Leaving A Legacy
Both my parents passed away some years ago and I realized I hardly knew them at all! It’s odd to know they raised me until I was grown and I can’t tell you their favorite color or favorite book! I do remember favorite songs both my folks knew, and some of their favorite foods. But are those things really important? I wonder about how they felt about having just daughters, or about their childhoods!
It’s interesting to know both my parents grew up in the Amish faith. My dad’s parents left the church when he was a child and my mother left the Amish after she joined the church and therefore experienced shunning. This meant little or no contact with most of my family on my mother’s side. There were others in my mom’s family who also left the Amish and I was blessed to have a relationship with them, but it wasn’t until I became an adult I came to know some of my Amish family.
A friend told me a while back one thing she tries to do consistently is journal. She said her mother had journaled for years, but before she passed away, destroyed all her work because she didn’t want others to know about the pain she experienced while enduring a vicious cancer. Yet, it would be in these passages her daughter and other family members could have related to and understood some of what she went through.
One of my cousins said she would love to journal but she would never put anything unpleasant in it, like honest feelings when angry with her husband, children or situation. She didn’t want to seem like a negative person! Here again; wouldn’t it be wonderful to see how other people, especially someone close to you endured and got through tough times!
It’s interesting to note the television series, “Little House On The Prairie” and “The Walton’s” were both formed from kept journals. Both of these shows demonstrate human tragedy, triumphs, challenges, relationships and so much more that all people can relate with at one time or another! If Laura Ingalls or Earl Hamner had never put pen to paper neither of these shows would likely exist.
As mentioned when I began this writing, I admitted to knowing very little about my parents. That’s probably just a ‘kid’ thing. It never occurred to me to ask and they never thought to tell. But I haven’t even a clue as to how my folks met! I know very little of their growing up years and time spent with their parents, any particular illnesses they had, struggles endured, where they might have traveled for vacations or who their best friend was when they were children.
It makes me wonder, as a parent, what did I tell my children? We get so busy “parenting” we don’t think about telling them about our lives, or we don’t believe our life experiences are worth sharing!
I am a “journal-er.” It’s something I’ve done for years, long before I started “writing.” It was a form of release. It didn’t occur to me my children may want to read it someday! Will this be something my grandchildren, or great grandchildren might find interesting?
Are there unique circumstances to your family, that if you shared, your child or grandchild might use at a later time? Are there things they might like to be reminded of, as they become adults with their own children? Were there particular illnesses, or struggles or successes they might want to share? The legacy possibilities are endless!
If you are a disability parent, you have even more to share, given the variety of perspectives you could use! Your struggles are unique and so very special. It seems children with special needs have a unique way of teaching us so much about life! As humans, it’s impossible to remember details about everything. And daily activities even more so. But regular events, even if they don’t seem monumental, may be relevant later in life.
Beginning today, consider, if you don’t already, write some of the information about you and your family down! It doesn’t have to be perfect grammar; it just needs to be your heart, honest and real, and destroying it is not a good idea! Let your children and ancestors be recipients of your legacy!
Photo Credit: https://unsplash.com/s/photos/journaling
The Treasure of Children
“Can we go to the fireworks, Mom? Please?” ask the children.
“Possibly, even probably! We’ll see how the afternoon goes,” she answers, giggling at their excitement.
Later that evening, as the sun finally sets, the anxious little ones wait to see the colors burst in the air, even knowing they would be covering their ears to deaden some of the noise. At long last, the first explosion occurs, bright reds and blues, yellow and orange. In just moments later, another light burst explodes. Ohhs and wows can be heard, while children point in excitement; their eyes never leaving the night sky.
Our children are priceless! They are precious jewels and each is as unique as a snowflake! They brighten our lives much like the fireworks brighten the night sky. Their exploits can come in all colors, as we try to corral their energies into something productive and educational.
From the time they are born our hearts are captured by their tiny fingers and toes, sparkling eyes and loving smiles. We glory in their uninhibited hugs and expressions of love.
There is something rewarding, for both the giver and recipient, of pictures drawn with love, despite the awkward shapes of their best efforts. We revel in their achievements, regardless how small, as we see them focusing on what is before them and giving it all they’ve got.
Sometimes our children are born with special needs or disabilities and these children are special and no less important than those children who seem to have no problems. In fact, these children often can teach us how to truly appreciate and enjoy life.
Children, regardless of their balking, actually do appreciate boundaries. I remember a show many years ago, where a girl began crossing the set boundaries of the family. The father was advised to let her have her freedom and ignore the set rules. One night as she was out, she was in a situation she didn’t like. Ultimately she made her way home without incident, but when the father found out about it, asked her, “Why didn’t you call me?”
Her response: “I didn’t think you cared.” This show has stuck with me for a very long time. Just as discipline is a form of showing love, so is setting boundaries. It’s important for children to know they can count on us to be consistent in our love for them.
Our lives may not always be filled with perfect peace when it comes to our children, but they are priceless gems, nonetheless, that cannot be replaced. They offer us unparalleled joy, that if snatched away through an accident or early death or even an act of rebellion that cannot be restored, is devastating to the core of our souls. Their innocence, inquisitiveness, passion for life, and delightful expressions of love, leave us feeling confused some days, filled with exquisite joy on others, but always with a matchless feeling of love that runs to overflowing in our hearts.
I encourage you to reflect on the relationship you have with your children, and if you don’t have any, the children of others with whom you have contact. Can you relate to their zest for all that is new? Do you see the explosion of life through their eyes, like you might see the exploding fireworks in the night sky?
Photo Credit: https://www.google.com/search?q=free+pictures+of+fireworks&client=safari&channel=iphone
Tangled Mind
I searched and searched for the missing document. I knew I had filed it…somewhere! But for the life of me I could not lay my hands on it when I needed it! And then there was the time I couldn’t find the book on the tractor for my husband, or the bill he was sure we’d gotten a week earlier, or the set of keys that were immediately needed.
What makes this situation worse; it seems like when I “lose” something it’s because I deliberately moved it from its previous space, so that when I wanted it I could lay my hands on it in an instant. When the instant comes, I’m at a total loss!
Recently I discovered I’m not the only one who does this. Another friend looked like she was searching everywhere for something and I finally asked her if she lost something. She said “Yes! The title to the trailer we just sold,” she said. “Just tonight I told Elliot I knew right where it was, and now I have no clue what I’ve done with it!”
Like me, because she needed it immediately, her nerves made her mind tangle up in tiny knots making it impossible for her to think clearly. Finally, as she calmed down, she had that “ah ha!” moment and remembered where she put it!
I remember as a student facing a big exam and being horribly concerned about the outcome. It didn’t seem to matter how well I studied, looking at the test caused my brain to freeze. This wasn’t just in elementary, middle or high school! When I went to college as a “non-traditional” student, math class set me in a fit! I studied, did numerous problems over and over again and still when faced with working out the problem without notes, my brain became a tangled, forgetful mess!
There is some consolation in knowing that anxiety does actually cause you to forget things. I say consolation, because apparently it’s a scientific phenomenon. Memory, I discovered, is connected to nutrition and sleep; or that memories, according to some — are created while we sleep! That sounds like an oxymoron to me and I haven’t the faintest idea how that’s possible. But then, I’m not scientific either!
Sometimes, however, I think we forget our manners! We become so focused on ourselves we can’t see past our noses—-or our prejudices! I don’t think it’s always deliberate, but have you noticed how much ‘road rage’ there is on the highways? At the outset, I prefer to think if someone does something unkind, it’s not deliberate. But, retaliation is.
This isn’t the only place bad manners prevail. We see it in our homes, as our lifestyles are changing; in the class rooms, as children become more and more vocal and belligerent against society, and also when in proximity to someone with disabilities. It seems we forget that a disabled person is as much a person as we are. They have as much right to be happy, work, get an education, take care of their families and have a ‘life’ as anyone who is non-disabled. Yet, sometimes our behaviors does not reflect that.
I’d like to think the first time we display bad manners, it’s an oversight. Our minds are ‘tangled’ in our own little world and we are not considering anyone around us, as we try to figure out whatever the battle is going on in our brain. The next time however it’s, in my opinion, deliberate and that is just bad manners.
Thoughts? Please share!
Photo Credit: https://unsplash.com/s/photos/stress
Financial Lessons Every Young Adult Should Know
Image from Unsplash
As a nation, we are struggling in a variety of areas. Gas prices continue to climb to heights beyond our imaginations. Food shortages loom as do so many other questions in our economic society. Money management is paramount in figuring out how to get by. This doesn’t just apply to families with children, but to singles and other young adults, as well.
A few weeks ago I received a guest post by an amazing writer, Claire Wentz. She’s written an amazing article about finances for the young adult! I’d like to share this with you today.
Today's generation of young adults is faced with the challenge of navigating a complex and intimidating financial landscape. There are taxes to understand, mortgage conditions to pay, and stocks and cryptocurrency to make sense of. Seriously, why don't they teach this stuff in school?
Start by taking a deep breath. While understanding finances can be challenging, let's start with the basics. This article walks you through the essential financial lessons you need to know to manage your finances and breeze through life.
Compound Interest Is Pure Magic
Did you know that Warren Buffet, one of the world's premier investing gurus, swears by this magic principle? Additionally, did you know that a penny doubled every day for 30 days will leave you with around $5,368,702? That's compound interest right there. As CNBC's compound interest guide reports, this principle can apply to savings, loans, credit card payments, and other interest-ridden amounts. With savings, that means that the earlier you start saving, the more your money will grow. Thus, start investing early so you can harness the power of compound interest to reach your financial goals faster.
Starting Your Own Business
At some point, we all start wondering if putting away so many hours to accomplish someone else's dream is worth it. If you decide to go down the road to startup success, know that it will be challenging but rewarding. Be sure to set yourself up with a business plan and structure so you're ready legally and financially. But also think long and hard about the value your idea brings and if it solves a problem in the market. Investing your time and hard work will be critical in business, but don't start a company you're not passionate about - no amount of hard work can get you over that hurdle.
Live Below Your Means
According to Financial Samurai, many people increase their living standards in accordance with a rise in their paycheck. We suggest living within your means and practicing prudence, even if you see a significant increase in money. This will allow your salary to increase as you age, while you continue to save more the older you get. Maintaining financial stability will become that much easier, and you'll be able to retain a buffer for emergencies and unexpected expenses.
Know Where Your Money Goes
Many young adults spend money as it flows into their account, without much consideration for what they're spending on. You need to ensure your expenses aren't exceeding your income. And the best way to do this? Through budgeting, of course! Take a long hard look at your main costs and see if there's room to cut costs or if there’s anything else you should be saving towards.
The 'pot' method comes in super helpful here - visualize each of your expenses as saved up in little pots. There will be different pots for entertainment, housing, savings, and more. You may just find you're spending too much on your ‘coffee’ pot, meaning it's time to divert funds to a more fruitful venture!
Pay Yourself First
We're going to leave you with a bit of bonus wisdom. No matter how tight your salary or how high your credit card debt is, remember to find a little bit (it doesn't matter how much) to fund your savings account every month. This is sort of like investing in yourself and your financial safety - prioritizing your needs in case something unexpected comes up. You'll be surprised at how much you manage to put away!
With proper discipline, awareness, and a good amount of practice, you too can manage your money to prosper through life. The road to financial literacy can be daunting, but take it one step at a time. Put in the work today to reap the benefits tomorrow!
If you're looking to develop your economic literacy, we've got you covered. Higher Rock's primary objective is educating young adults in economic theory - all for free so that you can go out into the world confident about your finances.
Margie Harding is author of books for kids and teens, as well as Christian devotionals. Reach out to Margie today for more info! authormargieharding@gmail.com
Claire Wentz is a former home health nurse and recognizes that our aging population means many more people will become senior caregivers over the years. Specifically, she is interested in providing assistance and support to those caregivers who do not live near their loved ones. She hopes her writing will inform them, uplift them, and give them peace of mind when they need it.
A Last Impression
I was surprised when my friend randomly said one day, “You are always dressed nice. I am always very casual. You are small. I am large. You always have your nails and hair done. Mine nails are never done and my hair is cut short so I don’t have to do anything with it! You always wear make up. I never do.”
As I read the list I was actually mortified someone would actually compare them self to me. After all, who am I? I am just another woman who happens to share many of the same friends, and in most ways, very like minded as my friend. What difference does it make that I choose to dress nice, even if I rarely go outside my home other than grocery shopping once a week and to church services on Sunday? Does it really matter?
I remember many years ago reading a ‘self help-marriage kind’ of book, (I can’t even remember the title), which made a lasting impression. It might be the only thing I really recall from the entire book! The author was discussing how wives get up (or don’t) in the morning to see their husbands off to work. At the time my husband was not yet retired and we had several little ones at home. So mornings were somewhat challenging. But the author said, “How you present yourself to your husband first thing in the morning is the last thing he sees before going to work.” That hit home.
I made the decision to rise early enough to be completely “done” before my husband got out of bed. I wanted his impression of me during his work day to be one that would make him smile, rather than filling his memory files with what I looked like without makeup, hair all askew and a bathrobe! Did it make a difference? I don’t know. I’d like to think so. I know when I look at me in the mirror before I am “done”, it makes me cringe. Certainly he must have too!
All that said, if how I look to my husband first thing in the morning is important, how much more important is how I look when I arrive at work? People from all walks of life, will have the opportunity to make a judgment call on the way I look, just like my husband. Does that matter? I think it does.
But another side of me wonders if that is all fair? Consider the person who is ‘different’ be it by choice or disability. Does the person who has a disability have the option to change the way the he/she looks so that the population which surrounds him each day will think more positively of him? Not always. Sometimes disabilities are hidden, and many people might not even know about it.
But what of the person in the wheelchair; or one with a disfigured hand; pronounced limp or other visible impairment? Do I have the right to frown upon this person? I think not! Yet don’t we all make assumptions based on visuals?
Some will argue how you dress and look matters a lot! Employers and colleagues judge us by our appearance. We are assessed on our attire, table manners, grooming and even the way carry out our duties. Perhaps in some degrees that is important. But what is more important is how we perceive the person—- especially one who is disabled. We need to first see them as someone with abilities rather than one with disabilities!
Like my friend who noted our differences, and my husband who left each morning with a more pleasant visual of his wife than not, our appearance does matter. It matters in the workplace, in our social events and even in our home. But ultimately as long as we are at our best, when we can be, it’s the person on the inside that really matters.
Photo Credit: https://unsplash.com/s/photos/nature
Be Empowered
Struggles come in all shapes and sizes, caring nothing of gender, race, age, nationality, financial status, creed or religion. It’s just a fact of life. Everyone has some kind of issue to work with regularly. It happens in families, work environments, communities, and churches. It seems especially apparent in political arenas. Consider the state of our elected officials. It seems they disagree on almost everything and are vocal and even vicious in their attacks of opposition!
These struggles between people, often boils down to wielding power. People become so consumed with their view, they can see no other and believe their way is the only right way. Since disagreements ensue, paranoia is planted and cultivated, which then causes accusations and then more issues. These issues and accusations creates divisions, which then creates even more disagreements. It becomes a vicious circle unless it gets stopped somewhere along the way. But it’s a decision to be made. It doesn’t just happen!
In our daily lives we deal with financial and job issues, marriage, children and teenager situations, aging parents, homelessness, education inadequacies, diet, health problems of all kinds, even issues related to our pets who have become such an important part of our family. Even in these scenarios, wielding power can be a component of the problem.
But having power is completely different than being “empowered.” Our power hungry ego is what drives us to push for control and obsess with gaining more and more than those around us. It doesn’t matter that what we obtain in material wealth, has little value in the long term, and leaves us insecure and constantly searching for new and creative ways, to grow more and more wealth.
As this insecurity grows, rest and peace seem only “friends” we once knew, so we turn to other forms, like substance or alcohol abuse, gaming, pornography, or any other kind of addiction you can imagine, which is only temporary and false. It is a deception that has become part of our society, and sadly more the norm rather than abnormal.
We are driven by our thoughts, whether positive or negative. When our thoughts are slipping down the slippery slope of self absorption we lose empowerment even as we try to wield power. The opposite of being totally caught up in ourselves is to inspire others to be the best they can be. This mindset often gives us unlimited personal power since this focus catapults us forward.
We are all people with a variety of backgrounds, upbringing, ideas, goals and perspectives. There are going to be different opinions on just about everything. But we need to take a step back and see the differences without allowing a power struggle to get the upper hand. Not everyone is right all the time. There are often more than one or even two options for agreement.
This is especially important in the world of disabilities. It seems, generally speaking, that if a person is not intimately affected by a disability, there is little or no interest. I was one of those until I started writing about it. It seemed I had ‘no reason’ to be involved. Yet this is a people group who need to be empowered to just survive their daily world. They live daily with struggles many non-disabled people can’t even imagine.
In your travels this week, look for ways to support rather than control a person with a disability. Remember their disability doesn’t define who they are! See the person first, and listen to their heart without turning a deaf ear because they are somehow physically different than you! Encourage your children, by your actions to be understanding, kind and accepting of those who are different. When we do this, we are empowering! What a great example that can be!
Photo Credit: https://tunein.com/podcasts/Kids--Family-Podcasts/Empowering-Ability-Podcast-p987687/
Daunting Challenges
Have you ever done something on a dare? Do you remember when you were on the school playground, someone would say, “I dare you!” or “Double dog dare you!” And just because of the dare, you’d follow through or at least attempt the challenge because you felt like you’d lose your credibility with all your peers if you didn’t succeed?
I suppose most all of us have taken this kind of challenge at one time or another. What’s can be really scary is when these dares are taken by adults. These are often much more dangerous than those challenges we faced as kids.
Around Thanksgiving I kept seeing posts from friends who had the challenge of writing three things everyday for which they were grateful. I’m reasonably certain I could do this one, even though I’ve never actually tried! But this idea made me wonder about other challenges, even more daunting ones.
Just before New Years many of us make resolutions and sometimes these can be daunting and we end up throwing in the towel after only a few days! The hardest kind of challenges are those we make to ourselves because these are promises we think no one else knows. Unless we make them known, if (or when) we give up, we have only ourselves to convince it’s okay.
A friend of mine recently decided he would no longer, under any circumstances use bad language. This can be a challenge if bad language has been a part of someone’s vocabulary for many years. There are other vices which can overwhelm the best of us, if we aren’t committed with a definite plan to overcome, like drinking, gambling, porn or abusive behaviors. Sometimes even pampering ourselves can be a challenge!
I read the story of the teacher who asked her students to write seven natural wonders of the world. Now I assume it’s what they’ve been studying, so the class should have been at least somewhat prepared for the task set before them, but still for a young child, I think this would be challenging. I know the Great Pyramids are on that list, the Grand Canyon, the Northern Lights, and Victoria Falls, depending on which list you choose from.
Apparently, however, one little girl took a completely different perspective for the challenge before her. She chose to name five of the wonders of our five natural senses; our eyesight, touch, hearing, tasting, and smelling abilities.
I’m working on a special needs book series for children and am awed by the challenges some of our young children face on a daily basis! A child who deals with Muscular Dystrophy, Down syndrome, hearing loss, autism or a hundred other diseases, understands a challenge! Not only is dealing with the disability challenging, but also the bullying, ridicule and ostracism they receive from their peers.
Challenges are only as daunting as we allow them to be. So I challenge you to reflect on your life. Is it filled with daunting challenges? Do you view your circumstances difficult, at best, and believe you may never overcome? Or, are you like the little girl who when challenged with naming great wonders of the world, considered our natural senses as “wonders” to be acknowledged?
I’d be honored if you checked out my books at www.margieharding.com (click on the ‘books’ tab) or find my books on Amazon.
Photo Credit: https://unsplash.com/s/photos/dare
Everyday Days
My friend was reflecting recently on her week. She explained she’d felt bad most of the time with a cold, went to work without feeling like it, taken all kinds of medications to suppress the symptoms, while all the while knowing, “have a cold seven days with medication or have a cold seven days without taking any,” and even had need to attend a funeral. While she hated the gathering to give last respects to the friend who had passed on, she enjoyed mingling with other friends she hadn’t seen in a very long time.
Then at some point during the week, the fatigue and sickness seemed to drive her to lose her temper, which she rarely does. This made her feel awful on top of the already physical issues. But at the end of the week, she was able to look at her world and despite all that had happened was able to feel like she was blessed.
We are all human and have those days or weeks when everything we try seems to curdle and leave a bad taste in our mouth! All we really want is to curl up in a hole and pull the dirt over us. We want nothing more than to be left alone while we nurse our miseries until that morning we wake to bright sunshine and discover everything that had been or gone wrong suddenly feels alright again!
Sometimes, when journeying through the low points in our lives, it’s incredibly difficult to view the world as wonderful and good, especially if the “season” lasts particularly long. It’s easy to bounce back after a day or two, and perhaps even a week. Since our glimpse of sunshine had only been hidden a short while, our mind and spirits have a natural way of welcoming the warmth of the sun and closeness of those around us.
During those times, however, when we are unhappy or miserable for an extended time, we tend to become cynical, bitter, and carry a negative, suspicious attitude, that connects itself to our being and transfers into everything we say and do.
I had a good friend in this place some years back, and I’m not sure she ever really recovered. She never sought help, but seemed to hide from the world the wonderful person she really was. This, of course, affected every relationship she had, from her spouse to children, relatives and friends. It didn’t seem to matter what anyone did, her perspective could never be positive.
As I think about this, it raises the question about those people who deal with a disability every single day. Are there days when rather than having mostly ‘good’ everyday days, they have occasional ‘fairly good’ everyday days? Are their days filled with struggles I can’t even imagine? Aside from the physical struggles, what about the pain that comes from discouragement attributed to strangers and even family who don’t understand their pain? Do they deal with insults and remarks as they walk down a sidewalk or through the mall?
Look at your world. Has it grown bleak and gray with negativity filled with frustration and aggravation because things aren’t going right? Consider doing something positive for someone else. This often changes our perspective. I’m not in the least suggesting it’s going to be easy. But our world is not designed to be ugly, gray, bleak and desolate.
Find help, whether it’s through a minister, good friend or other counselor. Make the decision to insist the sun shines again on your world. Choose to brush back the dirt, climb out of the hole you crawled into to hide, and make the world know you’re not staying down! It’s a new day! Welcome back to life!
Photo Credit: https://www.pexels.com/search/sunshine/
On Easter Traditions
Those who read my blog regularly and have checked out my “about me” tab know that I am a Christian. I am not only a “Christian” but a “born again Believer.” So to write a blog about Easter and not include Christ (since this is supposed to be primarily a secular blog) is almost beyond impossible.
But that said, I’d like to look at how, what we call the “secular” world, uses traditions to celebrate what we call “Resurrection Sunday!”
The Easter Bunny has been around the Americas since the 1700’s when the German immigrants settled in Pennsylvania. While the exact origins of how this furry critter came to symbolize this religious holiday is somewhat unclear, it’s easy to see the parallel of procreativity. Face it; bunnies are prolific in this area. In ancient cultures rabbits represented fertility and new life. Once the German immigrants introduced the tradition of making nests for this little fuzzy creature that could lay colored eggs, the custom spread and included not only colored eggs, but candy and gifts, which children across the world enjoy even today. 1
The egg is another ancient symbol of new life. Some sources indicate, this is actually connected with pagan traditions and festivals from back as far as the 13th century, but has emerged to represent the rising of Christ back to life after his crucifixion, and three days in the tomb. There is the suggestion that eggs were forbidden during Lent. So people decorated them to celebrate the end of the period of repentance.
Easter candy, along with the Easter egg, are representative of new life. Chocolate eggs dating back to 19th century Europe, along with the jelly-bean, introduced in the 1930’s are Easter favorites. It’s interesting to note the jelly bean origin might actually be from something called a “Turkish Delight” which is supposedly from Biblical times! 3 Of course, there are many other popular candies available for Easter baskets and I am certain you probably have a favorite!
My favorite discovery about symbols for Easter, however comes from another perspective—the Cross. Are there other traditions, however secular, which could be viewed as representing the Christ. Consider Mark Hart’s perspective in his article “Finding Christ In A Secular Easter.” He talks about how our youth are like rabbits, procreating in relationship after broken relationship rather than remembering that our bodies are a gift from God and chastity is the best option.
Hart compares people’s hardened hearts to the boiled eggs while people try to paint themselves different than who they really are, rather than being thankful for the unique person God created. They not only paint themselves different, they try to hide their unique qualities they dislike and are certain no one will understand. Or they hide those areas of their lives they are certain others may not approve.
After all the hiding, they place their “eggs” in the best basket they can find in hopes of fame or fortune, using fake grass to hide any mistakes, all the while trying to be sugary sweet like the chocolate eggs (or bunnies) to those who can best help them reach their goals, but not realizing they are being hollow rather than standing solid on what is right. 2
The very idea that secularism has replaced the religious part of Easter may not necessarily be accurate. These “traditions” instead might be demonstrations of behavior that solidify the real need for Jesus, the Christ, our Risen Savior.
So I challenge you this week, as we celebrate this Holy holiday, that you consider what Easter really means. How are you celebrating?
Happy Easter, everyone!
1http://www.history.com/topics/holidays/easter-symbols
2http://lifeteen.com/finding-christ-in-a-secular-easter/
Photo Credit: https://www.google.com/search?q=Free+pictures+of+Easter+candy&client=safari&channel=iphone
The Dreaded TeleMarketer
“It’s a telemarketer,” I mouthed silently to my husband, my forehead furrowing, while doing my best to be polite.
“No thank you. We’re really not interested.” …..pause….listening again…. “No, honestly, we’re just not interested. Please don’t call again.”
“Just hang up the phone,” my husband commanded. “They don’t need to be calling here!”
I admit, I’m horrible when a solicitor calls. I hate the thought of just hanging up. Somehow that seems so awfully rude and I loathe the idea of being nasty! But we had such an issue with these kinds of calls, we turned the ringer off on our house phone and only accept messages!
A friend shared his thoughts on how he handles the situation: “Major success this evening! I kept a telemarketer on the line for almost ten minutes. Every time I came through the kitchen I just picked the phone back up and told him to continue to hold. He was very patient. That was ten minutes that he didn't bother any of you. Just doing my part!”
Another friend shared her solution. ‘The next time give the phone to one of your grand babies’, and another said, “I used to hand the phone to my toddlers when the telemarketers would call. I would tell the toddler that the phone was for them. It was hysterical.”
My daughter shared cable solicitors became obnoxious when she told them she was not interested in their cable offer since they don’t even own a television set! They refused to accept her reason as truth, and then when she persisted, and they finally realized she was being honest, were appalled and asked, “What on earth do you do at your house then?” She’d laugh and explain her children spend time outdoors, reading and doing things as a family!
Some years ago the daughter of a lady my husband worked with took on the job of being a telemarketer. “There are only so many times you can handle rejection,” she said. “Even though the person isn’t rejecting you, personally, it’s still a form of rejection and can be quite depressing.”
Until she shared these thoughts I had never considered how a telemarketer must feel. I look at it from my perspective and not from the perspective of someone trying to earn a living.
No one likes rejection. There are those who will tell you they don’t care what others think; but I wonder if they are being honest.
When I encounter a disabled person, I wonder how much rejection they have dealt with in their life. We take ‘inclusion’ for granted. To those of us without a disability, there is so much commonality, it doesn’t often occur to us that differences can separate us in ways we don’t understand.
I admit, when I see people who have their hair colored in an unusual neon color, I tend to cringe. Or when young people wear their pants so low they can barely walk and undergarments are glaring at me, I again, cringe. They are choosing to be different—at least from the norm.
Unlike the telemarketer, who chooses to make calling people for marketing purposes, the individual without a hand, a burn victim with scars on his face, one sitting in a wheelchair, or numerous other possibilities didn’t choose to be different from their peers. It’s just the way things are. On what basis do we have the right to be unkind and reject the person he is?
Rejection hurts. Perhaps this week, no matter who we encounter, we can choose to be accepting and kind.
Photo Credit: https://unsplash.com/s/photos/headset
Figuring Out The Test
I’m a big fan of “The Walton’s” television show. I’ve seen the episodes so many times I know which one it is just by the title. There was one when Jim-Bob was graduating from high school and he discovered he was eligible to be valedictorian. He didn’t want the honor and decided to rid himself of the responsibility. All he had to do was fail the final test.
Elizabeth, his youngest sibling took him to task and informed him, if he deliberately failed the test, then that too, is cheating. He didn’t fail, and took on the responsibility and honor of valedictorian for his class.
I had a question posed to me recently that caused me only momentary pause. Would you cheat on a test if you knew you would not get caught? My immediate reaction to that is, “No, of course not!” ….and I honestly don’t believe I would. My conscience would kill me!
As I talked with a friend of mine about this she shared her boyfriend just answers according to a pattern. Apparently, multiple choice tests, although answers should be random, have some kind of pattern, that if skilled enough to catch, can make the test easy to complete, even if you don’t know the answer! I’m not nearly clever enough to figure that out. That would take longer than taking the test!
Another friend says her son just doesn’t care and puts the same letter all the way through the test. Needless to say, this young man has problems passing the test! Is this the same idea “Jim-Bob” had when he was going to deliberately fail his test? The child who doesn’t care, or even try to do his best, is cheating himself.
We all learn, and respond differently to material being presented and the way we respond. Sometimes if uninterested, some will catch the ‘bare-minimum’ of the material to just get through. Others will pour themselves in an assignment to get the most they can from it.
When I think about learning for the test, I remember my young ones being ‘readied’ for the ‘mandated standardized test’ every child in our public schools had to take. It was more of a ‘school assessment test’ than a ‘student test.’ It’s what they were expected to have learned overall in their school, and it was important that schools received a high score.
Children with disabilities also learn, but differently. Are they ready, when their peers are, for that same kind of test? Maybe, but maybe not. I don’t think we’re supposed to learn just ‘to pass a test.’ What good is the material if we can’t apply it to real life; if we can’t make use of it somehow?
Don’t misunderstand; history, math, language and other subjects are extremely important and have daily application when we think about it. But learning should be ‘for the joy of learning.’ We need to understand (and perhaps in some way make our youngsters understand) that the information we ‘get’ is information we will likely use in at some time in our lives, even if it’s in our later years. This is important regardless of what grade we are in, or our particular abilities—- or lack thereof!
But learning material just to get by, rarely does us any good. We’ve got to care about what we are learning, or it’s going to a temporary file that will eventually be deleted in our minds. Then what good is it?
I know our students, at all levels, are often overwhelmed with information and data for a variety of different classes. And sadly, much of what our children learn is “for the test.” Learning information is of greater value than just for plugging into a test. It should be vital and worthwhile; something that we willingly retain to improve quality of life!
Photo Credit: https://pixabay.com/images/search/exam/
River of Unknowns
“I don’t get it,” my friend said. “It seems every time I get close to moving to another job, the rug gets pulled out from under me.”
“I don’t want you to move,” I said. “I like you working here.”
“I know. But I want to prove to myself that I’m more than my disability,” my friend returned.
“Well, then you just need to step out with confidence and go for it.”
“I’m not good enough…..and I’m afraid.”
Fear can stop us in our tracks, and for a lot of reasons, but one of the biggest is the fear of letting go, moving out of our comfort zone; and those with a disability face even greater ‘giants’ than those of us who are non-disabled.
It seems our past, even if it’s unpleasant, has a way of conforming us to a box we are completely used to. It’s our “normal,” our “comfort zone.” It is what we know and if we leave that box, we are changing what always has been. Change comes hard for many people and often even harder for those with disabilities.
Some people with disabilities deal with a degree of shame just because they are different. They wonder what impact their ‘difference’ will have in a new environment or if they will ever be accepted for who they are, just they way they are. So many questions wrap around change. We become suffocated with the fear of “what ifs.” It keeps us from moving forward and stifles growth.
Along with wanting to stay safely in our comfort zones, rises the “fear of failure monster.” It seems we harbor fears of falling flat on our face. We are certain, like my friend above, that if we finally get enough courage to move forward, we are going to fail. That too, raises many questions that feeds our fears. There are questions of the ramifications of failure…Where will that leave me? How will I face my peers, or how will I make ends meet financially? Will my disability haunt me and shut doors that need opening? There are so many unknowns!
This “fear of failure monster” has a “sibling!” ….The “fear of success monster!” This “monster” raises questions much like the “failure monster” because change again is a factor. You can’t move forward without some kind of change. Change brings growth and takes us out of that comfort zone where we feel safe.
Along with the success monster comes another “sibling;” the “fear of responsibility monster.” If we have success then people might find our hidden talents or capabilities, which could bring on more responsibility and the fear that people will abuse us, take us for granted, or expect more than we are able to give —-and then we would be unable to live up to people’s expectations.
It seems there is always some kind of ‘fear monster” we must overcome if we plan to grow, stretch our potential and move forward to new places and experiences. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Always do what you are afraid to do.” It’s hard— because we don’t have all the answers! There are so many unknowns!
Consider the one thing you’ve always wanted to do and try to find a way to see it through. It might be asking for a promotion, changing jobs for better pay, or visiting a foreign country, becoming a missionary, or any other passion you’ve been hiding and suppressing for a very long time. Allow yourself to grow and experience new things!
A Different Perspective
My husband laughs at me when I see certain commercials. I tend to react either with tears, if it really touches my heart strings, or with disgust at the stupidity! There are those that insult intelligent thinking people, and others where people just do strange things, like walking off a building to sell insurance or try to make you believe chewing a certain kind of gum makes a person fall in love with another!
It’s interesting (and frustrating) how commercials often attack our personal value. We are blasted with information on dieting, sexuality, incontinence, dating sites, make up, hair loss (or growth) clothes styles or even material products like a car, house, shoes, accessories, drinks or snacks, and more that imply unless we buy the product they’re promoting, we will surely be less than appealing or an utter failure in life!
They also imply we are going to be rejected by those we love and care about. To have less than perfect eyebrows, teeth, skin, hair or other physical trait that is not equal to their standards, makes us less than those who are. And have you ever noticed that most every one of those folks making the commercials are the perfect weight and size and shape?
This is an insult to those who do not fit their criteria of perfect, including those who have a disability. There is nothing wrong with the way we look, dress size or shirt we wear, color of our hair, length of our fingernails or any other human condition! We are created different by design! Sometimes it means we have to work a little harder (or maybe a lot harder) to reach our goals. But the products with which we are inundated, is not a critical factor to getting us where we want to go!
Adding to the attack on our personal value, the speed at which our culture is changing, is downright frightening. Disrespect between adults, or children and adults, is at an all time high, while general behavior is exceedingly rude and obnoxious. Television demonstrates and insists on self-reliance and independence nearly as soon as a child can talk. There was a comedy some years back where the baby in the crib was the central character as we listened to his thoughts regarding his dating father and girlfriend. Or recently, in a commercial, a child in a crib was a finance genius and shared his thoughts on how we should invest money!
Sometimes commercials use shock tactics to engage listeners. They use horrific pictures of crippled children or animals to convince us we need to give money to help them. The same strategy is used to compel people to send money for veterans and other causes. I’m not suggesting the causes aren’t compelling and genuine. It’s how the advertising is done that causes me to recoil, including skewing statistics to manipulate how we think.
Our ‘perceived’ need is just that— ‘perceived’ by someone who has something to sell. It likely won’t be as ‘perfect’ a product at they claim. It’s not going to solve all our problems or make us as beautiful as the actor/actress! We are who we are: —-people with disabilities, tall, short, various sizes, shapes, colorings and more; just the way we were meant to be!
Photo Credit: https://www.pexels.com/photo/group-of-people-standing-indoors-3184396/
Old and Alone
When I was a child I remember a husband and wife who loved my sister and I. It started very casually as riders on the bus the husband drove every Sunday taking us to church. As a friendship development, both my sister and I were invited to their home and we spent quite a few Sunday afternoons with them. Yet, this husband and wife never had any children of their own.
In my high school years one of my teachers and I became good friends. Her husband also worked at the high school and I was dumbfounded when she clearly stated the last thing she wanted was children of her own. She said, “I don’t want little finger prints on my coffee table or on my refrigerator.” I had a really difficult time processing that!
As a young person, it never occurred to me people would “choose” to not have children! My teacher friends opted to have dogs they cared for like their children. My friends from my early childhood worked and had active lives without any children of their own and even now seem very content. But it makes me wonder about the possibility of loneliness as they age. In one conversation about this topic the question was raised, “What do people do when they get old and have no children or extended family? Who will take care of them?”
In our modern world, we have become so involved in climbing the corporate ladder, family dynamics are changing, and changing dramatically! Besides that, there is a breakdown of family relationships as grown children move away from their parents, sometimes across the country which creates a feeling of “a childless” life when the parent/grandparent doesn’t see their children or grandchildren for months at a time.
When I look at families with children of disabilities, choices are a little more difficult. Many of these children don’t grow up and ‘leave the nest.’ They remain the responsibility of their caregivers, who are very often the parents.
Yet there are those who do manage to reach a degree of self-autonomy and are able to function in their own apartments and hold jobs, marry and have children of their own. While they can care for themselves, can they offer the care necessary for their aging parents?
Statistics are showing many seniors feel isolated as the wedge between family grows. They feel unimportant and pushed aside. It’s creating a loneliness epidemic with staggering numbers. According to some statistics, 18 percent of our seniors live alone, and nearly half deal with loneliness on a regular basis!
Our culture has created the concept that “Mom and Dad need to be in an assisted living facility or nursing home because I don’t have the time to care for the properly.” While the concept may be held with good intentions, it is way missing the mark. These seniors want interaction with family they know and love, not strangers who tend to their basic needs, but rarely touch the depths of their souls like personal children and grandchildren can. Our seniors are missing out on a very special time in their lives. They have so much to give.
Additionally, we as a society, especially within the family unit have so much to gain when we include them in our everyday lives. They have a lifetime of memories and love to share, but we are stealing this precious time from them causing not only loneliness, and depression, but an early death.
Please understand, I know there are times when a nursing facility is the best option, given medical conditions. I just urge you to consider if ‘another home’ is really the best option for everyone concerned. I challenge you to take a good look at your parent(s), and grandparents. Could you include them in your lives on a regular basis? Can you make them feel loved, valued and worthwhile—even if it is in the confines of a nursing home? You’ll be richer for it and they will have a grateful heart!
Ignorance Is Bliss
My husband and I rarely watch the news. We both find the information depressing, since most of it is bad, and it often evokes anger and disbelief, even as we watch a video clip, assuring us the information is indeed accurate. Now that said, my husband is diligent about checking out the news clips he sees online. In his disgust or disbelief, he will sometimes read the article that has piqued his interest. It makes me wonder if by choosing to not know the news, we find it less stressful than “being in the know” and in a sense have the attitude of “ignorance is bliss.”
We are not alone in our desire to “not know the news!” Some research suggests complex issues like the world or US financial status, environment, governmental matters and even energy usage are being blocked by consumers who choose to avoid being informed beyond the barest minimum. It seems many people would rather leave the important matters, they feel they have no control over anyway, is best left to the “powers that be” even if it makes them angry!
Is this behavior any different than the person who chooses to not watch the news, which could make him aware of danger in his community or neighborhood like a robbery or even a murder? He feels ignorance is bliss because if he knows about “said danger” he would just be worried about his family and unable to sleep. In this case, is ignorance bliss?
Another area where ‘ignorance is bliss’ reigns is in the Disability arena. I admit, I was one of that group years ago! I remember when my children were in school and while I knew a few Special Needs teachers, I was not involved in ‘their world’ and wasn’t interested. I have always said, “It takes a special person to be a Special Needs Teacher, and it’s not me!”
I had five children and none were Special Needs. It came as a total surprise to me when I discovered my ‘Paxton Series’ books would be a disability series! The first book was more environmental and written at the request of my Publisher who suggested I write a book involving animal characters. My immediate reaction was…. “uhhh no.” But I did what I was asked and in the writing of the first book, included an early arrival of a baby buffalo and an antelope with asthma!
Because of these two episodes, which required very little research, other than mentioning the problem, I became unintentionally interested in the subject of special needs! I followed up with a book called, ‘An Early Arrival’, discussing the problems that can be incurred from being born too early and then with ‘The Great Race’, which talks about the problems with having asthma!
These new books took a good deal of research to write accurately but I learned so much! But I also discovered that I wasn’t alone in my ‘ignorance is bliss’ attitude from years before! I found that unless a person (or family) is intimately involved in Special Needs, they usually have very little interest or information. Again, I had been in this group and was mortified!
Ignorance is NOT bliss. The more we know, the better we understand and realize that being a Special Needs person does NOT make you less a person than anyone else. Each person, regardless of disability has unique and wonderful qualities and abilities. They want nothing more than to be recognized for what they can do; NOT what they cannot, just like you or me.
It’s time we recognized the child with a disability not because of their ‘disability’ but of their ‘ability’! We need to embrace the wonders, perspective and amazing kindness and heart each of these, in this often forgotten people group. Let’s start today—this very moment to bring change through understanding and inclusion.
Photo credit: https://www.google.com/search?client=safari&rls=en&q=free+pictures+of+%27ignorance+is+bliss&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8
Moving To Assist A Senior Loved One: Everything You Need To Know
A little bit different kind of blog today. I hope you’ll enjoy this guest blog by Claire Wentz who is a former home health nurse and recognizes that our aging population means many more people will become senior caregivers over the years. Specifically, she is interested in providing assistance and support to those caregivers who do not live near their loved ones. She hopes her writing will inform, them, uplift them, and give them peace of mind when they need it.
As your parents or other loved ones age, you may wonder how best to help them. If you currently live too far awayto assist them on a regular basis, you may be thinking about moving closer. Before you start packing, consider the timing of your move, the ways you're willing to help, and the logistics of the move.
How To Know When To Move
If you live far away, it may be difficult to know when your aging loved ones need help. The simplest method is to ask. Be sure to check in regularly over the phone. Everyone struggles sometimes, but if your loved ones begin to have trouble with multiple major tasks — paying bills, doing housework, socializing, or transportation — it may be time to start thinking about a move.
Have a conversation with your loved ones. Explain how you want to help. Discuss as a team whether it's best for your loved ones to move into a smaller home or stay in their current home and whether it's more practical for you to move in with them or find your own place. Decide on a timeline.
How To Help Your Senior Loved Ones
Depending on your loved ones’ needs and your ability to help, assistance may include:
• Physical help, such as cleaning and transportation
• Organizational help, such as setting up bill payments and keeping a schedule
• Emotional support, such as lending a listening ear and planning social outings
You may provide assistance once a week, once a day, or 24/7.
If you plan to provide help around the house, look at your loved ones’ current home and determine whether it’s within your ability to maintain. If the home is large or in need of repairs, it may be time to downsize.
Decide ahead of time the specific ways you can help. Then you can decide if it's best for you to move to the same city, to the same neighborhood, or into the same house as your loved ones.
How To Move With Less Stress
Planning your move well in advance can make the process easier. Once you’ve discussed living situations with your senior loved ones, get preapproved for a mortgage. This allows you to start looking at neighborhoods and homes within your price range and move quickly once you find the perfect house.
Start decluttering as soon as you know you want to move. The more time you have to go through your closets, the less stressful it is. If you’re moving in with your senior loved ones, you may not need all your kitchenware or cleaning supplies in the new space. Get rid of anything unnecessary, and help your senior loved ones do the same.
Take the pressure off of yourself and your senior loved ones by hiring movers to do the heavy lifting. This way you can focus on your loved ones’ needs, and you can avoid potential injury.
Move Forward With Confidence
Whether you’re considering moving to assist your senior loved ones next year or next decade, the keys to success are thinking ahead and communicating clearly.
Aging and major life transitions can be challenging to navigate. Browse books by Margie Harding for encouragement and reflections on all seasons of life.
Unlikely Friendships
I heard the story about how a prosecutor and a gangster became friends. When they met, the prosecutor, a successful woman with an indomitable spirit and a lot of grit, was determined to put the man who had become a felon in his youth, used drugs, killed a man and had little respect for the law, behind bars. Circumstances, determined by a Judge, to have the man participate in a pre-trial program precipitated an unlikely friendship.
It didn’t begin as friendship. Both the prosecutor and gangster brought their own viewpoints to the scheduled meetings, keeping a measured physical distance between each other. One day, however, the prosecutor made the decision to shorten their physical distance and joined him on the bench he was sitting. This one act of kindness grew into a mutual respect and acceptance over a period of months.
She began seeing him as a young man who had a life of “hard knocks” that were not entirely all his own doing, even though the choices he made, he had to “own.” She gained a perspective of the law that included justice, but with kindness and not just a desire to put all rebellious young men, behind bars.
The young man still had to pay for his crimes, but his manner and attitude toward his ‘situation’ changed. The prosecutor believed the young man could make the change required to start a new life, and he accepted the challenge.
Our lives are all defined by our choices. We each have ‘hard knocks’ that can catapult us into situations that left unchecked, can make our lives much different than what we had imagined. But when someone believes in us, it helps put things in the proper perspective and can help us get back on track.
This same thing is true of our children. As parents we watch (and cringe) while attempting to raise our children right. It seems no matter how hard we try, our offspring want to take a different path than we’d like. That’s not a bad thing in itself. Our children need to be true to themselves, until it becomes a problem of legality or life and death. We don’t want them to make choices that will put them in prison, even for a day!
As adults, however, we make, even if inadvertently, judgement calls on people we don’t know well. We judge on their looks, attitude, behaviors, history (if we know it), what others think or what we think they think, geography, our own history and attitudes and more. The point is, sometimes our perceptions are skewed by what we don’t know!
Our own biases and fears can give our children the wrong impression or feelings. Have you ever been shopping or otherwise in public and witnessed a child’s preoccupation with a person in a wheelchair, Down Syndrome, or other visible disability? Our initial reaction is to scold for staring, and quickly find the quickest way around them. What we are teaching our children is to avoid that which we don’t understand or even perhaps to avoid that which we find ‘less’ than what we perceive as a ‘regular and/or perfect’ human being.
If we are deliberately careful with making pre-conceived judgements, —-and teach our children to be this way, as well, we (and our children) may discover a friend rather than an adversary. Perhaps like the prosecutor and gangster, we will be able to create ‘unlikely friendships!”
Photo Credit: https://www.pexels.com/search/wheelchair/
Life Happens
I watch the young woman seated in the middle of her kitchen floor watching her little nine month old Sarah pull everything out of the cabinet, while sharing a fresh garden tomato with her other two little ones who are only dressed in mis-matched outfits they chose this morning. Her hair is in a pony tail, and while she put on clean clothes today, they have baby food spots, syrup and egg stains from breakfast. It matters not the dishes are not washed or this morning’s laundry is still not folded, and toys are strewn from one end of the house to the other or that the checkbook is far from balanced!
Laughing, she looked up at me and said, “You know last Monday I had the house all straight and it still looked like a tornado had gone through. But I don’t care. I love spending time with my babies. Somewhere deep inside me there’s daddy’s little girl, a daughter, a momma, and a wife who has it all together. Her house is in order, check book balanced, dinner is in the slow cooker, a play date is planned for the little guys and she still enjoys life! But, alas, for the moment she’s in hiding and just refuses to come out!”
I loved her perspective! It’s about priorities! It about relationships that matter this very minute! I remember when my own children were little, I had a note stuck to my refrigerator that said, “My house isn’t dirty; we are decorated in early childhood!” I contend many moms feel this way, but a parent with a special needs child, the responsibility and perspective changes.
As a parent who had five children, none of which were special needs, I remember being worn out at the end of the day. I tried to spend one on one time with each of them on a specific night during the week; and while that was wonderful, sometimes, ‘time’ just didn’t allow it. Before I realized it, they were all grown up with lives of their own.
A special needs child doesn’t always grow up and ‘fly away’ into their own lives. It’s a matter of having a ‘small child’ for life. The dependency for a child of 6, 16 or beyond, with a disability can be as much, as for one who is a toddler. The idea of even the occasional ‘girls night out’, relaxing because she is finally got a few moments of her own, or even fully-restful sleep is a thing of the past.
This configuration of an ordinary day can cause an immense amount of stress, as many ‘hats’ are required to keep the home running smoothly, especially if there are several children, or functioning, based on the severity of the disability. Parents are their child’s advocate, therapist, medical facilitator, and more! And in the middle of all that is parenting any other children and doing their best to creating an environment which includes them, being wife, housekeeping, chef, taxi and everything else that comes with having a family!
We have a very short time on this Earth. We get so caught up in life, we miss out on so much. The idea of sitting in the floor with the babies means more than making sure the clothes are folded, the dishes all washed and beds made! Our little people grow up so fast and there is no way we can reclaim lost time, even with our ‘challenged’ ones. Once those moments are spent, they are spent forever.
I encourage you to hold your little ones close. Let them know you as a mom or dad who who wants to make memories with them. Cherish these moments. Once they grow up, they discover a life that scoops them up and carries them away to their own lives; work, career and children of their own.
Or perhaps, you have a disability child who depends on you enormously in every way imaginable. They too, are a priceless gift and you were chosen to be their parent. Enjoy them. Each child is a gift to be prized as much as the very air we breathe!
Bullying Frenzy
There is something absolutely wonderful about hearing birds of all descriptions singing their bright, cheerful songs first thing in the morning, and all through the day. As I stand on my porch and listen to the various notes, I admit, I can’t identify all the different birds by their sounds; but I can enjoy the sounds just the same.
When our children were young, I bought bird books and had our binoculars handy because we had all sorts of bird feeders to entice the feathered singing creatures to our yard. We had house finches, orioles, robins, chick-a-dees and others I can’t even name. We also planted flowers and bushes that would tempt them to our area, per the advice of the given reading material.
As time passed and we kept reading, we discovered the advice, that feeding the birds, was not always a good thing. It makes them dependent on humans for food and caused them to no longer forage for food naturally. After that, we slowly began deleting the bird feeders and only fed them when the ground was totally snow covered or iced over.
It’s interesting to note that some birds seem to be ‘bully’ birds! The bigger black birds, and others will chase off the smaller ones and dominate the feeders just because they can! I’m left with the ‘bully birds’ eating the food while the smaller birds who seem to have no problem sharing, regardless of color or size, can eat for a bit, retreat, allowing for others to have a share, then flit back in to retrieve more morsels and sometimes find another limb to perch on to eat their prize.
I couldn’t help but giggle as a friend posted a picture and comment how the black birds had come and ate all the food she and her husband put out for the birds during the snowstorm we had over the weekend! Another person commented they had the same problem. We had only suet out this time, and while the black birds came early and did ‘bully’ the little ones for a while, I guess they weren’t impressed with the suet and left it for the others!
People are like that too. When you watch small children playing, you rarely notice any distinction of color or any other differences including disabilities. Yet when a larger child joins the group, it changes things. Disabilities seem to warrant an extra dose of hostility because those who are different, are easily more vulnerable.
A child with a bad limp, Down Syndrome, or other visible disability is a prime target of those who choose to be hostile. It seems like our culture is set on having on a ‘bullying frenzy’ when someone is different from us. It’s like we put them is a special box saying ‘it’s okay to pick on me; I’m different.” That’s such a bad perspective.
We are created uniquely different. Each of us have some weakness, but not all are exposed. I contend that those who have a visible difference, we consider a weakness, are just as special as a movie star, famous musician, author or other person considered great! In fact, some of those with a disability have gifts that outshine other people of supposed influence. They can be gifted musicians, singers, writers, artists and more.
Like those of us who choose to chase away the birds that bully the small ones, we should be diligent about pushing away and restricting those who would choose to bully the disabled. I contend they are superstars and deserve to be treated in that manner!
Photo Credit: https://www.dreamstime.com/photos-images/bird-feeders.html
Childhood Epiphanies
When I was in fifth grade, there were two very popular girls in my classroom who held only disdain for me. They saw me as poor, (I was, but I’m not sure I knew it), needy, (perhaps, I couldn’t understand why they didn’t like me) and a royal bother! (Their hostility toward me just didn’t connect in my ten-year-old brain!) It wasn’t until many years later, I could make some connection with their perception of wealth and popularity.
It’s funny, after all these years I can still remember their names: Judy and Carolyn! There were times when they made the promise they’d be my friend if I ….. did something specific. Nothing horrible, thankfully; but the promise was always short lived. It’s interesting that it took me so long to understand the rejection had more to do with wealth (or the lack of it) than anything! It might have made things easier if I could have gotten that message back then! I didn’t have the “childhood epiphany”!
Another friend tells the story how as a fourth grader, she was asked by one of her peers to play with her at recess. Delighted, she agreed. In the meantime, another opportunity presented itself for entertainment at recess and she joined in. The first friend not only did not forget her invitation, and my friend’s acceptance, but boldly reminded the girl of the promise. This incident set a precedence for the rest of her life. Whether or not my friend considered the effect of this as a “childhood epiphany” I don’t know, but she found it excessively difficult to not keep her word, once she made a commitment.
I heard another story about a boy who was bullied in school, but had a connection with another student with the same problem. One day the boy was approached, with kindness, by some popular boys who usually tormented him and he was elated. When the newcomers saw the friend with whom the boy had before identified, began teasing the friend. The boy who wanted to be included with his ‘new friends’ joined in. When the boy saw the pain of betrayal and sadness on his first friend’s face, he had a ‘childhood epiphany.’
Young children are usually not innately cruel. Yes, they can be stingy, with the ‘it’s mine’ attitude until they learn they must share. But color doesn’t matter, the length of hair, weight, height, or even a disability. For them, it’s ‘just someone else to play with!’ As they grow and learn about ‘differences’ and toleration levels, the sense of unity deteriorates and they follow along with what they’ve ‘learned.’
The disabled child or another other child that is somehow inherently different, wants to be included in the lives of those they know. They don’t want to be reminded of their differences. They still learn, laugh, love, and in all the ways that are important, are the same as every other child they know.
Why does there need to be a focus on differences? A childhood ‘epiphany’ of differences as being wrong, is wrong! We are created differently by design. Different cultures, thought processes and traditions give us all reason to grow! Children are children, and people, people, regardless of race, color, religion, political beliefs, disability or any another other difference you want to name. Is it possible one day we’ll all come realize that?