Childhood Epiphanies
When I was in fifth grade, there were two very popular girls in my classroom who held only disdain for me. They saw me as poor, (I was, but I’m not sure I knew it), needy, (perhaps, I couldn’t understand why they didn’t like me) and a royal bother! (Their hostility toward me just didn’t connect in my ten-year-old brain!) It wasn’t until many years later, I could make some connection with their perception of wealth and popularity.
It’s funny, after all these years I can still remember their names: Judy and Carolyn! There were times when they made the promise they’d be my friend if I ….. did something specific. Nothing horrible, thankfully; but the promise was always short lived. It’s interesting that it took me so long to understand the rejection had more to do with wealth (or the lack of it) than anything! It might have made things easier if I could have gotten that message back then! I didn’t have the “childhood epiphany”!
Another friend tells the story how as a fourth grader, she was asked by one of her peers to play with her at recess. Delighted, she agreed. In the meantime, another opportunity presented itself for entertainment at recess and she joined in. The first friend not only did not forget her invitation, and my friend’s acceptance, but boldly reminded the girl of the promise. This incident set a precedence for the rest of her life. Whether or not my friend considered the effect of this as a “childhood epiphany” I don’t know, but she found it excessively difficult to not keep her word, once she made a commitment.
I heard another story about a boy who was bullied in school, but had a connection with another student with the same problem. One day the boy was approached, with kindness, by some popular boys who usually tormented him and he was elated. When the newcomers saw the friend with whom the boy had before identified, began teasing the friend. The boy who wanted to be included with his ‘new friends’ joined in. When the boy saw the pain of betrayal and sadness on his first friend’s face, he had a ‘childhood epiphany.’
Young children are usually not innately cruel. Yes, they can be stingy, with the ‘it’s mine’ attitude until they learn they must share. But color doesn’t matter, the length of hair, weight, height, or even a disability. For them, it’s ‘just someone else to play with!’ As they grow and learn about ‘differences’ and toleration levels, the sense of unity deteriorates and they follow along with what they’ve ‘learned.’
The disabled child or another other child that is somehow inherently different, wants to be included in the lives of those they know. They don’t want to be reminded of their differences. They still learn, laugh, love, and in all the ways that are important, are the same as every other child they know.
Why does there need to be a focus on differences? A childhood ‘epiphany’ of differences as being wrong, is wrong! We are created differently by design. Different cultures, thought processes and traditions give us all reason to grow! Children are children, and people, people, regardless of race, color, religion, political beliefs, disability or any another other difference you want to name. Is it possible one day we’ll all come realize that?