River of Unknowns
“I don’t get it,” my friend said. “It seems every time I get close to moving to another job, the rug gets pulled out from under me.”
“I don’t want you to move,” I said. “I like you working here.”
“I know. But I want to prove to myself that I’m more than my disability,” my friend returned.
“Well, then you just need to step out with confidence and go for it.”
“I’m not good enough…..and I’m afraid.”
Fear can stop us in our tracks, and for a lot of reasons, but one of the biggest is the fear of letting go, moving out of our comfort zone; and those with a disability face even greater ‘giants’ than those of us who are non-disabled.
It seems our past, even if it’s unpleasant, has a way of conforming us to a box we are completely used to. It’s our “normal,” our “comfort zone.” It is what we know and if we leave that box, we are changing what always has been. Change comes hard for many people and often even harder for those with disabilities.
Some people with disabilities deal with a degree of shame just because they are different. They wonder what impact their ‘difference’ will have in a new environment or if they will ever be accepted for who they are, just they way they are. So many questions wrap around change. We become suffocated with the fear of “what ifs.” It keeps us from moving forward and stifles growth.
Along with wanting to stay safely in our comfort zones, rises the “fear of failure monster.” It seems we harbor fears of falling flat on our face. We are certain, like my friend above, that if we finally get enough courage to move forward, we are going to fail. That too, raises many questions that feeds our fears. There are questions of the ramifications of failure…Where will that leave me? How will I face my peers, or how will I make ends meet financially? Will my disability haunt me and shut doors that need opening? There are so many unknowns!
This “fear of failure monster” has a “sibling!” ….The “fear of success monster!” This “monster” raises questions much like the “failure monster” because change again is a factor. You can’t move forward without some kind of change. Change brings growth and takes us out of that comfort zone where we feel safe.
Along with the success monster comes another “sibling;” the “fear of responsibility monster.” If we have success then people might find our hidden talents or capabilities, which could bring on more responsibility and the fear that people will abuse us, take us for granted, or expect more than we are able to give —-and then we would be unable to live up to people’s expectations.
It seems there is always some kind of ‘fear monster” we must overcome if we plan to grow, stretch our potential and move forward to new places and experiences. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Always do what you are afraid to do.” It’s hard— because we don’t have all the answers! There are so many unknowns!
Consider the one thing you’ve always wanted to do and try to find a way to see it through. It might be asking for a promotion, changing jobs for better pay, or visiting a foreign country, becoming a missionary, or any other passion you’ve been hiding and suppressing for a very long time. Allow yourself to grow and experience new things!