Daunting Challenges
Have you ever done something on a dare? Do you remember when you were on the school playground, someone would say, “I dare you!” or “Double dog dare you!” And just because of the dare, you’d follow through or at least attempt the challenge because you felt like you’d lose your credibility with all your peers if you didn’t succeed?
I suppose most all of us have taken this kind of challenge at one time or another. What’s can be really scary is when these dares are taken by adults. These are often much more dangerous than those challenges we faced as kids.
Around Thanksgiving I kept seeing posts from friends who had the challenge of writing three things everyday for which they were grateful. I’m reasonably certain I could do this one, even though I’ve never actually tried! But this idea made me wonder about other challenges, even more daunting ones.
Just before New Years many of us make resolutions and sometimes these can be daunting and we end up throwing in the towel after only a few days! The hardest kind of challenges are those we make to ourselves because these are promises we think no one else knows. Unless we make them known, if (or when) we give up, we have only ourselves to convince it’s okay.
A friend of mine recently decided he would no longer, under any circumstances use bad language. This can be a challenge if bad language has been a part of someone’s vocabulary for many years. There are other vices which can overwhelm the best of us, if we aren’t committed with a definite plan to overcome, like drinking, gambling, porn or abusive behaviors. Sometimes even pampering ourselves can be a challenge!
I read the story of the teacher who asked her students to write seven natural wonders of the world. Now I assume it’s what they’ve been studying, so the class should have been at least somewhat prepared for the task set before them, but still for a young child, I think this would be challenging. I know the Great Pyramids are on that list, the Grand Canyon, the Northern Lights, and Victoria Falls, depending on which list you choose from.
Apparently, however, one little girl took a completely different perspective for the challenge before her. She chose to name five of the wonders of our five natural senses; our eyesight, touch, hearing, tasting, and smelling abilities.
I’m working on a special needs book series for children and am awed by the challenges some of our young children face on a daily basis! A child who deals with Muscular Dystrophy, Down syndrome, hearing loss, autism or a hundred other diseases, understands a challenge! Not only is dealing with the disability challenging, but also the bullying, ridicule and ostracism they receive from their peers.
Challenges are only as daunting as we allow them to be. So I challenge you to reflect on your life. Is it filled with daunting challenges? Do you view your circumstances difficult, at best, and believe you may never overcome? Or, are you like the little girl who when challenged with naming great wonders of the world, considered our natural senses as “wonders” to be acknowledged?
I’d be honored if you checked out my books at www.margieharding.com (click on the ‘books’ tab) or find my books on Amazon.
Photo Credit: https://unsplash.com/s/photos/dare
Everyday Days
My friend was reflecting recently on her week. She explained she’d felt bad most of the time with a cold, went to work without feeling like it, taken all kinds of medications to suppress the symptoms, while all the while knowing, “have a cold seven days with medication or have a cold seven days without taking any,” and even had need to attend a funeral. While she hated the gathering to give last respects to the friend who had passed on, she enjoyed mingling with other friends she hadn’t seen in a very long time.
Then at some point during the week, the fatigue and sickness seemed to drive her to lose her temper, which she rarely does. This made her feel awful on top of the already physical issues. But at the end of the week, she was able to look at her world and despite all that had happened was able to feel like she was blessed.
We are all human and have those days or weeks when everything we try seems to curdle and leave a bad taste in our mouth! All we really want is to curl up in a hole and pull the dirt over us. We want nothing more than to be left alone while we nurse our miseries until that morning we wake to bright sunshine and discover everything that had been or gone wrong suddenly feels alright again!
Sometimes, when journeying through the low points in our lives, it’s incredibly difficult to view the world as wonderful and good, especially if the “season” lasts particularly long. It’s easy to bounce back after a day or two, and perhaps even a week. Since our glimpse of sunshine had only been hidden a short while, our mind and spirits have a natural way of welcoming the warmth of the sun and closeness of those around us.
During those times, however, when we are unhappy or miserable for an extended time, we tend to become cynical, bitter, and carry a negative, suspicious attitude, that connects itself to our being and transfers into everything we say and do.
I had a good friend in this place some years back, and I’m not sure she ever really recovered. She never sought help, but seemed to hide from the world the wonderful person she really was. This, of course, affected every relationship she had, from her spouse to children, relatives and friends. It didn’t seem to matter what anyone did, her perspective could never be positive.
As I think about this, it raises the question about those people who deal with a disability every single day. Are there days when rather than having mostly ‘good’ everyday days, they have occasional ‘fairly good’ everyday days? Are their days filled with struggles I can’t even imagine? Aside from the physical struggles, what about the pain that comes from discouragement attributed to strangers and even family who don’t understand their pain? Do they deal with insults and remarks as they walk down a sidewalk or through the mall?
Look at your world. Has it grown bleak and gray with negativity filled with frustration and aggravation because things aren’t going right? Consider doing something positive for someone else. This often changes our perspective. I’m not in the least suggesting it’s going to be easy. But our world is not designed to be ugly, gray, bleak and desolate.
Find help, whether it’s through a minister, good friend or other counselor. Make the decision to insist the sun shines again on your world. Choose to brush back the dirt, climb out of the hole you crawled into to hide, and make the world know you’re not staying down! It’s a new day! Welcome back to life!
Photo Credit: https://www.pexels.com/search/sunshine/
On Easter Traditions
Those who read my blog regularly and have checked out my “about me” tab know that I am a Christian. I am not only a “Christian” but a “born again Believer.” So to write a blog about Easter and not include Christ (since this is supposed to be primarily a secular blog) is almost beyond impossible.
But that said, I’d like to look at how, what we call the “secular” world, uses traditions to celebrate what we call “Resurrection Sunday!”
The Easter Bunny has been around the Americas since the 1700’s when the German immigrants settled in Pennsylvania. While the exact origins of how this furry critter came to symbolize this religious holiday is somewhat unclear, it’s easy to see the parallel of procreativity. Face it; bunnies are prolific in this area. In ancient cultures rabbits represented fertility and new life. Once the German immigrants introduced the tradition of making nests for this little fuzzy creature that could lay colored eggs, the custom spread and included not only colored eggs, but candy and gifts, which children across the world enjoy even today. 1
The egg is another ancient symbol of new life. Some sources indicate, this is actually connected with pagan traditions and festivals from back as far as the 13th century, but has emerged to represent the rising of Christ back to life after his crucifixion, and three days in the tomb. There is the suggestion that eggs were forbidden during Lent. So people decorated them to celebrate the end of the period of repentance.
Easter candy, along with the Easter egg, are representative of new life. Chocolate eggs dating back to 19th century Europe, along with the jelly-bean, introduced in the 1930’s are Easter favorites. It’s interesting to note the jelly bean origin might actually be from something called a “Turkish Delight” which is supposedly from Biblical times! 3 Of course, there are many other popular candies available for Easter baskets and I am certain you probably have a favorite!
My favorite discovery about symbols for Easter, however comes from another perspective—the Cross. Are there other traditions, however secular, which could be viewed as representing the Christ. Consider Mark Hart’s perspective in his article “Finding Christ In A Secular Easter.” He talks about how our youth are like rabbits, procreating in relationship after broken relationship rather than remembering that our bodies are a gift from God and chastity is the best option.
Hart compares people’s hardened hearts to the boiled eggs while people try to paint themselves different than who they really are, rather than being thankful for the unique person God created. They not only paint themselves different, they try to hide their unique qualities they dislike and are certain no one will understand. Or they hide those areas of their lives they are certain others may not approve.
After all the hiding, they place their “eggs” in the best basket they can find in hopes of fame or fortune, using fake grass to hide any mistakes, all the while trying to be sugary sweet like the chocolate eggs (or bunnies) to those who can best help them reach their goals, but not realizing they are being hollow rather than standing solid on what is right. 2
The very idea that secularism has replaced the religious part of Easter may not necessarily be accurate. These “traditions” instead might be demonstrations of behavior that solidify the real need for Jesus, the Christ, our Risen Savior.
So I challenge you this week, as we celebrate this Holy holiday, that you consider what Easter really means. How are you celebrating?
Happy Easter, everyone!
1http://www.history.com/topics/holidays/easter-symbols
2http://lifeteen.com/finding-christ-in-a-secular-easter/
Photo Credit: https://www.google.com/search?q=Free+pictures+of+Easter+candy&client=safari&channel=iphone
The Dreaded TeleMarketer
“It’s a telemarketer,” I mouthed silently to my husband, my forehead furrowing, while doing my best to be polite.
“No thank you. We’re really not interested.” …..pause….listening again…. “No, honestly, we’re just not interested. Please don’t call again.”
“Just hang up the phone,” my husband commanded. “They don’t need to be calling here!”
I admit, I’m horrible when a solicitor calls. I hate the thought of just hanging up. Somehow that seems so awfully rude and I loathe the idea of being nasty! But we had such an issue with these kinds of calls, we turned the ringer off on our house phone and only accept messages!
A friend shared his thoughts on how he handles the situation: “Major success this evening! I kept a telemarketer on the line for almost ten minutes. Every time I came through the kitchen I just picked the phone back up and told him to continue to hold. He was very patient. That was ten minutes that he didn't bother any of you. Just doing my part!”
Another friend shared her solution. ‘The next time give the phone to one of your grand babies’, and another said, “I used to hand the phone to my toddlers when the telemarketers would call. I would tell the toddler that the phone was for them. It was hysterical.”
My daughter shared cable solicitors became obnoxious when she told them she was not interested in their cable offer since they don’t even own a television set! They refused to accept her reason as truth, and then when she persisted, and they finally realized she was being honest, were appalled and asked, “What on earth do you do at your house then?” She’d laugh and explain her children spend time outdoors, reading and doing things as a family!
Some years ago the daughter of a lady my husband worked with took on the job of being a telemarketer. “There are only so many times you can handle rejection,” she said. “Even though the person isn’t rejecting you, personally, it’s still a form of rejection and can be quite depressing.”
Until she shared these thoughts I had never considered how a telemarketer must feel. I look at it from my perspective and not from the perspective of someone trying to earn a living.
No one likes rejection. There are those who will tell you they don’t care what others think; but I wonder if they are being honest.
When I encounter a disabled person, I wonder how much rejection they have dealt with in their life. We take ‘inclusion’ for granted. To those of us without a disability, there is so much commonality, it doesn’t often occur to us that differences can separate us in ways we don’t understand.
I admit, when I see people who have their hair colored in an unusual neon color, I tend to cringe. Or when young people wear their pants so low they can barely walk and undergarments are glaring at me, I again, cringe. They are choosing to be different—at least from the norm.
Unlike the telemarketer, who chooses to make calling people for marketing purposes, the individual without a hand, a burn victim with scars on his face, one sitting in a wheelchair, or numerous other possibilities didn’t choose to be different from their peers. It’s just the way things are. On what basis do we have the right to be unkind and reject the person he is?
Rejection hurts. Perhaps this week, no matter who we encounter, we can choose to be accepting and kind.
Photo Credit: https://unsplash.com/s/photos/headset
Figuring Out The Test
I’m a big fan of “The Walton’s” television show. I’ve seen the episodes so many times I know which one it is just by the title. There was one when Jim-Bob was graduating from high school and he discovered he was eligible to be valedictorian. He didn’t want the honor and decided to rid himself of the responsibility. All he had to do was fail the final test.
Elizabeth, his youngest sibling took him to task and informed him, if he deliberately failed the test, then that too, is cheating. He didn’t fail, and took on the responsibility and honor of valedictorian for his class.
I had a question posed to me recently that caused me only momentary pause. Would you cheat on a test if you knew you would not get caught? My immediate reaction to that is, “No, of course not!” ….and I honestly don’t believe I would. My conscience would kill me!
As I talked with a friend of mine about this she shared her boyfriend just answers according to a pattern. Apparently, multiple choice tests, although answers should be random, have some kind of pattern, that if skilled enough to catch, can make the test easy to complete, even if you don’t know the answer! I’m not nearly clever enough to figure that out. That would take longer than taking the test!
Another friend says her son just doesn’t care and puts the same letter all the way through the test. Needless to say, this young man has problems passing the test! Is this the same idea “Jim-Bob” had when he was going to deliberately fail his test? The child who doesn’t care, or even try to do his best, is cheating himself.
We all learn, and respond differently to material being presented and the way we respond. Sometimes if uninterested, some will catch the ‘bare-minimum’ of the material to just get through. Others will pour themselves in an assignment to get the most they can from it.
When I think about learning for the test, I remember my young ones being ‘readied’ for the ‘mandated standardized test’ every child in our public schools had to take. It was more of a ‘school assessment test’ than a ‘student test.’ It’s what they were expected to have learned overall in their school, and it was important that schools received a high score.
Children with disabilities also learn, but differently. Are they ready, when their peers are, for that same kind of test? Maybe, but maybe not. I don’t think we’re supposed to learn just ‘to pass a test.’ What good is the material if we can’t apply it to real life; if we can’t make use of it somehow?
Don’t misunderstand; history, math, language and other subjects are extremely important and have daily application when we think about it. But learning should be ‘for the joy of learning.’ We need to understand (and perhaps in some way make our youngsters understand) that the information we ‘get’ is information we will likely use in at some time in our lives, even if it’s in our later years. This is important regardless of what grade we are in, or our particular abilities—- or lack thereof!
But learning material just to get by, rarely does us any good. We’ve got to care about what we are learning, or it’s going to a temporary file that will eventually be deleted in our minds. Then what good is it?
I know our students, at all levels, are often overwhelmed with information and data for a variety of different classes. And sadly, much of what our children learn is “for the test.” Learning information is of greater value than just for plugging into a test. It should be vital and worthwhile; something that we willingly retain to improve quality of life!
Photo Credit: https://pixabay.com/images/search/exam/
River of Unknowns
“I don’t get it,” my friend said. “It seems every time I get close to moving to another job, the rug gets pulled out from under me.”
“I don’t want you to move,” I said. “I like you working here.”
“I know. But I want to prove to myself that I’m more than my disability,” my friend returned.
“Well, then you just need to step out with confidence and go for it.”
“I’m not good enough…..and I’m afraid.”
Fear can stop us in our tracks, and for a lot of reasons, but one of the biggest is the fear of letting go, moving out of our comfort zone; and those with a disability face even greater ‘giants’ than those of us who are non-disabled.
It seems our past, even if it’s unpleasant, has a way of conforming us to a box we are completely used to. It’s our “normal,” our “comfort zone.” It is what we know and if we leave that box, we are changing what always has been. Change comes hard for many people and often even harder for those with disabilities.
Some people with disabilities deal with a degree of shame just because they are different. They wonder what impact their ‘difference’ will have in a new environment or if they will ever be accepted for who they are, just they way they are. So many questions wrap around change. We become suffocated with the fear of “what ifs.” It keeps us from moving forward and stifles growth.
Along with wanting to stay safely in our comfort zones, rises the “fear of failure monster.” It seems we harbor fears of falling flat on our face. We are certain, like my friend above, that if we finally get enough courage to move forward, we are going to fail. That too, raises many questions that feeds our fears. There are questions of the ramifications of failure…Where will that leave me? How will I face my peers, or how will I make ends meet financially? Will my disability haunt me and shut doors that need opening? There are so many unknowns!
This “fear of failure monster” has a “sibling!” ….The “fear of success monster!” This “monster” raises questions much like the “failure monster” because change again is a factor. You can’t move forward without some kind of change. Change brings growth and takes us out of that comfort zone where we feel safe.
Along with the success monster comes another “sibling;” the “fear of responsibility monster.” If we have success then people might find our hidden talents or capabilities, which could bring on more responsibility and the fear that people will abuse us, take us for granted, or expect more than we are able to give —-and then we would be unable to live up to people’s expectations.
It seems there is always some kind of ‘fear monster” we must overcome if we plan to grow, stretch our potential and move forward to new places and experiences. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Always do what you are afraid to do.” It’s hard— because we don’t have all the answers! There are so many unknowns!
Consider the one thing you’ve always wanted to do and try to find a way to see it through. It might be asking for a promotion, changing jobs for better pay, or visiting a foreign country, becoming a missionary, or any other passion you’ve been hiding and suppressing for a very long time. Allow yourself to grow and experience new things!
A Different Perspective
My husband laughs at me when I see certain commercials. I tend to react either with tears, if it really touches my heart strings, or with disgust at the stupidity! There are those that insult intelligent thinking people, and others where people just do strange things, like walking off a building to sell insurance or try to make you believe chewing a certain kind of gum makes a person fall in love with another!
It’s interesting (and frustrating) how commercials often attack our personal value. We are blasted with information on dieting, sexuality, incontinence, dating sites, make up, hair loss (or growth) clothes styles or even material products like a car, house, shoes, accessories, drinks or snacks, and more that imply unless we buy the product they’re promoting, we will surely be less than appealing or an utter failure in life!
They also imply we are going to be rejected by those we love and care about. To have less than perfect eyebrows, teeth, skin, hair or other physical trait that is not equal to their standards, makes us less than those who are. And have you ever noticed that most every one of those folks making the commercials are the perfect weight and size and shape?
This is an insult to those who do not fit their criteria of perfect, including those who have a disability. There is nothing wrong with the way we look, dress size or shirt we wear, color of our hair, length of our fingernails or any other human condition! We are created different by design! Sometimes it means we have to work a little harder (or maybe a lot harder) to reach our goals. But the products with which we are inundated, is not a critical factor to getting us where we want to go!
Adding to the attack on our personal value, the speed at which our culture is changing, is downright frightening. Disrespect between adults, or children and adults, is at an all time high, while general behavior is exceedingly rude and obnoxious. Television demonstrates and insists on self-reliance and independence nearly as soon as a child can talk. There was a comedy some years back where the baby in the crib was the central character as we listened to his thoughts regarding his dating father and girlfriend. Or recently, in a commercial, a child in a crib was a finance genius and shared his thoughts on how we should invest money!
Sometimes commercials use shock tactics to engage listeners. They use horrific pictures of crippled children or animals to convince us we need to give money to help them. The same strategy is used to compel people to send money for veterans and other causes. I’m not suggesting the causes aren’t compelling and genuine. It’s how the advertising is done that causes me to recoil, including skewing statistics to manipulate how we think.
Our ‘perceived’ need is just that— ‘perceived’ by someone who has something to sell. It likely won’t be as ‘perfect’ a product at they claim. It’s not going to solve all our problems or make us as beautiful as the actor/actress! We are who we are: —-people with disabilities, tall, short, various sizes, shapes, colorings and more; just the way we were meant to be!
Photo Credit: https://www.pexels.com/photo/group-of-people-standing-indoors-3184396/
Old and Alone
When I was a child I remember a husband and wife who loved my sister and I. It started very casually as riders on the bus the husband drove every Sunday taking us to church. As a friendship development, both my sister and I were invited to their home and we spent quite a few Sunday afternoons with them. Yet, this husband and wife never had any children of their own.
In my high school years one of my teachers and I became good friends. Her husband also worked at the high school and I was dumbfounded when she clearly stated the last thing she wanted was children of her own. She said, “I don’t want little finger prints on my coffee table or on my refrigerator.” I had a really difficult time processing that!
As a young person, it never occurred to me people would “choose” to not have children! My teacher friends opted to have dogs they cared for like their children. My friends from my early childhood worked and had active lives without any children of their own and even now seem very content. But it makes me wonder about the possibility of loneliness as they age. In one conversation about this topic the question was raised, “What do people do when they get old and have no children or extended family? Who will take care of them?”
In our modern world, we have become so involved in climbing the corporate ladder, family dynamics are changing, and changing dramatically! Besides that, there is a breakdown of family relationships as grown children move away from their parents, sometimes across the country which creates a feeling of “a childless” life when the parent/grandparent doesn’t see their children or grandchildren for months at a time.
When I look at families with children of disabilities, choices are a little more difficult. Many of these children don’t grow up and ‘leave the nest.’ They remain the responsibility of their caregivers, who are very often the parents.
Yet there are those who do manage to reach a degree of self-autonomy and are able to function in their own apartments and hold jobs, marry and have children of their own. While they can care for themselves, can they offer the care necessary for their aging parents?
Statistics are showing many seniors feel isolated as the wedge between family grows. They feel unimportant and pushed aside. It’s creating a loneliness epidemic with staggering numbers. According to some statistics, 18 percent of our seniors live alone, and nearly half deal with loneliness on a regular basis!
Our culture has created the concept that “Mom and Dad need to be in an assisted living facility or nursing home because I don’t have the time to care for the properly.” While the concept may be held with good intentions, it is way missing the mark. These seniors want interaction with family they know and love, not strangers who tend to their basic needs, but rarely touch the depths of their souls like personal children and grandchildren can. Our seniors are missing out on a very special time in their lives. They have so much to give.
Additionally, we as a society, especially within the family unit have so much to gain when we include them in our everyday lives. They have a lifetime of memories and love to share, but we are stealing this precious time from them causing not only loneliness, and depression, but an early death.
Please understand, I know there are times when a nursing facility is the best option, given medical conditions. I just urge you to consider if ‘another home’ is really the best option for everyone concerned. I challenge you to take a good look at your parent(s), and grandparents. Could you include them in your lives on a regular basis? Can you make them feel loved, valued and worthwhile—even if it is in the confines of a nursing home? You’ll be richer for it and they will have a grateful heart!
Ignorance Is Bliss
My husband and I rarely watch the news. We both find the information depressing, since most of it is bad, and it often evokes anger and disbelief, even as we watch a video clip, assuring us the information is indeed accurate. Now that said, my husband is diligent about checking out the news clips he sees online. In his disgust or disbelief, he will sometimes read the article that has piqued his interest. It makes me wonder if by choosing to not know the news, we find it less stressful than “being in the know” and in a sense have the attitude of “ignorance is bliss.”
We are not alone in our desire to “not know the news!” Some research suggests complex issues like the world or US financial status, environment, governmental matters and even energy usage are being blocked by consumers who choose to avoid being informed beyond the barest minimum. It seems many people would rather leave the important matters, they feel they have no control over anyway, is best left to the “powers that be” even if it makes them angry!
Is this behavior any different than the person who chooses to not watch the news, which could make him aware of danger in his community or neighborhood like a robbery or even a murder? He feels ignorance is bliss because if he knows about “said danger” he would just be worried about his family and unable to sleep. In this case, is ignorance bliss?
Another area where ‘ignorance is bliss’ reigns is in the Disability arena. I admit, I was one of that group years ago! I remember when my children were in school and while I knew a few Special Needs teachers, I was not involved in ‘their world’ and wasn’t interested. I have always said, “It takes a special person to be a Special Needs Teacher, and it’s not me!”
I had five children and none were Special Needs. It came as a total surprise to me when I discovered my ‘Paxton Series’ books would be a disability series! The first book was more environmental and written at the request of my Publisher who suggested I write a book involving animal characters. My immediate reaction was…. “uhhh no.” But I did what I was asked and in the writing of the first book, included an early arrival of a baby buffalo and an antelope with asthma!
Because of these two episodes, which required very little research, other than mentioning the problem, I became unintentionally interested in the subject of special needs! I followed up with a book called, ‘An Early Arrival’, discussing the problems that can be incurred from being born too early and then with ‘The Great Race’, which talks about the problems with having asthma!
These new books took a good deal of research to write accurately but I learned so much! But I also discovered that I wasn’t alone in my ‘ignorance is bliss’ attitude from years before! I found that unless a person (or family) is intimately involved in Special Needs, they usually have very little interest or information. Again, I had been in this group and was mortified!
Ignorance is NOT bliss. The more we know, the better we understand and realize that being a Special Needs person does NOT make you less a person than anyone else. Each person, regardless of disability has unique and wonderful qualities and abilities. They want nothing more than to be recognized for what they can do; NOT what they cannot, just like you or me.
It’s time we recognized the child with a disability not because of their ‘disability’ but of their ‘ability’! We need to embrace the wonders, perspective and amazing kindness and heart each of these, in this often forgotten people group. Let’s start today—this very moment to bring change through understanding and inclusion.
Photo credit: https://www.google.com/search?client=safari&rls=en&q=free+pictures+of+%27ignorance+is+bliss&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8
Moving To Assist A Senior Loved One: Everything You Need To Know
A little bit different kind of blog today. I hope you’ll enjoy this guest blog by Claire Wentz who is a former home health nurse and recognizes that our aging population means many more people will become senior caregivers over the years. Specifically, she is interested in providing assistance and support to those caregivers who do not live near their loved ones. She hopes her writing will inform, them, uplift them, and give them peace of mind when they need it.
As your parents or other loved ones age, you may wonder how best to help them. If you currently live too far awayto assist them on a regular basis, you may be thinking about moving closer. Before you start packing, consider the timing of your move, the ways you're willing to help, and the logistics of the move.
How To Know When To Move
If you live far away, it may be difficult to know when your aging loved ones need help. The simplest method is to ask. Be sure to check in regularly over the phone. Everyone struggles sometimes, but if your loved ones begin to have trouble with multiple major tasks — paying bills, doing housework, socializing, or transportation — it may be time to start thinking about a move.
Have a conversation with your loved ones. Explain how you want to help. Discuss as a team whether it's best for your loved ones to move into a smaller home or stay in their current home and whether it's more practical for you to move in with them or find your own place. Decide on a timeline.
How To Help Your Senior Loved Ones
Depending on your loved ones’ needs and your ability to help, assistance may include:
• Physical help, such as cleaning and transportation
• Organizational help, such as setting up bill payments and keeping a schedule
• Emotional support, such as lending a listening ear and planning social outings
You may provide assistance once a week, once a day, or 24/7.
If you plan to provide help around the house, look at your loved ones’ current home and determine whether it’s within your ability to maintain. If the home is large or in need of repairs, it may be time to downsize.
Decide ahead of time the specific ways you can help. Then you can decide if it's best for you to move to the same city, to the same neighborhood, or into the same house as your loved ones.
How To Move With Less Stress
Planning your move well in advance can make the process easier. Once you’ve discussed living situations with your senior loved ones, get preapproved for a mortgage. This allows you to start looking at neighborhoods and homes within your price range and move quickly once you find the perfect house.
Start decluttering as soon as you know you want to move. The more time you have to go through your closets, the less stressful it is. If you’re moving in with your senior loved ones, you may not need all your kitchenware or cleaning supplies in the new space. Get rid of anything unnecessary, and help your senior loved ones do the same.
Take the pressure off of yourself and your senior loved ones by hiring movers to do the heavy lifting. This way you can focus on your loved ones’ needs, and you can avoid potential injury.
Move Forward With Confidence
Whether you’re considering moving to assist your senior loved ones next year or next decade, the keys to success are thinking ahead and communicating clearly.
Aging and major life transitions can be challenging to navigate. Browse books by Margie Harding for encouragement and reflections on all seasons of life.
Unlikely Friendships
I heard the story about how a prosecutor and a gangster became friends. When they met, the prosecutor, a successful woman with an indomitable spirit and a lot of grit, was determined to put the man who had become a felon in his youth, used drugs, killed a man and had little respect for the law, behind bars. Circumstances, determined by a Judge, to have the man participate in a pre-trial program precipitated an unlikely friendship.
It didn’t begin as friendship. Both the prosecutor and gangster brought their own viewpoints to the scheduled meetings, keeping a measured physical distance between each other. One day, however, the prosecutor made the decision to shorten their physical distance and joined him on the bench he was sitting. This one act of kindness grew into a mutual respect and acceptance over a period of months.
She began seeing him as a young man who had a life of “hard knocks” that were not entirely all his own doing, even though the choices he made, he had to “own.” She gained a perspective of the law that included justice, but with kindness and not just a desire to put all rebellious young men, behind bars.
The young man still had to pay for his crimes, but his manner and attitude toward his ‘situation’ changed. The prosecutor believed the young man could make the change required to start a new life, and he accepted the challenge.
Our lives are all defined by our choices. We each have ‘hard knocks’ that can catapult us into situations that left unchecked, can make our lives much different than what we had imagined. But when someone believes in us, it helps put things in the proper perspective and can help us get back on track.
This same thing is true of our children. As parents we watch (and cringe) while attempting to raise our children right. It seems no matter how hard we try, our offspring want to take a different path than we’d like. That’s not a bad thing in itself. Our children need to be true to themselves, until it becomes a problem of legality or life and death. We don’t want them to make choices that will put them in prison, even for a day!
As adults, however, we make, even if inadvertently, judgement calls on people we don’t know well. We judge on their looks, attitude, behaviors, history (if we know it), what others think or what we think they think, geography, our own history and attitudes and more. The point is, sometimes our perceptions are skewed by what we don’t know!
Our own biases and fears can give our children the wrong impression or feelings. Have you ever been shopping or otherwise in public and witnessed a child’s preoccupation with a person in a wheelchair, Down Syndrome, or other visible disability? Our initial reaction is to scold for staring, and quickly find the quickest way around them. What we are teaching our children is to avoid that which we don’t understand or even perhaps to avoid that which we find ‘less’ than what we perceive as a ‘regular and/or perfect’ human being.
If we are deliberately careful with making pre-conceived judgements, —-and teach our children to be this way, as well, we (and our children) may discover a friend rather than an adversary. Perhaps like the prosecutor and gangster, we will be able to create ‘unlikely friendships!”
Photo Credit: https://www.pexels.com/search/wheelchair/
Life Happens
I watch the young woman seated in the middle of her kitchen floor watching her little nine month old Sarah pull everything out of the cabinet, while sharing a fresh garden tomato with her other two little ones who are only dressed in mis-matched outfits they chose this morning. Her hair is in a pony tail, and while she put on clean clothes today, they have baby food spots, syrup and egg stains from breakfast. It matters not the dishes are not washed or this morning’s laundry is still not folded, and toys are strewn from one end of the house to the other or that the checkbook is far from balanced!
Laughing, she looked up at me and said, “You know last Monday I had the house all straight and it still looked like a tornado had gone through. But I don’t care. I love spending time with my babies. Somewhere deep inside me there’s daddy’s little girl, a daughter, a momma, and a wife who has it all together. Her house is in order, check book balanced, dinner is in the slow cooker, a play date is planned for the little guys and she still enjoys life! But, alas, for the moment she’s in hiding and just refuses to come out!”
I loved her perspective! It’s about priorities! It about relationships that matter this very minute! I remember when my own children were little, I had a note stuck to my refrigerator that said, “My house isn’t dirty; we are decorated in early childhood!” I contend many moms feel this way, but a parent with a special needs child, the responsibility and perspective changes.
As a parent who had five children, none of which were special needs, I remember being worn out at the end of the day. I tried to spend one on one time with each of them on a specific night during the week; and while that was wonderful, sometimes, ‘time’ just didn’t allow it. Before I realized it, they were all grown up with lives of their own.
A special needs child doesn’t always grow up and ‘fly away’ into their own lives. It’s a matter of having a ‘small child’ for life. The dependency for a child of 6, 16 or beyond, with a disability can be as much, as for one who is a toddler. The idea of even the occasional ‘girls night out’, relaxing because she is finally got a few moments of her own, or even fully-restful sleep is a thing of the past.
This configuration of an ordinary day can cause an immense amount of stress, as many ‘hats’ are required to keep the home running smoothly, especially if there are several children, or functioning, based on the severity of the disability. Parents are their child’s advocate, therapist, medical facilitator, and more! And in the middle of all that is parenting any other children and doing their best to creating an environment which includes them, being wife, housekeeping, chef, taxi and everything else that comes with having a family!
We have a very short time on this Earth. We get so caught up in life, we miss out on so much. The idea of sitting in the floor with the babies means more than making sure the clothes are folded, the dishes all washed and beds made! Our little people grow up so fast and there is no way we can reclaim lost time, even with our ‘challenged’ ones. Once those moments are spent, they are spent forever.
I encourage you to hold your little ones close. Let them know you as a mom or dad who who wants to make memories with them. Cherish these moments. Once they grow up, they discover a life that scoops them up and carries them away to their own lives; work, career and children of their own.
Or perhaps, you have a disability child who depends on you enormously in every way imaginable. They too, are a priceless gift and you were chosen to be their parent. Enjoy them. Each child is a gift to be prized as much as the very air we breathe!
Bullying Frenzy
There is something absolutely wonderful about hearing birds of all descriptions singing their bright, cheerful songs first thing in the morning, and all through the day. As I stand on my porch and listen to the various notes, I admit, I can’t identify all the different birds by their sounds; but I can enjoy the sounds just the same.
When our children were young, I bought bird books and had our binoculars handy because we had all sorts of bird feeders to entice the feathered singing creatures to our yard. We had house finches, orioles, robins, chick-a-dees and others I can’t even name. We also planted flowers and bushes that would tempt them to our area, per the advice of the given reading material.
As time passed and we kept reading, we discovered the advice, that feeding the birds, was not always a good thing. It makes them dependent on humans for food and caused them to no longer forage for food naturally. After that, we slowly began deleting the bird feeders and only fed them when the ground was totally snow covered or iced over.
It’s interesting to note that some birds seem to be ‘bully’ birds! The bigger black birds, and others will chase off the smaller ones and dominate the feeders just because they can! I’m left with the ‘bully birds’ eating the food while the smaller birds who seem to have no problem sharing, regardless of color or size, can eat for a bit, retreat, allowing for others to have a share, then flit back in to retrieve more morsels and sometimes find another limb to perch on to eat their prize.
I couldn’t help but giggle as a friend posted a picture and comment how the black birds had come and ate all the food she and her husband put out for the birds during the snowstorm we had over the weekend! Another person commented they had the same problem. We had only suet out this time, and while the black birds came early and did ‘bully’ the little ones for a while, I guess they weren’t impressed with the suet and left it for the others!
People are like that too. When you watch small children playing, you rarely notice any distinction of color or any other differences including disabilities. Yet when a larger child joins the group, it changes things. Disabilities seem to warrant an extra dose of hostility because those who are different, are easily more vulnerable.
A child with a bad limp, Down Syndrome, or other visible disability is a prime target of those who choose to be hostile. It seems like our culture is set on having on a ‘bullying frenzy’ when someone is different from us. It’s like we put them is a special box saying ‘it’s okay to pick on me; I’m different.” That’s such a bad perspective.
We are created uniquely different. Each of us have some weakness, but not all are exposed. I contend that those who have a visible difference, we consider a weakness, are just as special as a movie star, famous musician, author or other person considered great! In fact, some of those with a disability have gifts that outshine other people of supposed influence. They can be gifted musicians, singers, writers, artists and more.
Like those of us who choose to chase away the birds that bully the small ones, we should be diligent about pushing away and restricting those who would choose to bully the disabled. I contend they are superstars and deserve to be treated in that manner!
Photo Credit: https://www.dreamstime.com/photos-images/bird-feeders.html
Childhood Epiphanies
When I was in fifth grade, there were two very popular girls in my classroom who held only disdain for me. They saw me as poor, (I was, but I’m not sure I knew it), needy, (perhaps, I couldn’t understand why they didn’t like me) and a royal bother! (Their hostility toward me just didn’t connect in my ten-year-old brain!) It wasn’t until many years later, I could make some connection with their perception of wealth and popularity.
It’s funny, after all these years I can still remember their names: Judy and Carolyn! There were times when they made the promise they’d be my friend if I ….. did something specific. Nothing horrible, thankfully; but the promise was always short lived. It’s interesting that it took me so long to understand the rejection had more to do with wealth (or the lack of it) than anything! It might have made things easier if I could have gotten that message back then! I didn’t have the “childhood epiphany”!
Another friend tells the story how as a fourth grader, she was asked by one of her peers to play with her at recess. Delighted, she agreed. In the meantime, another opportunity presented itself for entertainment at recess and she joined in. The first friend not only did not forget her invitation, and my friend’s acceptance, but boldly reminded the girl of the promise. This incident set a precedence for the rest of her life. Whether or not my friend considered the effect of this as a “childhood epiphany” I don’t know, but she found it excessively difficult to not keep her word, once she made a commitment.
I heard another story about a boy who was bullied in school, but had a connection with another student with the same problem. One day the boy was approached, with kindness, by some popular boys who usually tormented him and he was elated. When the newcomers saw the friend with whom the boy had before identified, began teasing the friend. The boy who wanted to be included with his ‘new friends’ joined in. When the boy saw the pain of betrayal and sadness on his first friend’s face, he had a ‘childhood epiphany.’
Young children are usually not innately cruel. Yes, they can be stingy, with the ‘it’s mine’ attitude until they learn they must share. But color doesn’t matter, the length of hair, weight, height, or even a disability. For them, it’s ‘just someone else to play with!’ As they grow and learn about ‘differences’ and toleration levels, the sense of unity deteriorates and they follow along with what they’ve ‘learned.’
The disabled child or another other child that is somehow inherently different, wants to be included in the lives of those they know. They don’t want to be reminded of their differences. They still learn, laugh, love, and in all the ways that are important, are the same as every other child they know.
Why does there need to be a focus on differences? A childhood ‘epiphany’ of differences as being wrong, is wrong! We are created differently by design. Different cultures, thought processes and traditions give us all reason to grow! Children are children, and people, people, regardless of race, color, religion, political beliefs, disability or any another other difference you want to name. Is it possible one day we’ll all come realize that?
A Life Well Lived
I visited an aunt recently who has a lot of different physical issues. She’s in her early 80’s now, but as a young wife and mother, she had boundless energy and worked hard to care for her little people and husband. She always had a very large garden and farm animals. She canned foods harvested and tended to the animals when her husband was busy with other duties. Her yard boasted beautiful flower beds and plants that welcomed any visitor. She could cook amazing dishes, sewed for her family and still made sure she had time for church activities!
At our visit a few weeks ago, this amazing, vibrant woman looked beaten as she deals with physical illness and worse an emotional loneliness. She still has family near by and in fact, even lives with one of her daughters, yet she’s experiencing devastating loneliness. She’s the last living of all her siblings…..all eighteen of them! Yes, you read right. Her mother gave birth to twelve and one set of six was inherited when her mother who outlived three husbands, remarried one who had six children! She feels alone and separated, with the deaths of her siblings.
Another woman I loved very much, my mother-in-law, suffered from Alzheimers. It was awful watching this debilitating disease steal my mother-in-law’s mind. She, like my aunt, was also an amazingly vibrant woman. But when this disease moved in, she changed into a woman who lived her life vicariously through “her programs,” the game shows in the morning and then the soap operas, each afternoon, until she reached the stage of not being able to cope with the world around her in any normal fashion. I was devastated the day we moved her to a nursing home because we were, as a family, unable to properly care for her any longer. The disease caused her to become aggressive, argumentative and unwilling to take medicine or respond to everyday situations.
Dementia is yet another villain stealing our elderly. One well-known man in our neighborhood actually laid down in the road to nap without understanding what he was doing. Arthritis and osteoporosis robs victims of their ability to stand and move freely, while falls cause broken hips and shoulders that are determined to not heal quickly, causing isolation and the loneliness like my aunt is experiencing now.
Stated simply, age affects and changes all of us. Those who deal with disabilities in any area of life, are no different and when age is added to the equation, the disability can be exacerbated. According to statistics, the most common disability affected by ongoing age, seems to be in the area of mobility which includes the inability to walk, dexterity or even stamina; followed closely behind by cognition. and independent living.
I’m no different than anyone else. I’m not crazy about “growing older.” But the reality of life is, we age every day. It’s what we do with our lives while we still are able, that makes a difference. Again, age absolutely changes things. And while the changes can be frustrating and debilitating, disability or not, we have much to offer those around us, as we reach what is sometimes known as our “golden years!”
I encourage you to be as productive, in as many creative ways you can, while you still have cognitive ability and health! Use your unique talents and abilities to enjoy your life, and make other’s lives as happy and fulfilled as only you can do, and you’ll both be happier for it!
Photo Credit: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/930767447958119227/
The Gift of Reading and Writing
I am a notetaker. During church services with pen in hand, I write! Other times I want to get thoughts down on paper so I don’t forget, especially when it’s related to a story I’m writing or an article I’m working on.
When I was in high school I took Gregg Shorthand and loved it! It’s an amazing way of writing, that unless you know shorthand, you can’t read. It was designed for those in the business world who would be taking dictation from their boss for their correspondence.
Shorthand was created using unique lines, curves and circles which make up the alphabet and is a very fast way to take notes. At the time I could take dictation at 120 words a minute! The faster you could listen, comprehend and write it, the better your chances of landing a job! Of course, while I can still read shorthand, being able to write it quickly, has completely changed. Very often, I have to ‘think’ about how it’s done. I’ve lost what I consider a very important skill.
Another form of writing which requires knowledge is Braille, used primarily by the blind or visually impaired. I’m fascinated by watching someone move their fingers across the raised dots, in sequences of six, on the page and be able to read the words and sentences there.
Like Shorthand, Braille is not a unique language, although it looks like it. Each uses the American alphabet to create letters. And there is another similarity. Shorthand has what is known as ‘brief forms’ and Braille uses the same concept so familiar words can be shortened, speeding up the time needed to read a word or sentence.
January 4 is designated, World Braille Day to honor Louis Braille, the Frenchman who created this system, that opened up a whole new world to the blind and the visually impaired. Yet, statistics suggest that only one in ten people in our modern world, actually know Braille and are able to use it fluently.
By having a day set apart for this, it allows a platform and medium, if you will, to get the word out about the importance of learning this reading skill. But the truth is, Smart Phones and other technological devices, like Smart Readers, which actually reads aloud to the person who is on the laptop, is taking the place of actually ‘reading.’
Like Shorthand, when Braille is not used, the ability to use it later, is often lost. There is currently a push to encourage visually impaired students to continue to learn this skill. While technology is wonderful, it isn’t allowing the person to ‘read’!
An added element to the rapidly accessible technology, which is reducing the knowledge base of Braille, is the need of school districts to provide a ‘Braille teacher’ for those learning Braille, while in a school setting. Funding is always a problem in nearly any specific area, and when school districts can offer technology as an alternative, they often consider their job done.
Consider how you would feel if you couldn’t read, unless aided by technology. Is that where you would want to stop? What happens when technology is down? Can you see the merit in actually being able to write a letter to a loved one, even if it is in Braille?
Let’s help celebrate and support this gift of Braille writing, for those who are visually impaired. Reading and writing is a wonderful way to communicate. Let’s not lose it!
Happy New Year, Everyone!
#WorldBrailleDay #Braille #ReadingAndWriting
Photo Credit: https://depositphotos.com/vector-images/braille-alphabet.html?qview=89972034
Wisdom Waits
My friend shares the story of the time she went to a car dealership. The salesman came out sharing all his “official” information regarding all the different cars and their prices. Certain she wanted the used Impala, the salesman pressured her to look at “new.” She did; and against her better judgment, bought a new Corvette instead.
After the fact, while she liked her new car, she did not like the several year payments. She scolded herself more than once for not following her good judgment and just waiting for another time when she was under less pressure and then buy the car within her means, rather than forcing herself in a situation where payments often drained her of any extra funds for other things she wanted or needed.
“Wisdom waits!” I like this idea and I believe it’s smart! Sometimes it’s in our best interest to wait and let things “soak in” before reacting. Sometimes we hear information that leaves us with a lot of emotion and questions. Our impulse is to deal with the person or persons involved immediately. We want answers, now— or without ‘waiting’, share every thought that just popped in our head! But if we were to listen to wisdom, allow our emotions to simmer down rather than boiling over, we would likely respond a lot differently.
TV commercials command instant response. “Order right now…. this offer might not be available tomorrow….” And you see the same commercials for three more months! The implication is if you don’t order today, right now…..or sometimes even in the next ten minutes, you are going to miss out on an amazing deal because the deal will no longer be available. They are using a pressure sales tactic (like the car salesman) because they are afraid if you don’t do it right now, you probably won’t. Wisdom says wait and think about it! You may not need it or you might like something else similar, at better quality and perhaps at less cost.
This same idea can be used when trying to diet---or even just eat better! Wisdom tells me if I eat the extra chips, ice cream, drink a soda, or eat sweet processed food, I’m going to pay the price with weight gain, not loss. Add to this I am likely going to feel less than stellar, given the additives, sugars and processing of the food. Yet, often I fail, and reach for the food that seems to be “calling my name” anyway. If I’d listened to the reason of wisdom, I would have waited before giving in to my impulse; gone for a walk, or drink some water until “wisdom waits”, wins!
“Wisdom waits” would also be a good when a person in authority makes a judgment on an important matter without knowing all the details, and then freely shares in public his opinions on what happened. This can be devastating, since bad or inaccurate information can hurt a lot of people, who otherwise would not be affected.
For those not intimately involved with the Special Need Community, it’s another perfect time to use ‘wisdom waits’. When we view a disabled person or one with special needs in any form, how do we react? What do our children or spouse see and hear? What do your ears hear? What do those around you notice about your reaction? 2022 is upon us. Make a diligent effort over this next year to use the “wisdom waits” philosophy in all areas of your life! You might be surprised at the pleasant results!
Happy New Year, everyone!
Photo Credit: https://pixabay.com/photos/wheelchair-walk-care-disabled-3948122/
The 12 Days After Christmas
Joan Wiggins (I hope) I have your name right!) Somehow I lost your comment, after I replied! Thank you for commenting!
I reach under the tree for yet another gift. It isn’t big or highly decorated, but my husband’s name is on it. It is number seven out of twelve. Our children are grown now, but still we continue a tradition which was started back when our children were just small.
During Advent we celebrated each evening as we counted down the days until Christmas. Then we had the added pleasure of watching the excitement in our children’s eyes, as they gathered around the Christmas tree before retiring for the night for twelve days after this great holiday event. It thrilled our hearts anew as we celebrated the Christ Child all over again.
I read an article many years ago which detailed how a woman gave gifts anonymously to friends and strangers (who lived in her apartment building) for the twelve days before Christmas. On the first day she left a casserole at the door of a family who needed a meal. On the second day she left two loaves of bread for another. On the third, there were three coloring books for the children; the fourth there were four books to read. I’m sure by now you get the picture. She was offering acts of kindness for each of the twelve days of Christmas. I liked her idea, but living in the country created its own set of problems.
As I mulled the article over in my mind, (which has a history of going in odd directions!), I considered the time and effort we all put into making the Christmas holiday an extraordinary event. The planning for the meal, shopping for gifts, wrapping, decorating, baking and the list goes on. It occurred to me, we do all these “things” for a single day. In one fast, mind-warping moment, the gifts are opened, inspected and laid aside. The living room is littered with the pretty paper, ribbons and bows, while boxes are tossed about and pieces of the many gifts are both near and far away from the excited recipient.
It seems suddenly, in a mere breath, Christmas is over. Finished! All that is left is the clean up! Somehow I become overwhelmed with sadness. After reading the article of the anonymous gift giving, I decided to customize it for my family, with perhaps a bizarre twist. I decided rather than letting Christmas “end” on Christmas day, each child would have a single gift to open for the twelve days after Christmas! My husband wasn’t a participant the first year, because honestly, he thought me nuts! But after he saw the joy the little ones had, he joined in the next year and all those thereafter!
The gifts weren’t large or expensive but our family was able to extend the “thrill” of Christmas for a time afterwards. Understand we have five children, so the gifts were pencils, paper, small toys, note pads, index cards or other items the children needed. Additionally, most of the gifts (sixty at that time) were wrapped in recycled paper from the year before. So each night, the children gathered around the tree and the children took turns, with great delight, pulling out the gifts to hand to their siblings.
It is the season of giving. It’s the time of sharing the love of family and the Christ Child. Could this be the year you begin the ’twelve days of Christmas’ tradition? What fun to share with your young ones before they are grown up and gone; and they grow up so quickly! I encourage you to collect Christmas memories—even after Christmas, to forever cherish!
Brokenness At Christmas
My friend tells the story of a Christmas during his childhood when his parents planned a trip away for the holiday. He and his siblings were warned that to take the trip meant no gifts under the tree. Still, Christmas morning as children, they totally expected “something!” Surely there would still be gifts. To their surprise they opened only a single small gift. Smiling, they held tightly to their gift, saying thank you, while all the while feeling a painful, sick thunk in the bottom of their stomachs, and wanting to do nothing more than cry.
Years later the memory of this Christmas led my friend to want more than ever to give gifts to children who had little or nothing on Christmas morning. What must it feel like to wake up, know that it is Christmas and while all the other children in your neighborhood are opening grand gifts, you have nothing except dust under your tree? Perhaps even, there isn’t a tree, but an empty space where in your mind a beautifully decorated tree might have stood. I can’t imagine that kind of pain or sadness. Do the memories of their emptiness haunt them forever? Does that kind of brokenness ever heal?
There are other kinds of brokenness, as well. Only last week a friend went to the funeral of a young girl not long out of high school who was killed in a tragic car accident; or, the family who lost a loved one to cancer recently and must face the holidays without their father. What about the family whose sole provider just lost his job, or the family whose house burned down only weeks ago, or was struck by a horrific tornado that wiped out an entire community? What of the parents who celebrate this Christmas alone because their child has chosen to take another road, turning his back on all that he knew and once loved; or of the family where children are being destroyed while Mom and Dad battle in the courtroom during divorce settlement? This makes Christmas a sad time rather than a time of joy. How does a person handle that kind of pain?
The ‘people group’ of Disabilities is yet another arena where it is easy to find brokenness. Those with mental illness find this time of year is when depression, PTSD, and other challenges are intensified, giving life a sense of overwhelming distress. Disabilities impacting learning, or even physical conditions can create individuals struggling to cope with the holidays.
There is much pain and suffering in our world. Those experiencing grief may be close to us, or only in our peripheral vision, but they are there. And when pain is crippling relationships, breaking our hearts, or destroying our self-worth, it’s hard to experience the joy of Christmas.
I encourage you this week, as Christmas Day creeps ever closer, to choose to recognize there is brokenness in everyone’s life; and there are those around you who try with all their might to not let you see the pain they are experiencing. You needn’t know the problem, only notice a need and do what you can to ease their burden. Be creative. Offer a meal, a ride somewhere, a gift of kindness in any form. Leave gifts on the porch for the little ones (and even the older ones if you can), invite them to dinner, offer them a cup of coffee and a listening ear, take a box of cookies, or homemade bread. It needn’t be a grand gift. (You might even want to give anonymously. If you give sincerely and with compassion, it will be cherished.)
It’s Christmas, the season of giving. Give with your heart and you’ll receive a blessing.
Christmas All Year Long
“I wish we could have Christmas every day,” my little granddaughter said admiring all the gifts under the tree.
“Why?” I asked.
“Cause then we could get presents every day,” she responded quickly.
As I reflected later on this conversation I wonder if Christmas shouldn’t really be everyday of the year. My young granddaughter, although she knows Christmas is the celebration of Christ’s birth, is still measured in the material gifts she receives, a Christmas tree, decorations, lots of pretty lights, Santa, much company, a huge dinner and many wonderful surprises. Best of all, it includes gifts from Mom, Dad, aunts, uncles, grandparents and friends.
Oddly enough, many adults measure Christmas this way, as well. For them it is spending hours at the store buying gifts for everyone on their list, wrapping their treasures, parties, decorations and finally ending Christmas morning with the opening of presents. After the clean up and big family dinner, Christmas is over. Their “holiday” is finished with little thought given to why we celebrate Christmas at all. The true meaning is often lost in all the busy-ness of the season.
I challenge the theory of Christmas being only one day a year. Christmas, like my granddaughter innocently suggested, is everyday, or at least should be. The measurement of Christmas isn’t in material gifts; rather it’s measured in non-tangible and “spiritual” gifts. Joy is one of these gifts that cannot be measured, yet profound. The birth of a child, the love of a spouse, the kindness of a friend, hope in the future, or the wonder of nature all produce joy that can only be described as a gift.
Kindness is another gift that bears no measurement. A friend recently shared her friend has cancer, and each week my friend sends a card of encouragement. “It’s such a small thing,” my friend said with tears in her eyes, “but she told me very often those cards help her through her day.” Sending a card is a simple gesture, but a way to brighten another person’s life.
Expectant hope rises in an older granddaughter as she prepares in the spring to graduate from high school. Before her are dreams of college, career, and eventually a family of her own. We cannot know what waits ahead in any of our lives, but without the hope of attaining goals we would have no reason to work toward these dreams. Hope, too, therefore, becomes a gift that has no boundaries of measure.
Wind howls outside my window sending chills through me. Nature displays itself majestically as glistening snow covers the ground in a white, downy blanket. It is visible in rain that waters the earth, in flowers that bloom in spring, in natural falls that cascade down the mountainside and sunshine that warms my face. These, too, are gifts without measure.
As another grandchild toddles across the room, my heart fills with warmth and love. This feeling of love is greater than all else. It is shared with my spouse and is transcended to our children and to our grandchildren. It is demonstrated in the way we care for them and for each other and in turn their response to us. What greater gift is there than this?
These non-tangible gifts are the essence of Christmas: joy, love, hope, friendship, and nature. Are there more? Absolutely! Loyalty, companionship, dependability, trustworthiness and faithfulness, are only a few. The list can go on and on. Christmas is everyday, if we choose it to be. Is it buying and receiving material gifts? It is part of it, but the greater gift is found in the deeper meaning of Christmas. It is in the birth of God’s Son in a manger those 2000 years ago that gives love, hope and joy. It is what we can give and do for each other every day of the year that demonstrates Christmas all year long.