never had a chance to form and grow!
The ability to think through, identify and share our innermost feelings is unique to the human being. We have the ability to empathize, understand, share, feel anger, fright, joy, excitement, and anxiety. And what’s more, we have the capability to share each of these feelings with others. We also have the potential for achievement and fulfilling dreams.
As youngsters we imagine what we’ll be when we grow up. Little boys often dream of being a race car driver, firefighter, cowboy, policeman or farmer. Little girls want to teach, be a nurse, a momma or ballerina. As the little ones grow into teenagers the boys want to be a veterinarian, programmer, engineer, or biologist and girls want to be photographer, author, clothes designer, or model. We are given the ability to consider all our options due to life experiences and education, weigh the odds or pros and cons from a variety of different perspectives, reflect on our own feelings regarding each of the options, and do the necessary research to finally make a good decision about what we want to do with our life.
I can’t imagine what it would be like to be unable to communicate how I feel with others or make a decision based on my likes, dislikes, education, and natural abilities. Yet, there are children world wide, while perhaps not nearly in as bad a shape as the little guy in the 1800’s mentioned in the opening paragraph, who live a life completely depleted of many of the basics of life most of us take for granted. They are starving for food, in need of medicine and decent housing, robbed of an education, emotionally wrought and craving for tender loving care.
To be human is a unique gift, yet sometimes we not only forget it, we don’t even think about it. It’s fascinating watching my grandchildren grow. As a parent I was awed as I watched them change from newborns, to toddlers, preschoolers, teens and finally adults. But those changes were intermingled with the task of parenting, work and “life,” causing fatigue and missed moments. As a grandparent, the joy of just “watching” is wonderful! To see my grandchildren grow within their specific families, at all the different stages without the obligation of “parenting” creates it’s own joy.
Children are an amazing gift we, as parents, grandparents and as a society, should cherish, rather than let slip away. They learn from us the importance of communication skills, how to show love and respect for others and how to use their unique human abilities to make a better world.
Do the children in your “corner of the world” see demonstrated, the best in human qualities? Perhaps this is the time to reflect on how we project our own communication skills. Do we like what we are projecting or should there be some positive changes?
#uniquelyhuman
Photo Credit: https://www.istockphoto.com/search/2/image?mediatype=photography&phrase=communication&page=2
I Am Not A Carpenter
I read an article recently I completely related to! The lady in the story tells of a situation where her silverware drawer broke. Considering both her grandfathers were skilled carpenters she was confident some of those skills would naturally be inherited. So singing the 1970’s song “I Am Woman” she picked up a Dremel and dove into the matter with full force.
Carefully reading the directions and twisting her body pretzel style underneath the cabinet, she drilled and screwed and then realizing a problem, removed herself from the wooden frame. In a horrible moment she realized she had measured wrong. Regrouping, she attacked the project again, drilling, screwing, with a bit of hammering here and there! The project finally completed, she stood back and admired her work and saw a visible gap and just a slight tilt in the drawer. Ultimately, she decided she was not a carpenter, and decided it would not be a profession she would pursue!
While the story made me giggle I couldn’t help but think about how many people actually take jobs they absolutely hate or cannot do well! They go to work everyday ruing the day they even applied, but at the same time knowing they need to be able to put food on the table.
In an article in Forbes Magazine, October 2013, a poll showed 87% of overall workers were not happy in their jobs. The article explains this environment creates the stage for a less safe and less productive workplace than if those same people liked their jobs. People want the right materials and equipment to do their jobs properly, as well as, the opportunity for upper mobility. They want to know their opinion counts and know their work is appreciated as a worker and as a person. 1
These are very valid reasons a person enjoys going to work; but I contend there are certainly more reasons a person does their work well. The very idea of being productive is reason to do a job well, or to make a difference! Sometimes it’s about the pay and that is very important, but if a person obtains satisfaction for helping someone who has less than they, or aid in some other life changing way, that very often, can be enough. That can make a person want to go to work!
Now I admit, I could not be a doctor or nurse, bookkeeper, rattlesnake handler, electrician or, like my friend a carpenter! We are all given gifts and abilities which balance with everyone else’s! It’s amazing to know we need each other. Just as we need all body parts to function at our best, right down to our toes and fingers, we need all the wide variety of abilities we can’t all possibly have.
But what about the person with a disability? They are often marginalized because of their ‘in-abilities’! What about their abilities??? How often does what they can do get brushed aside because we can’t see past what they cannot do.
I remember a TV show years ago about a young many who just returned from WWII who was now unable to walk and was resigned to a wheel chair. Getting a job was beyond a challenge. Finally with the help of friends, he learned how to navigate steps (so he could enter the building and was fitted with a car he could drive!) until the owner of the business finally admitted this young man has value!
I encourage you to look at your abilities and those ‘non-abilities’ you have because we all have them. None of us is capable of doing everything well, or even capable of doing everything. We have those tasks or jobs we do well, and those we aren’t ‘fitted’ for. It’s what gives the world balance.
We are each a unique creation, each with qualities and gifts. Let’s look at each other with new eyes and see what we each can do!
Picture Credit: https://pixabay.com/images/search/carpenter/
For The Love Of Dogs
September is National Service Dog month, and I think dogs are amazing! We had a Golden Retriever we called Lakota, some years back, for just over thirteen years. He was a gem. We now have a white German shepherd, Tatanka, who is also special, but with a totally different disposition. ‘Koda” was always loving and just wanted to be your best buddy! He hardly ever barked, but always let you know when someone was around, and in given circumstances would be a wonderful guard dog.
Once a neighbor’s dog was headed across our large lawn, headed straight for our daughter who was eight months pregnant. The lady next door was screaming, ‘He’s after her,” pointing to our daughter, while screaming at the dog to come back. Koda put himself between her and the oncoming dog. The dog plowed right into Koda, who was very sore for days, but it stopped the dog from plowing into our Beth.
’T’ (which he is often called) on the other hand, will bristle and bark when anyone comes in the driveway. Strangers are immediately fearful and sometimes stay in their car until one of us comes out to calm him. While he isn’t the ‘warm cuddly’ type, he absolutely knows his ‘charges’ and dares anyone to cross the line. Four of our 18 grandchildren live next door and T is especially mindful of ‘little ones’ and guards them like his life depends on it!
Dogs serve many purposes. Sometimes they are all about companionship, like our Koda was. Other times they are obtained for hunting or other specialized purpose like herd dogs on a farm, or even for a disability. All dogs need some amount of training for the basics, like lessons on house training, no shoes for snacking, etc!
Service dogs for the disabled, takes a special kind of dog, although any breed can qualify! It all depends on the dog’s temperament, These dogs need to consistently remain calm, regardless of the situation, be confident in their own skills, intelligent and motivated and social, yet not so social, they are unable to react to their owner’s voice or need, if distracted.
Trained service dogs are in high demand; so much so, there is a waiting list, in years, for some of the highly qualified ones. This has initiated the need for those who need a service dog to train one themselves, although there are guidelines.
It requires a lot of patience and often some insight from a professional trainer (perhaps even from a pet store or online classes), to be able to meet the need of someone who could benefit from having a service —work dog (one who has a specific job to do—retrieve a ringing telephone, or other specific detailed job, related to disabilities like autism and blindness, among others) — or a PTSD service dog, who works more as a companion to the person with PTSD for emotional support, so he never feels alone, or threatened, therein improving the quality of life for the individual.
I admit, I watch those with trained dogs, often in awe, of how well behaved and obedient they are. Our dogs were wonderful, but were never trained for such services. While I’d love to pet a service dog when I see it, I refrain, because in the environment I am observing, the dog is working.
Have you ever thought about the value of service dogs? Some people realize they improve the quality of life it gives others and will train them for you. But there are those, who will say the dog they are providing has all the qualifications necessary, but actually create ‘service dog fraud.’ I encourage you to ‘beware' when obtaining a service dog. A better option, if possible, might be to train your own dog with the help of professional trainers, for the best outcome! It’s a great way to demonstrate your love of dogs!
Be The Anchor For The Child With Anxiety
My young granddaughter felt sick almost each morning before school. She would complain of a headache and her stomach hurting the entire way there. Once she arrived and settled in, she’d be fine and have a good day---unless it was a day of testing, or situations where she was even remotely uncomfortable. There were even days when her momma picked her up from school and she cried as soon as she got in the car. She was done. Emotionally exhausted.
While my granddaughter does not have anxiety to the level of “special needs,” her anxiety was very real. On some levels, it was difficult not only for her, but for her momma and daddy as well, as they tried to understand, while being supportive.
My grandson, at age two refused to go into a Sunday School class alone, or even church nursery without one of his sisters with him. He would cry as soon as mom left the room, oftentimes inconsolable. Inevitable, this momma just kept him with her until he was finally ready to go to class on his own, at about age 4. Did he complain? Yes! But he gained confidence each week and grew into a steady young man.
Both of these children, who outgrew their fears, are not labeled “special needs” but at a time in their young lives, experienced a substantial amount of trauma. Imagine the child who not only never outgrows his fears, but rather has them intensify to levels of debilitation. It happens more times than many would like to consider.
Children, by their very nature are emotional. A change of plans, new environments, or even people can cause an eruption of emotions akin to terror that, as parents, are difficult to deal with. Their reactions to something we perceive as perfectly normal, causes our emotions to settle on the edge of frustration and despair, leaving us and them, emotionally and physically drained.
Trying to decipher just what is frightening our child to the point of meltdown, can be exasperating; and then to determine what to do next can be a bit overwhelming. Knowing coping methods, so when a parent can detect a child being uncomfortable, is a start. But that takes active involvement at all times, from the parent. Reassurance of love and understanding, patience and staying positive is crucial, as is standing up for him in social settings.
Recently a friend of mine shared she was in a social setting with lots of activities. Her child stayed close to her side and was fearful she was going to leave. Another person in the room, wanting to help, tried distracting her from her mother by trying to take the little one to be “line leader” or some other kind of “helper” which only created more anxiety. The adult didn’t understand or take the ‘cues’ from mom that keeping her child with her was perfectly fine. Mom finally had to say, “It really is okay my daughter stays with me.”
Anxiety can be construed as bad behavior. It’s not. It’s a very real emotion of fear and panic that usually can be “outgrown,” as coping skills are learned. It, however, can take time. Allow the time, praise the child for small accomplishments and don’t beat yourself up as a bad parent. Children need to feel our gentle, loving hearts enclose them at all times, and be the “anchor” they can cling to when they are feeling overwhelmed.
Photo Credit: https://depositphotos.com/stock-photos/anchor.html
Education Provides Understanding
As many of you know, and as my blog reflects, especially recently, I am an advocate for the special needs people group. I give presentations, share information and write books for children in this genre. As I was doing research one day, I came across a post that suggested left-handed people as part of this group. I was totally surprised….until I read the information presented.
Can left-handedness be considered a disability? Many would say, no, even in the left-handed realm! But some believe the “left hand people” group is possibly the last unorganized minority in our culture since they have no real sense of common identity. Most, I suggest don’t really care, and consider themselves completely normal, which is wonderful! Certainly, my daughter, son-in-law, and granddaughter have no preconceived notions that anything is “unnatural” about their left-handed-ness, and could care less about being an “unorganized minority!”
It’s interesting to recognize, however, that we do live in a right-handed world, and at some levels discriminated against given the number of inconveniences of everyday workplaces, tools, appliances and gadgets that are totally designed for the right handed person. Consider microwaves, dishwashers are usually located on the left side of the sink (since we load with our right hands), desks are built with drawers on the right side, and if you are left handed, you probably have other things you’ve adapted to. It’s interesting also to note, the word “left” in English comes from the word “lyft” in Anglo-Saxon, meaning weak or broken.
There was a time in our history where social custom believed being left-handed was evil, associated with witchcraft or a mark of the devil. When my youngest sister was born, she was inclined to use her left hand. My parents believed the mindset of “evil” and were adamant that my sister would not be left handed. She was punished and taught to use her right hand. My husband recounts times in elementary school where the teacher would crack a student on the knuckles if the pencil was held in the left hand. It was totally unacceptable.
As time passed and education brought knowledge, it became understood and an accepted fact that to be left handed is no cause for alarm, and certainly does not mean a person is weak or broken! In fact, quite the contrary if you consider some of the famous, well-known, left-handed intellectuals throughout history. Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton, Charles Darwin and Benjamin Franklin hardly demonstrated weakness or brokenness. They offered a wealth of knowledge that gave them worldwide acclaim.
Our world is filled with a plethora of special needs and disabilities, requiring counseling, medications, surgeries, and countless other elements to counter the effects of the condition. Being left-handed does separate, to a degree. But as our world continues to educate, acceptance is being seen across the board regarding left-handed-ness.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if that could be said for everyone who is “different”? Having a disability or special need doesn’t mark a person as bad or any less a person. He’s different! Education can bring understanding, compassion, hope, tolerance, acceptance, consideration, and empathy.
Photo Credit: https://www.istockphoto.com/search/2/image?phrase=left+handed
Bullying—Or Fun and Games?
I remember as a young girl in elementary school being teased and taunted for being different. My parents moved around a lot and I spent each of my first six years of school in at least one different school each year. It set my sister and I up for low self-esteem and a level of shyness, that for my sister, was nearly debilitating! It seemed we’d no sooner finally get settled in and we’d move again and have to start all over; meeting new teachers and trying to make new friends.
Our strong teachings on faith seemed to make matters worse, because we shared our faith enthusiastically because we believed, and it’s what we were taught by our parents, to do. (Back then it wasn’t illegal to do this!) But our peers resented our zeal and told us in no uncertain terms, and sometimes with mockery or even with just an edge of hostility.
Additionally, my parents, extremely poor, created the necessity of very few clothes in our closet! This meant re-wearing outfits again and again. And yes, kids can be cruel and our peers certainly noticed! Most of the time, we would bounce back until that next move, when we’d start all over again!
Both my sister and I have grown into responsible and productive adults. Our parents did finally settle in one area for the duration of our high school years and we both blossomed! We learned not everyone wanted to hear about our faith (which I am still quick to share, but with a bit more tact!) We also, became aware of how our peers “saw” us, and finally outgrew the “hand-me-down” blues when we learned to sew our own clothes!
I share all this because we did “bounce back.” It didn’t occur to us this was a form of “bullying.” Even as I reflect, I’m not sure that “hate” factored into our “teasing” because I’m not sure it was ever truly hostile. The pain was probably the same, but perhaps not on the same level as victims are today.
Bullying takes all kinds of forms. It can be repeated name calling, tripping, knocking books out of one’s hand, to putting chemicals into one’s drink and slowly poisoning them, just for kicks! I’m horrified at the thought. Yet, these kinds of things happen to our children! Pranks and jokes take on new meaning when you add the word, “bullying.”
I’d like to take this idea just a step further, however. No child should ever be bullied. But there is one victim who is even more vulnerable that the “average child who gets bullied!” The special needs child is a target at far greater risk. A child with special needs is usually less likely to stand up to his tormentors than even the most shy child. He didn’t choose to not be able to run as fast or not talk as eloquently as his peers. He didn’t choose to wear a given birth mark, or have Down Syndrome, arthritis, epilepsy, dyslexia, ADHD or autism, cancer or fifty other “special needs” common to our children. Yet these “needs” define him!
I encourage you to talk with your young people. Bullying has been the result of children never recovering to become responsible, productive adults. They become extremely introverted, and some find their pain to be at a level beyond their control so that even very young ones, take their own lives, and sometimes even the lives of others. It’s time we, as parents, as a society, take charge and stop bullying NOW!
(Just a note: For those who may not know, I write children’s disability books, which also read well for non-disabled. My newest book just came out: ‘Benson Bobcat Stands His Ground’ which is on bullying. All my books can be found on Amazon or on my website www.margieharding.com or www.paxtonseries.com)
Upper photo credit: https://pixabay.com/photos/bullying-child-finger-interpret-3089938/
Make Life Worth Your Time
Not long ago a lady from church passed away. She, in many ways, was my surrogate mother. My own mom passed over twenty years ago. She was kind, accepting, non-judgmental, thoughtful and loving beyond belief, yet she was real. Her heart was good! But living is also about dying. She lived a long life, but still, death is inescapable.
We mourn her death, our loss, even though we know she’s in a much better place. She wasn’t a movie star, or wealthy, left no financial legacy, but she made life worth her time because she loved. Everyone she met loved her back. She made an indelible mark on all who knew her. And that’s how it should be.
Another friend of mine learned recently he has heart disease—late stage heart disease. We have no idea how long he will remain among us. But he, too has lived a life, worth his time. He has many grandchildren who love to spend time with him, to help him with projects and learn from him. It’s what makes him so special! He, too, has left a legacy that has nothing to do with money!
As our children grow and ultimately leave the nest, we often reflect about the short amount of time we really have them. One friend realized her ‘loss’ just a few months before her daughter was leaving for college. She cleared her busy schedule to make memories! They had long talks, baked cookies, went out to movies and did other fun things that leave lasting impressions.
Time takes on a different perspective for parents with children who have disabilities. For them time is a verb, because they are dedicated 24/7 to their child. Even here, time is a precious commodity. These amazing children have so much to offer, and outsiders rarely are able to totally grasp the depth and width of what is given to a child with disabilities!
Their lives however, when blended with other children’s lives offer even more treasure since each can grow exponentially. Time spent together, both disabled and non-disabled encourages relationships which impact each child into adulthood.
Sometimes life has a way of skewing our perspective of priorities of who and what is important. It isn’t about how many material possessions you can collect. Our possessions are just going to remain in whatever place you last left them, when you pass from this life anyway. It’s the relationships with other folks that matters. It’s what we do with the ‘time’ we have that’s really important. Time can’t be put in a bank and drawn on for later. Every minute matters, now!
I encourage to shake the ‘chains of working to the brink’ which creates the risk of shattering a relationship with your spouse, children, parents and even friends. Once a person passes there is no time to go back and catch up.
Make your life worth your time. Think about the legacy you leave behind. Spend precious moments with those you care about and who care about you. Spend time with the parents of a disabled child and allow your young ones to spend time with a child different from his peers who often feels alone, rejected and forgotten. This is a legacy, not measured in money, but in what matters most: relationships.
Photo Credit: https://pixabay.com/images/search/time/
Lessons Learned
I read a story recently about a girl who grew up in a financially privileged family setting. Her mother had medical issues, however, and the family wasn’t close. She recalls her brothers as mean; and without the warmth of her mother, due to her illness, she felt horribly alone. She has no “warm, fuzzy” memories spent with her family, whether it be out in the yard playing, cooking in the kitchen, or gathered around the Christmas tree. This dysfunctional setting played havoc with what most consider “normal” and left her without a sense of “self.”
Situations like this creates the necessity of learning life’s lessons, often the hard way! Sometimes it seems like it would make life so much easier if we could learn some of these lessons and gain wisdom, without having to endure them ourselves! People are often unaware of what another goes through; and others ‘within their circle’ sometimes seem to forget others are worthy of kindness and that sometimes the lessons they are learning may be just as difficult or even more so, that what the average person experiences.
It’s interesting, to know however, even when we have the opportunity to observe lessons experienced through others, we still find ourselves slaves to the master of “learning lessons the hard way!” So why can’t we realize that our choices made today, will have a direct affect on all of our tomorrows? It comes down to making right decisions with the right attitude.
As we consider this, imagine the difficulties a disabled person endures. Due to a culture who often leaves them in the ‘forgotten people group’ they encounter taunting, ridicule and a degree of meanness many of us can only imagine. These brave individuals have much to teach us about acceptance and ‘pushing through the hard times.’ Are we willing to notice or listen?
There are some things we can do that will help along the way for those experiencing tough times, and those who are bouncing through life without any apparent opposition, difficulties or boundaries. We all know everyone has some kind of opposition, and experience difficulty—even as we hide it from those we don’t want to ‘disappoint’. And while boundaries are our guidelines, there are those who choose to cross the lines, just to see what happens. In these cases lessons can be learned all around!
Studies show smiling has a way of easing most tensions, even in bad situations, when we allow it. It’s helpful to remember that if the person you are having coffee with is sharing details about someone else’s life (especially in a negative fashion), it’s likely they will be sharing your details with whomever they have coffee with next! And happiness is only attained when we give of ourselves, while thinking of others.
Failing happens only when we quit, so don’t quit! Life is going to hand us all kinds of situations. It’s how we handle these situations that molds us into the person we are to become. Truth has a way of exposing who we are and that truth will reveal our true character.
The girl who had such a dysfunctional life isn’t so different than most of us. She faced her reality head on as a young adult. She was able to identify the source of her “loneliness” and found a healthy way to grow into a productive adult.
Reflect on your childhood and life as a young adult. Do you identify with the young woman, at least on some level? I know I did. My childhood wouldn’t be described quite like hers, but it wasn’t “warm and fuzzy” either. Was it necessary for you to learn wisdom, “the hard way” or were you able to focus your energies positively, without some really “hard knocks” that could have left you permanently damaged? Share with us your source or method used to put you on the right path.
Photo Credit: https://www.dreamstime.com/photos-images/lessons-learned.html
Lost In A Christmas Store
Here we are near the end of July and I’m thinking Christmas! It’s been delightful to watch Christmas movies on Hallmark all month. Just yesterday my daughter was showing me pictures of ornaments she’s ordered for her children for the tree this year. Perhaps your not a Christmas in July type person, but I ask you to stay with me a few moments.
I heard the cutest response about what a person might do if they were lost in a store overnight. One excited girl said she’d go to the food court, have sundaes, try on new make up and all the different clothes styles; then visit the electronic department, choose several DVD’s and watch them on the big screen TV’s. Next she’d go to the craft department, open watercolors and create a painting. And finally end her night by choosing a good book, curling up on the mattress of her choice and go to sleep!
Her answer was interesting, but I wonder if it would change if it were a Christmas store? I have these images of “elves” lurking in the shadows until everyone is gone, then they come out and enjoy the Christmas trees, throw “elf dust” around so everything shimmers and reflects the marvelous decorations. Christmas carols are playing and then they gather around the fire place to eat cookies and other sweets and drink eggnog.
So if a body were locked in a Christmas store with “elves” what would be the possibilities? There are lots of Christmas shows that use elves, especially any that include a Santa storyline. Elves apparently can come in a variety of sizes and can look completely human and totally unlike what we think elves might look like. In Christmas shows they often come in the sense of “angels” to help someone “find” Christmas.
Would our ‘experience’ look totally different from each other if we were wealthy or poor, disabled, from a different country and culture, of a different faith, or even as a child, teen, mid-adult or senior citizen? I suspect yes, to all those possibilities.
The likelihood of getting locked in a Christmas store is minimal, but the idea of being an “elf” might be a really neat idea. Could we be the elf in someone’s life who desperately needs encouraging? Could we be the one who “showers elf dust” on a family who has little or nothing for Christmas?
I just recently learned about the tradition of “The Elf on the Shelf.” It seems the elf is Santa’s scout to keep an eye on boys and girls around the world. I heard the elf is used as a behavior modification object so children are on their best behavior during the Christmas season. I’m not sure how I feel about that, yet the expression, “Santa knows who’s been naughty or nice” has been around for years.
We seem to have no trouble believing in Santa. Our children learn about the “fat man in the red suit” as soon as they can understand information. What about the idea of being the “elf that helps!” Suppose we are locked in a Christmas store and we assume the identity of “The Elf That Helps” and readies all the merchandise for those families who have little or no Christmas.
I know there are organizations who do this sort of thing, but is it possible to take it a step further and make it personal for someone in our neighborhood, in our child’s class at school, or someone in your church? The possibilities are endless but as “The Elf That Helps” we could devote part of our Christmas time to helping others. ….And being locked in a Christmas store would generate a lot of ideas; kind of like when I was a child and scoured the Sears, Montgomery Ward and J.C. Penny Christmas Catalogs!
Christmas shouldn’t be ‘just a season.’ It’s a state of mind that should remain in our hearts all year long. Perhaps there is someone who needs a dose of your “joy” to make this day special!
Happy Summer ‘Christmas’, everyone!
Our Very Fragile Lives
“Adam passed away,” I said, with disbelief.
“What?” my husband questioned.
Repeating, I said, “Adam passed away, today!”
“I didn’t see that coming,” he said, stunned, much like I felt. We didn’t know him well, but we considered him a good friend even in the short time we were able to spend with him. He was fairly young and we didn’t know of any health issues, so his death was a surprise.
That same day, my friend called to tell me her mother had passed away, after a long illness. “I know my life will continue,” my friend said, “but there is this hole from just knowing she won’t be in my world anymore and that lone piece of knowledge leaves me very lonely.”
And to complete the weekend, a young military man we know well, lost a comrade in an undertow, in a freak accident while at the ocean on a “down day.”
Last week one of my cousins shared about her extended family, who had lost a set of twin boys, age three, in a freak pool accident. It seems the boys somehow managed to crawl under or over (they weren’t sure which) the fencing while at a family gathering. There was still another incident where a graduated Senior lost his life in a house fire. Accidents happen in all our lives, when we least expect it.
There was a news clip on the newscast recently about another child who died in a closed car. The parent had planned on being in the store for only a few moments and didn’t calculate just how quickly a closed car could get hot in the sun. Surely this was an accident but the choice made to leave the child, was tragic.
We have military men and women fighting for our country day after day and rarely does their sacrifice make the news, unless it was something out of the normal activity. All these incidents bring pain and grief that sometimes takes a life time to overcome and sometimes even a lifetime isn’t long enough.
Our world is filled with sadness due to circumstances we cannot control. It just seems bizarre to me how we can cause pain for ourselves and other through the choices we make, and sometimes it’s through a cruelty we can’t understand when lives are snuffed out because someone is having a bad day!
Why are we so careless with our lives? There are those who choose use drugs or abuse their body with alcohol or nicotine. And while it seems irrelevant, we choose to eat foods we know are not good for us and we choose to not exercise. This is another opportunity to make a choice about caring (or not) of our very fragile lives.
When you add to this the opportunities we squander to be kind to those we love, acquaintances, or those who are different from us—- be it race, religion, political preference, or even a disability, we’ve found another way to inflict pain when it’s already so rampant.
I encourage you to look at your life and the lives of those around you. Pain has a way of happening to all of us. It’s the nature of life, regardless of race, religion, gender or ability or disability. It doesn’t matter how prepared we are, even for those who have been ill for a very long time. When pain is inflicted from death, it is heart wrenching; while accidents always catch us off guard, and completely turn our world upside down.
What would you do if in a momentary freak accident, you lost someone close to you? Are you taking care of the relationships formed with family and friends? Our next breath is not promised. Tell those you care about, you love them. This moment may be all you have. You may never have another chance.
Photo Credit: https://www.dreamstime.com/royalty-free-stock-photo-still-life-bunch-bright-yellow-flowers-rudbeckia-brown-vase-image34155155
It’s Okay To Be Different
I read a story recently about a young girl and her mother who were best friends and did everything together! They went to operas, loved shopping, crafting, and horseback riding. One day before one of their excursions, the mom told her husband and daughter she didn’t feel very good, but ignored her symptoms and they left. Later that day, her mother was in a hospital emergency room; the victim of a stroke.
The stroke created lasted changes in their life from a health stand point, and due to face paralysis, the mom was no longer able to smile. That was one of the things the girl loved about her mom. She always smiled. It didn’t seem to matter what was going on, the stress she was under, or problems she encountered at work, her smile remained.
The girl, in an attempt to support her mom, made the decision that she, too, would no longer smile. As time passed, she was taunted as being different and unfriendly because her smile was hidden. Her heart was breaking both for the world she was missing, but also for the relationship that was slipping away with her mom.
Her mom noticed her daughter’s lack of smiling, as well, and finally talked with her about it, although it was difficult since talking was still challenging. One afternoon she and her mom went for a walk and the mom went right to the heart of the problem. “If my stroke had taken my sight, would you cover yours so you would be unable to see?”
“That’s not fair,” the girl objected. “You can see. You just can’t smile.”
“I smile in my heart all the time,” she responded. “Just because you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it’s not there.”
The mother’s response to her daughter’s feelings were spot on. There are those with disabilities of all kinds who are misunderstood. While the mom was able to talk with her daughter one on one, very often that isn’t possible, unless of course, there is reason to interact.
Family members and even close friends who know the person with a disability accepts the person without undue tensions. Very often, research is done on the problem, within the “circle” because parents need to understand the problem, as do siblings and other family members. Because of a community that is involved with the family, they too, may understand the particulars about why a person is in a wheelchair, talks differently, has learning disabilities, uses crutches or countless other perceived “peculiarities.”
But the child who passes another child with a disability at the mall or in another public place is often completely unprepared for what he sees. This happens because he does not understand what he is seeing. Parents very often can’t explain in passing, what the problem might be, so the child is left feeling the child is “stupid, retarded, weird” or a hundred other unkind adjectives, while the parents admonish the child to “stop staring!”
Being educated is very important. Classrooms are integrating students with special needs more and more, every year. Still, often a child is left with the question, “What is wrong with my friend?” I encourage you to learn about disabilities and by all means, when you can, educate your children. It’s a great way to teach acceptance and understand from those who are different!
Photo Credit: https://www.dreamstime.com/photos-images/being-different.html
Books Are Like Old Friends
My son said once, “Everyone should have a good library.” I’ve always agreed with this concept and love collecting books. I have a variety of pleasure reading books, many classics, educational (I told my kids when they were in college, I didn’t want them to sell back their books! I wanted to study!) writing books, encyclopedias, inspirational, and those I consider my favorites I read again and again.
Our family recently did some “room switching” and I found myself unloading all the books from the bookshelves in my den, to move them to another room. I was astounded first, at the amount of books I own, and second, how quickly weight gets beyond my lifting, in boxes filled with books.
But as I placed my books on the shelves, each one had a peculiar way of drawing me into their company! They are like my forever friends who are warm and comfortable no matter how long between visits. My books are happy when I open their covers and sit down to visit a while. They bring comfort, adventure, education, inspiration and a sense of companionship.
I admit I don’t read nearly as much as I’d like…..at least in the sense of opening a book and sitting for any significant time span. I read in fits and spurts, much like I write. Much of what I read is either research or ‘how-to!” Sometimes, however, I just need to remove myself from the daily grind, and busy schedule and allow myself to journey into another place, while joining the heart of the protagonist in a story.
Books are a place of adventure without ever leaving my room. To ride a train, or hot air balloon, experience a town in the Old West before it became “civilized” is invigorating and stimulating, when my own nature is afraid. It’s even safe to say, after reading through a new adventure, it often raises the interest so that I contemplate experiencing something different, in spite of my fear.
Even as a little girl, I remember my favorite stories being about the pioneers and settling in an unknown land. When I imagine what it might have been like to cross the country in a covered wagon facing all the dangers from the elements, crossing rivers, foraging for food and yet keeping my sanity, it frightens me to the core, while at the same time exhilarates me! It is in books like these I can find encouragement and inspiration to face my fears, even if it has nothing to do with the actual content of the book.
When reading a ‘how-to’ book I am grateful for the knowledge and help someone else was willing to put in print that I might learn and here again, face my fears. Learning should be a lifetime journey and books are also, an invaluable source for learning. They are non-judgmental when I fail, and allow me to pick them up and read them again.
Books are always ready to reveal their wealth and allow my mind to wander where it will, with the descriptions between their covers. It’s up to me to choose to invite them into my world, just like I invite any human friend to share time with me.
That said, I’d like to share with you….. If you don’t already know, I write disability books for children —-and chapter books with a disability theme, which is not only for the child with disabilities, but for those who want an adventure from a different perspective!
I encourage you, to choose to read a book! Find an old friend, or make a new one, and visit a while; be exhilarated, inspired or educated.
Leaving A Legacy
Both my parents passed away some years ago and I realized I hardly knew them at all! It’s odd to know they raised me until I was grown and I can’t tell you their favorite color or favorite book! I do remember favorite songs both my folks knew, and some of their favorite foods. But are those things really important? I wonder about how they felt about having just daughters, or about their childhoods!
It’s interesting to know both my parents grew up in the Amish faith. My dad’s parents left the church when he was a child and my mother left the Amish after she joined the church and therefore experienced shunning. This meant little or no contact with most of my family on my mother’s side. There were others in my mom’s family who also left the Amish and I was blessed to have a relationship with them, but it wasn’t until I became an adult I came to know some of my Amish family.
A friend told me a while back one thing she tries to do consistently is journal. She said her mother had journaled for years, but before she passed away, destroyed all her work because she didn’t want others to know about the pain she experienced while enduring a vicious cancer. Yet, it would be in these passages her daughter and other family members could have related to and understood some of what she went through.
One of my cousins said she would love to journal but she would never put anything unpleasant in it, like honest feelings when angry with her husband, children or situation. She didn’t want to seem like a negative person! Here again; wouldn’t it be wonderful to see how other people, especially someone close to you endured and got through tough times!
It’s interesting to note the television series, “Little House On The Prairie” and “The Walton’s” were both formed from kept journals. Both of these shows demonstrate human tragedy, triumphs, challenges, relationships and so much more that all people can relate with at one time or another! If Laura Ingalls or Earl Hamner had never put pen to paper neither of these shows would likely exist.
As mentioned when I began this writing, I admitted to knowing very little about my parents. That’s probably just a ‘kid’ thing. It never occurred to me to ask and they never thought to tell. But I haven’t even a clue as to how my folks met! I know very little of their growing up years and time spent with their parents, any particular illnesses they had, struggles endured, where they might have traveled for vacations or who their best friend was when they were children.
It makes me wonder, as a parent, what did I tell my children? We get so busy “parenting” we don’t think about telling them about our lives, or we don’t believe our life experiences are worth sharing!
I am a “journal-er.” It’s something I’ve done for years, long before I started “writing.” It was a form of release. It didn’t occur to me my children may want to read it someday! Will this be something my grandchildren, or great grandchildren might find interesting?
Are there unique circumstances to your family, that if you shared, your child or grandchild might use at a later time? Are there things they might like to be reminded of, as they become adults with their own children? Were there particular illnesses, or struggles or successes they might want to share? The legacy possibilities are endless!
If you are a disability parent, you have even more to share, given the variety of perspectives you could use! Your struggles are unique and so very special. It seems children with special needs have a unique way of teaching us so much about life! As humans, it’s impossible to remember details about everything. And daily activities even more so. But regular events, even if they don’t seem monumental, may be relevant later in life.
Beginning today, consider, if you don’t already, write some of the information about you and your family down! It doesn’t have to be perfect grammar; it just needs to be your heart, honest and real, and destroying it is not a good idea! Let your children and ancestors be recipients of your legacy!
Photo Credit: https://unsplash.com/s/photos/journaling
The Treasure of Children
“Can we go to the fireworks, Mom? Please?” ask the children.
“Possibly, even probably! We’ll see how the afternoon goes,” she answers, giggling at their excitement.
Later that evening, as the sun finally sets, the anxious little ones wait to see the colors burst in the air, even knowing they would be covering their ears to deaden some of the noise. At long last, the first explosion occurs, bright reds and blues, yellow and orange. In just moments later, another light burst explodes. Ohhs and wows can be heard, while children point in excitement; their eyes never leaving the night sky.
Our children are priceless! They are precious jewels and each is as unique as a snowflake! They brighten our lives much like the fireworks brighten the night sky. Their exploits can come in all colors, as we try to corral their energies into something productive and educational.
From the time they are born our hearts are captured by their tiny fingers and toes, sparkling eyes and loving smiles. We glory in their uninhibited hugs and expressions of love.
There is something rewarding, for both the giver and recipient, of pictures drawn with love, despite the awkward shapes of their best efforts. We revel in their achievements, regardless how small, as we see them focusing on what is before them and giving it all they’ve got.
Sometimes our children are born with special needs or disabilities and these children are special and no less important than those children who seem to have no problems. In fact, these children often can teach us how to truly appreciate and enjoy life.
Children, regardless of their balking, actually do appreciate boundaries. I remember a show many years ago, where a girl began crossing the set boundaries of the family. The father was advised to let her have her freedom and ignore the set rules. One night as she was out, she was in a situation she didn’t like. Ultimately she made her way home without incident, but when the father found out about it, asked her, “Why didn’t you call me?”
Her response: “I didn’t think you cared.” This show has stuck with me for a very long time. Just as discipline is a form of showing love, so is setting boundaries. It’s important for children to know they can count on us to be consistent in our love for them.
Our lives may not always be filled with perfect peace when it comes to our children, but they are priceless gems, nonetheless, that cannot be replaced. They offer us unparalleled joy, that if snatched away through an accident or early death or even an act of rebellion that cannot be restored, is devastating to the core of our souls. Their innocence, inquisitiveness, passion for life, and delightful expressions of love, leave us feeling confused some days, filled with exquisite joy on others, but always with a matchless feeling of love that runs to overflowing in our hearts.
I encourage you to reflect on the relationship you have with your children, and if you don’t have any, the children of others with whom you have contact. Can you relate to their zest for all that is new? Do you see the explosion of life through their eyes, like you might see the exploding fireworks in the night sky?
Photo Credit: https://www.google.com/search?q=free+pictures+of+fireworks&client=safari&channel=iphone
Tangled Mind
I searched and searched for the missing document. I knew I had filed it…somewhere! But for the life of me I could not lay my hands on it when I needed it! And then there was the time I couldn’t find the book on the tractor for my husband, or the bill he was sure we’d gotten a week earlier, or the set of keys that were immediately needed.
What makes this situation worse; it seems like when I “lose” something it’s because I deliberately moved it from its previous space, so that when I wanted it I could lay my hands on it in an instant. When the instant comes, I’m at a total loss!
Recently I discovered I’m not the only one who does this. Another friend looked like she was searching everywhere for something and I finally asked her if she lost something. She said “Yes! The title to the trailer we just sold,” she said. “Just tonight I told Elliot I knew right where it was, and now I have no clue what I’ve done with it!”
Like me, because she needed it immediately, her nerves made her mind tangle up in tiny knots making it impossible for her to think clearly. Finally, as she calmed down, she had that “ah ha!” moment and remembered where she put it!
I remember as a student facing a big exam and being horribly concerned about the outcome. It didn’t seem to matter how well I studied, looking at the test caused my brain to freeze. This wasn’t just in elementary, middle or high school! When I went to college as a “non-traditional” student, math class set me in a fit! I studied, did numerous problems over and over again and still when faced with working out the problem without notes, my brain became a tangled, forgetful mess!
There is some consolation in knowing that anxiety does actually cause you to forget things. I say consolation, because apparently it’s a scientific phenomenon. Memory, I discovered, is connected to nutrition and sleep; or that memories, according to some — are created while we sleep! That sounds like an oxymoron to me and I haven’t the faintest idea how that’s possible. But then, I’m not scientific either!
Sometimes, however, I think we forget our manners! We become so focused on ourselves we can’t see past our noses—-or our prejudices! I don’t think it’s always deliberate, but have you noticed how much ‘road rage’ there is on the highways? At the outset, I prefer to think if someone does something unkind, it’s not deliberate. But, retaliation is.
This isn’t the only place bad manners prevail. We see it in our homes, as our lifestyles are changing; in the class rooms, as children become more and more vocal and belligerent against society, and also when in proximity to someone with disabilities. It seems we forget that a disabled person is as much a person as we are. They have as much right to be happy, work, get an education, take care of their families and have a ‘life’ as anyone who is non-disabled. Yet, sometimes our behaviors does not reflect that.
I’d like to think the first time we display bad manners, it’s an oversight. Our minds are ‘tangled’ in our own little world and we are not considering anyone around us, as we try to figure out whatever the battle is going on in our brain. The next time however it’s, in my opinion, deliberate and that is just bad manners.
Thoughts? Please share!
Photo Credit: https://unsplash.com/s/photos/stress
Financial Lessons Every Young Adult Should Know
Image from Unsplash
As a nation, we are struggling in a variety of areas. Gas prices continue to climb to heights beyond our imaginations. Food shortages loom as do so many other questions in our economic society. Money management is paramount in figuring out how to get by. This doesn’t just apply to families with children, but to singles and other young adults, as well.
A few weeks ago I received a guest post by an amazing writer, Claire Wentz. She’s written an amazing article about finances for the young adult! I’d like to share this with you today.
Today's generation of young adults is faced with the challenge of navigating a complex and intimidating financial landscape. There are taxes to understand, mortgage conditions to pay, and stocks and cryptocurrency to make sense of. Seriously, why don't they teach this stuff in school?
Start by taking a deep breath. While understanding finances can be challenging, let's start with the basics. This article walks you through the essential financial lessons you need to know to manage your finances and breeze through life.
Compound Interest Is Pure Magic
Did you know that Warren Buffet, one of the world's premier investing gurus, swears by this magic principle? Additionally, did you know that a penny doubled every day for 30 days will leave you with around $5,368,702? That's compound interest right there. As CNBC's compound interest guide reports, this principle can apply to savings, loans, credit card payments, and other interest-ridden amounts. With savings, that means that the earlier you start saving, the more your money will grow. Thus, start investing early so you can harness the power of compound interest to reach your financial goals faster.
Starting Your Own Business
At some point, we all start wondering if putting away so many hours to accomplish someone else's dream is worth it. If you decide to go down the road to startup success, know that it will be challenging but rewarding. Be sure to set yourself up with a business plan and structure so you're ready legally and financially. But also think long and hard about the value your idea brings and if it solves a problem in the market. Investing your time and hard work will be critical in business, but don't start a company you're not passionate about - no amount of hard work can get you over that hurdle.
Live Below Your Means
According to Financial Samurai, many people increase their living standards in accordance with a rise in their paycheck. We suggest living within your means and practicing prudence, even if you see a significant increase in money. This will allow your salary to increase as you age, while you continue to save more the older you get. Maintaining financial stability will become that much easier, and you'll be able to retain a buffer for emergencies and unexpected expenses.
Know Where Your Money Goes
Many young adults spend money as it flows into their account, without much consideration for what they're spending on. You need to ensure your expenses aren't exceeding your income. And the best way to do this? Through budgeting, of course! Take a long hard look at your main costs and see if there's room to cut costs or if there’s anything else you should be saving towards.
The 'pot' method comes in super helpful here - visualize each of your expenses as saved up in little pots. There will be different pots for entertainment, housing, savings, and more. You may just find you're spending too much on your ‘coffee’ pot, meaning it's time to divert funds to a more fruitful venture!
Pay Yourself First
We're going to leave you with a bit of bonus wisdom. No matter how tight your salary or how high your credit card debt is, remember to find a little bit (it doesn't matter how much) to fund your savings account every month. This is sort of like investing in yourself and your financial safety - prioritizing your needs in case something unexpected comes up. You'll be surprised at how much you manage to put away!
With proper discipline, awareness, and a good amount of practice, you too can manage your money to prosper through life. The road to financial literacy can be daunting, but take it one step at a time. Put in the work today to reap the benefits tomorrow!
If you're looking to develop your economic literacy, we've got you covered. Higher Rock's primary objective is educating young adults in economic theory - all for free so that you can go out into the world confident about your finances.
Margie Harding is author of books for kids and teens, as well as Christian devotionals. Reach out to Margie today for more info! authormargieharding@gmail.com
Claire Wentz is a former home health nurse and recognizes that our aging population means many more people will become senior caregivers over the years. Specifically, she is interested in providing assistance and support to those caregivers who do not live near their loved ones. She hopes her writing will inform them, uplift them, and give them peace of mind when they need it.
A Last Impression
I was surprised when my friend randomly said one day, “You are always dressed nice. I am always very casual. You are small. I am large. You always have your nails and hair done. Mine nails are never done and my hair is cut short so I don’t have to do anything with it! You always wear make up. I never do.”
As I read the list I was actually mortified someone would actually compare them self to me. After all, who am I? I am just another woman who happens to share many of the same friends, and in most ways, very like minded as my friend. What difference does it make that I choose to dress nice, even if I rarely go outside my home other than grocery shopping once a week and to church services on Sunday? Does it really matter?
I remember many years ago reading a ‘self help-marriage kind’ of book, (I can’t even remember the title), which made a lasting impression. It might be the only thing I really recall from the entire book! The author was discussing how wives get up (or don’t) in the morning to see their husbands off to work. At the time my husband was not yet retired and we had several little ones at home. So mornings were somewhat challenging. But the author said, “How you present yourself to your husband first thing in the morning is the last thing he sees before going to work.” That hit home.
I made the decision to rise early enough to be completely “done” before my husband got out of bed. I wanted his impression of me during his work day to be one that would make him smile, rather than filling his memory files with what I looked like without makeup, hair all askew and a bathrobe! Did it make a difference? I don’t know. I’d like to think so. I know when I look at me in the mirror before I am “done”, it makes me cringe. Certainly he must have too!
All that said, if how I look to my husband first thing in the morning is important, how much more important is how I look when I arrive at work? People from all walks of life, will have the opportunity to make a judgment call on the way I look, just like my husband. Does that matter? I think it does.
But another side of me wonders if that is all fair? Consider the person who is ‘different’ be it by choice or disability. Does the person who has a disability have the option to change the way the he/she looks so that the population which surrounds him each day will think more positively of him? Not always. Sometimes disabilities are hidden, and many people might not even know about it.
But what of the person in the wheelchair; or one with a disfigured hand; pronounced limp or other visible impairment? Do I have the right to frown upon this person? I think not! Yet don’t we all make assumptions based on visuals?
Some will argue how you dress and look matters a lot! Employers and colleagues judge us by our appearance. We are assessed on our attire, table manners, grooming and even the way carry out our duties. Perhaps in some degrees that is important. But what is more important is how we perceive the person—- especially one who is disabled. We need to first see them as someone with abilities rather than one with disabilities!
Like my friend who noted our differences, and my husband who left each morning with a more pleasant visual of his wife than not, our appearance does matter. It matters in the workplace, in our social events and even in our home. But ultimately as long as we are at our best, when we can be, it’s the person on the inside that really matters.
Photo Credit: https://unsplash.com/s/photos/nature
Be Empowered
Struggles come in all shapes and sizes, caring nothing of gender, race, age, nationality, financial status, creed or religion. It’s just a fact of life. Everyone has some kind of issue to work with regularly. It happens in families, work environments, communities, and churches. It seems especially apparent in political arenas. Consider the state of our elected officials. It seems they disagree on almost everything and are vocal and even vicious in their attacks of opposition!
These struggles between people, often boils down to wielding power. People become so consumed with their view, they can see no other and believe their way is the only right way. Since disagreements ensue, paranoia is planted and cultivated, which then causes accusations and then more issues. These issues and accusations creates divisions, which then creates even more disagreements. It becomes a vicious circle unless it gets stopped somewhere along the way. But it’s a decision to be made. It doesn’t just happen!
In our daily lives we deal with financial and job issues, marriage, children and teenager situations, aging parents, homelessness, education inadequacies, diet, health problems of all kinds, even issues related to our pets who have become such an important part of our family. Even in these scenarios, wielding power can be a component of the problem.
But having power is completely different than being “empowered.” Our power hungry ego is what drives us to push for control and obsess with gaining more and more than those around us. It doesn’t matter that what we obtain in material wealth, has little value in the long term, and leaves us insecure and constantly searching for new and creative ways, to grow more and more wealth.
As this insecurity grows, rest and peace seem only “friends” we once knew, so we turn to other forms, like substance or alcohol abuse, gaming, pornography, or any other kind of addiction you can imagine, which is only temporary and false. It is a deception that has become part of our society, and sadly more the norm rather than abnormal.
We are driven by our thoughts, whether positive or negative. When our thoughts are slipping down the slippery slope of self absorption we lose empowerment even as we try to wield power. The opposite of being totally caught up in ourselves is to inspire others to be the best they can be. This mindset often gives us unlimited personal power since this focus catapults us forward.
We are all people with a variety of backgrounds, upbringing, ideas, goals and perspectives. There are going to be different opinions on just about everything. But we need to take a step back and see the differences without allowing a power struggle to get the upper hand. Not everyone is right all the time. There are often more than one or even two options for agreement.
This is especially important in the world of disabilities. It seems, generally speaking, that if a person is not intimately affected by a disability, there is little or no interest. I was one of those until I started writing about it. It seemed I had ‘no reason’ to be involved. Yet this is a people group who need to be empowered to just survive their daily world. They live daily with struggles many non-disabled people can’t even imagine.
In your travels this week, look for ways to support rather than control a person with a disability. Remember their disability doesn’t define who they are! See the person first, and listen to their heart without turning a deaf ear because they are somehow physically different than you! Encourage your children, by your actions to be understanding, kind and accepting of those who are different. When we do this, we are empowering! What a great example that can be!
Photo Credit: https://tunein.com/podcasts/Kids--Family-Podcasts/Empowering-Ability-Podcast-p987687/