Old and Alone
When I was a child I remember a husband and wife who loved my sister and I. It started very casually as riders on the bus the husband drove every Sunday taking us to church. As a friendship development, both my sister and I were invited to their home and we spent quite a few Sunday afternoons with them. Yet, this husband and wife never had any children of their own.
In my high school years one of my teachers and I became good friends. Her husband also worked at the high school and I was dumbfounded when she clearly stated the last thing she wanted was children of her own. She said, “I don’t want little finger prints on my coffee table or on my refrigerator.” I had a really difficult time processing that!
As a young person, it never occurred to me people would “choose” to not have children! My teacher friends opted to have dogs they cared for like their children. My friends from my early childhood worked and had active lives without any children of their own and even now seem very content. But it makes me wonder about the possibility of loneliness as they age. In one conversation about this topic the question was raised, “What do people do when they get old and have no children or extended family? Who will take care of them?”
In our modern world, we have become so involved in climbing the corporate ladder, family dynamics are changing, and changing dramatically! Besides that, there is a breakdown of family relationships as grown children move away from their parents, sometimes across the country which creates a feeling of “a childless” life when the parent/grandparent doesn’t see their children or grandchildren for months at a time.
When I look at families with children of disabilities, choices are a little more difficult. Many of these children don’t grow up and ‘leave the nest.’ They remain the responsibility of their caregivers, who are very often the parents.
Yet there are those who do manage to reach a degree of self-autonomy and are able to function in their own apartments and hold jobs, marry and have children of their own. While they can care for themselves, can they offer the care necessary for their aging parents?
Statistics are showing many seniors feel isolated as the wedge between family grows. They feel unimportant and pushed aside. It’s creating a loneliness epidemic with staggering numbers. According to some statistics, 18 percent of our seniors live alone, and nearly half deal with loneliness on a regular basis!
Our culture has created the concept that “Mom and Dad need to be in an assisted living facility or nursing home because I don’t have the time to care for the properly.” While the concept may be held with good intentions, it is way missing the mark. These seniors want interaction with family they know and love, not strangers who tend to their basic needs, but rarely touch the depths of their souls like personal children and grandchildren can. Our seniors are missing out on a very special time in their lives. They have so much to give.
Additionally, we as a society, especially within the family unit have so much to gain when we include them in our everyday lives. They have a lifetime of memories and love to share, but we are stealing this precious time from them causing not only loneliness, and depression, but an early death.
Please understand, I know there are times when a nursing facility is the best option, given medical conditions. I just urge you to consider if ‘another home’ is really the best option for everyone concerned. I challenge you to take a good look at your parent(s), and grandparents. Could you include them in your lives on a regular basis? Can you make them feel loved, valued and worthwhile—even if it is in the confines of a nursing home? You’ll be richer for it and they will have a grateful heart!