Be The Anchor For The Child With Anxiety

My young granddaughter felt sick almost each morning before school.  She would complain of a headache and her stomach hurting the entire way there.  Once she arrived and settled in, she’d be fine and have a good day---unless it was a day of testing, or situations where she was even remotely uncomfortable.  There were even days when her momma picked her up from school and she cried as soon as she got in the car.  She was done.  Emotionally exhausted.

While my granddaughter does not have anxiety to the level of “special needs,” her anxiety was very real.  On some levels, it was difficult not only for her, but for her momma and daddy as well, as they tried to understand, while being supportive.

My grandson, at age two refused to go into a Sunday School class alone, or even church nursery without one of his sisters with him.  He would cry as soon as mom left the room, oftentimes inconsolable.  Inevitable, this momma just kept him with her until he was finally ready to go to class on his own, at about age 4.  Did he complain?  Yes!  But he gained confidence each week and grew into a steady young man.

Both of these children, who outgrew their fears, are not labeled “special needs” but at a time in their young lives, experienced a substantial amount of trauma.  Imagine the child who not only never outgrows his fears, but rather has them intensify to levels of debilitation.  It happens more times than many would like to consider.

Children, by their very nature are emotional.  A change of plans, new environments, or even people can cause an eruption of emotions akin to terror that, as parents, are difficult to deal with.  Their reactions to something we perceive as perfectly normal, causes our emotions to settle on the edge of frustration and despair, leaving us and them, emotionally and physically drained.

Trying to decipher just what is frightening our child to the point of meltdown, can be exasperating; and then to determine what to do next can be a bit overwhelming.  Knowing coping methods, so when a parent can detect a child being uncomfortable, is a start.  But that takes active involvement at all times, from the parent.  Reassurance of love and understanding, patience and staying positive is crucial, as is standing up for him in social settings.

Recently a friend of mine shared she was in a social setting with lots of activities.  Her child stayed close to her side and was fearful she was going to leave.  Another person in the room, wanting to help, tried distracting her from her mother by trying to take the little one to be “line leader” or some other kind of “helper” which only created more anxiety.  The adult didn’t understand or take the ‘cues’ from mom that keeping her child with her was perfectly fine.  Mom finally had to say, “It really is okay my daughter stays with me.”

Anxiety can be construed as bad behavior.  It’s not.  It’s a very real emotion of fear and panic that usually can be “outgrown,” as coping skills are learned.  It, however, can take time.  Allow the time, praise the child for small accomplishments and don’t beat yourself up as a bad parent.  Children need to feel our gentle, loving hearts enclose them at all times, and be the “anchor” they can cling to when they are feeling overwhelmed. 

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