Life Happens
I watch the young woman seated in the middle of her kitchen floor watching her little nine month old Sarah pull everything out of the cabinet, while sharing a fresh garden tomato with her other two little ones who are only dressed in mis-matched outfits they chose this morning. Her hair is in a pony tail, and while she put on clean clothes today, they have baby food spots, syrup and egg stains from breakfast. It matters not the dishes are not washed or this morning’s laundry is still not folded, and toys are strewn from one end of the house to the other or that the checkbook is far from balanced!
Laughing, she looked up at me and said, “You know last Monday I had the house all straight and it still looked like a tornado had gone through. But I don’t care. I love spending time with my babies. Somewhere deep inside me there’s daddy’s little girl, a daughter, a momma, and a wife who has it all together. Her house is in order, check book balanced, dinner is in the slow cooker, a play date is planned for the little guys and she still enjoys life! But, alas, for the moment she’s in hiding and just refuses to come out!”
I loved her perspective! It’s about priorities! It about relationships that matter this very minute! I remember when my own children were little, I had a note stuck to my refrigerator that said, “My house isn’t dirty; we are decorated in early childhood!” I contend many moms feel this way, but a parent with a special needs child, the responsibility and perspective changes.
As a parent who had five children, none of which were special needs, I remember being worn out at the end of the day. I tried to spend one on one time with each of them on a specific night during the week; and while that was wonderful, sometimes, ‘time’ just didn’t allow it. Before I realized it, they were all grown up with lives of their own.
A special needs child doesn’t always grow up and ‘fly away’ into their own lives. It’s a matter of having a ‘small child’ for life. The dependency for a child of 6, 16 or beyond, with a disability can be as much, as for one who is a toddler. The idea of even the occasional ‘girls night out’, relaxing because she is finally got a few moments of her own, or even fully-restful sleep is a thing of the past.
This configuration of an ordinary day can cause an immense amount of stress, as many ‘hats’ are required to keep the home running smoothly, especially if there are several children, or functioning, based on the severity of the disability. Parents are their child’s advocate, therapist, medical facilitator, and more! And in the middle of all that is parenting any other children and doing their best to creating an environment which includes them, being wife, housekeeping, chef, taxi and everything else that comes with having a family!
We have a very short time on this Earth. We get so caught up in life, we miss out on so much. The idea of sitting in the floor with the babies means more than making sure the clothes are folded, the dishes all washed and beds made! Our little people grow up so fast and there is no way we can reclaim lost time, even with our ‘challenged’ ones. Once those moments are spent, they are spent forever.
I encourage you to hold your little ones close. Let them know you as a mom or dad who who wants to make memories with them. Cherish these moments. Once they grow up, they discover a life that scoops them up and carries them away to their own lives; work, career and children of their own.
Or perhaps, you have a disability child who depends on you enormously in every way imaginable. They too, are a priceless gift and you were chosen to be their parent. Enjoy them. Each child is a gift to be prized as much as the very air we breathe!