Emotional Strength
We probably all have at least one…one person who seems to have a well-spring of emotional strength, that seems to stand strong under all kinds of pressure, never caving despite pressure or any kind of stressful situation they encounter. It’s both inspiring and frustrating, because we want to have that kind strength in our own lives.
I do have one such friend and it blows my mind how strong she is regardless of health issues, finances, natural disasters that cause freak accidents that would wreck my world and fill me full of worry, or just day to day stress that would all add up and cause me to cave, in a sea of despair!
Her strength and ability to smile regardless of situations has taught me much about the value of quiet determination, belief in my own self-worth, along with a strong spiritual faith. This quality of life she has chosen, gives her the will to not allow others to bring her down even when there is a chance of a disagreement. She stands solid in her belief and has the ability to even soften the most difficult personality who would attempt to burst her balloon!
Even when opposition comes from nay-sayers who will not be denied a voice, she refuses to stop doing what she believes in, if she accepts as truth, it is what she is meant to do. She has faith in herself, and is unwilling to sacrifice her happiness and those she loves, while not being nasty or intimidating to those around her!
She isn’t afraid to give one hundred percent every day, no matter what she’s attempting; while each day brings a new opportunity to grow and mature as she faces new challenges, looks at life as an “adventure,” and loves life to the fullest; enjoying every experience while she loves those around her! This attitude endears her to everyone she meets.
While she sounds like a “super person,” there is no question she isn’t. She knows her limitations but has high expectations of herself and those around her. She doesn’t take time for negativity! She doesn’t feel like she needs to “fit in” to be happy and does not dread what is ahead because she accepts each moment as it comes. If things don’t work out like she expects, she usually can shrug her shoulders and say, “It wasn’t meant to be. I’ll try something else next time. Tomorrow is another day!”
Mostly, she chooses to be happy! She realizes life is going to be a challenge and its up her, as it is to each of us, to respond or react to whatever circumstances we face. With her decision of happiness, comes a fresh daily countenance of peace and tranquility that everyone appreciates. Further, from this attitude, she is able to look on others who have less than herself and give from both her abundance, as well as, her poverty. She gives her heart.
Consider your own emotional strength. Is it firmly planted in all that is good and right, that allows you to have calm assurance no matter what comes your way? When a person is chronically ill, going through an abusive situation, or faced with disabilities or another kind of tragedy it can be hard, Real Hard! But if you don’t find yourself in this contented place, I encourage you to evaluate what you believe important in your life. Do you need to make a decision to make changes, or do things differently? Share your thoughts about how and where you find your own emotional strength.
#EmotionalStrength #PressingOn #LifeIsHard #MakingChanges #KnowingWhat’sImportant #DecideToBeHappy #Contentment
Photo Credit: https://www.freepik.com/free-photos-vectors/emotional-strength/13
Our Very Fragile Lives
“Adam passed away,” I said, with disbelief.
“What?” my husband questioned.
Repeating, I said, “Adam passed away, today!”
“I didn’t see that coming,” he said, stunned, much like I felt. We didn’t know him well, but we considered him a good friend even in the short time we were able to spend with him. He was fairly young and we didn’t know of any health issues, so his death was a surprise.
That same day, my friend called to tell me her mother had passed away, after a long illness. “I know my life will continue,” my friend said, “but there is this hole from just knowing she won’t be in my world anymore and that lone piece of knowledge leaves me very lonely.”
And to complete the weekend, a young military man we know well, lost a comrade in an undertow in a freak accident while at the ocean on a “down day.”
Last week one of my cousins shared a family, from her extended family, had lost a set of twin boys, age three, in a freak pool accident. It seems the boys somehow managed to crawl under or over (they weren’t sure which) the fencing while at a family gathering. There was still another incident where a graduated Senior lost his life in a house fire. Accidents happen in all our lives, when we least expect it.
We have military men and women fighting for our country day after day and rarely does their sacrifice make the news, unless it was something out of the normal activity. All these incidents bring pain and grief that sometimes take a lifetime to overcome; and sometimes even a lifetime isn’t long enough.
Our world is filled with sadness due to circumstances we cannot control. It just seems bizarre to me how we can cause pain for ourselves and other through the choices we make.
There seems to be, every summer, news clips about children who die in a closed car. The parents plan on being in the store for only a few moments and don’t calculate just how quickly a closed car can get hot in the sun. Surely these are accidents, but the choice to leave the child this way, can be tragic.
Why are we so careless with our lives? There are those who choose use drugs or abuse their body with alcohol or nicotine. And while it seems irrelevant, we choose to eat foods we know are not good for us, and we choose to not exercise. These are other opportunities where we choices about how we take care of our very fragile lives.
In this middle of all this grief, there is still another area of our lives, we rarely think of unless we are intimately involved. Those parents who give birth to children with disabilities. Sometimes disabilities come from accidents we were totally unprepared for. Yet isn’t this another way we are affected by our ‘very fragile lives’? It takes a lot of resolve, dedication, determination, love and commitment to render all that is required to make lives as normal and happy as possible.
I encourage you to look at your life and the lives of those around you. Death and circumstances that seem to cripple us, has a way of happening to all of us. It’s the nature of life. It doesn’t matter how prepared we think we are, even for those who have been ill for a very long time, or accidents which always catch us off guard. Events like these can completely turn our world upside down.
What would you do if in a momentary freak accident, you lost someone close to you, or suddenly had to care for (or become) disabled? Are you taking care of the relationships formed with family and friends? Our next action or breath is not promised. Tell those you care about, you love them. You may never have another chance.
Time Causes Sacrifice
There are so many things I’d love to do. I have a great desire to read and study—things like math (I’m horrible at that), science, learn to paint and write calligraphy, astronomy, another language and so much more! I’d love to learn how to play a musical instrument, to line dance (I know, that’s dating me!), entertain, write a hundred books, ice skate, hike, bake, sew, volunteer, exercise, and on and on! But the truth is I seem to only have enough time in any given day to complete those things I must do and rarely enough time to even do a single thing that I’d love to do!
Now granted a few of those things on that list are part of my daily routine, including writing —which is my passion, a bit of study and reading, as well as, baking and sewing, in fits and spurts. But why is it, we can’t seem to find time to do all those other ‘outside’ things we’d like to do? It seems like time works against us! In fact, it’s easy to personify time, allowing us to blame “it” for all our issues with not getting things done. We seem to not only blame “time,” we sometimes get “upset” with it, too, even causing us to get frustrated, rant, and attempt to manipulate it! Time “forces” us to make decisions to complete those things we must accomplish and place on the back burner those things we’d like to do!
Life seems to have other plans for my time! But if time is causing us to sacrifice those things and activities we value, isn’t time also the culprit in defining who we are or who we could become should we be able to participate in those things we’d like to do?
It’s been said “You make time for the things you’d really like to do.” I suppose that is true, to a point. It ultimately comes down to picking and choosing when you have a list, as I do, that is ridiculously long. A person must prioritize those things that can be accomplished in your life right where you are, with available finances and resources. It’s also true if we were to sit down and seriously look at the ways we “waste time” during any given day, chances are we’d be surprised at the many ways we spend precious minutes we can never reclaim.
I admit I loved being a student in college. I love to learn, but there is no way I can realistically accomplish my list unless I have some kind of long term plan that will allow me to at least to some degree tap into all those things I desire to do! I must reflect and account for how I spend my “free” minutes. Do I spend unnecessary time in front of the television, playing on face book, or otherwise waste time? Once I answer this question, I need to create a short-term goal list and follow up with a long-term list. What do I want to accomplish? What legacy do I want to leave? Am I doing all I can to make time work for me rather than allowing time to cause me to sacrifice those things and activities I value? Am I pursuing my passion, which is time spent on something I enjoy and yet doing something good for someone else?
There’s another side to ‘sacrifice and time’, however. I am often in awe of the teacher who spends hours with children who have disabilities. This amazing person, gives of their time without seeming immediate results in their students. Their ‘time’ is sacrificed to help others. Isn’t this also true for our First Responders who put their lives on the line for each of us? While it’s a profession, it’s also who they are. It is their passion to use their ‘time and talents’ for the good of others. Isn’t that the greatest reward?
Reflect for a moment on the same questions I am considering. Share your thoughts on how you manage time so you can do all (or even most!) of the activities you consider important in your life! Is your ‘time’ spent on doing those things you love but also doing something for others?
#TimeAndTalents #SacrificeForOthers #SpecialEducationTeachersRock #FirstRespondersAreHeroes #ManagingTime
Photo Credit: https://www.google.com/search?q=time+sacrifice+and+disability+quotes
Life In Water Color
Art in any form intrigues me. An “artist” I’m not, so to see someone put beautiful images on paper which capture the essence of expression, the beauty of nature or anything like that, is amazing!
There are a lot of reasons artists choose the medium they use, but recently an artist I know said, “I love using water colors! It gives me the ability to express emotion and change lines and background without looking like a photograph!” His ability with oil painting is phenomenal, and often does look like a photograph when completed. It never occurred to me an artist would want less than a “perfect” piece! But I guess it depends on the definition of perfection!
Life is a little like that! We work really hard to make the right choices, choose the right friends, attend the nicest school, have the best job or career, wear the ideal clothes and on and on! We often want to present the “very best” of who we are, or at least ‘who’ we want others to see!
When we do this, sometimes we layer and layer our efforts of “perfection,” and we become “heavy and opaque” so no real light can come through. We hide who we are and become flat without any genuine quality, rather than letting our true light or true selves shine through.
Like painting in water colors, a very important aspect of getting the “picture right,” is to have confidence in how the medium is approached. When the attitude is weak and indecisive, the result is vulnerability. Again the same can be said of life. When we move through life unsure of ourselves, or decisions, who we are, what we want to do, or where we are going, the end result is uncertainty, and can often lead us down a path we never intended. We end up being a follower instead of a leader. We choose to allow others to make our decisions for us, even if we know the choice is a bad one, rather than taking a stand.
We have the capability of living our lives with energy and boldness, vitality and purpose, strength and power in harmony with the world around us. Or we can choose to layer the depth of who we are through a façade of all these qualities and miss the joy of who we were created to be.
Sometimes it takes great courage to be confident enough to step out of our comfort zone and away from the expectations of others. We become entrapped in what we believe people want from us and who people think we are. After careful consideration, advice from knowledgeable people around us, taking the first step into some other “realm” of being, is exhilarating!
A disabled person often is viewed as a ‘less than perfect’ being just because they are in some way different. It’s sad to know peers, whether strangers or someone we know, will verbalize their negativity, or project it through body language. We as people, when we hear the ‘noise’ long enough, often believe the ‘negative comments’ in whatever form they come, to be brutal, but honest.
However, when we can shut out all the negatively we hear (or see) from others and allow who we really are shine through, --and when we approve and like it—others will see the change we’ve made as positive. It may even surprise others if they didn’t immediately think it, because they just couldn’t see us any different than they always had!
Consider your circumstances, personality, desires, and capabilities. Disabilities can be a hinderance to change. But when you choose to improve who you are (even if it’s simply taking a different, positive mindset), you can move into a different direction. Perhaps make a career change through classes, revitalize an “art interest” or otherwise grow. After careful research (if necessary), step out! Become the successful (and genuine?) person you were created to be!
Facing Challenges
Life has a way of throwing us curves we are not expecting. It may be the loss of a job, an unexpected pregnancy, loss of a home; or good things like finding the perfect career, the perfect mate or even an unexpected opportunity to move somewhere we’ve always wanted to live. Often the curve is described as good or bad depending on whether we see our life as a “cup half full” or a “cup half empty.”
Challenges face each of us, especially when times are bad. I spoke with a young woman recently who just had her fourth child who is experiencing huge medical issues. The new infant is generally quiet, calm and pleasant and this birth would have been ideal had it not been for the medical issues since he was born.
Disabilities have a way of upending the best of us, especially when it’s unexpected. Do the young mother and father consider their cup half empty or half full? I can’t be sure, but it’s heartwarming to see them struggle together to make ends meet and to keep their family safe, in a haven of love.
Another couple I know is facing cancer. It’s a frightening experience since there are still so many unknowns. Additionally there seem to be other issues which complicate the cancer matter. How do they see their world? The wife generally sees the world as “her cup being half full.” She’s been described, in fact, as having a “Pollyanna attitude.” Is this good? Some see it as unrealistic in the face of the challenges to what is ahead.
The husband usually sees his cup as “half full” but sometimes he can’t seem to see beyond that “half” measurement. There are days when he is so filled with despair, he is sure his cup is “half empty” causing him to scowl and be angry at the world.
I’ve learned over time, we cannot always change what is before us. Often in fact, it is easier to accept what has been served and move on. Getting angry rarely is the answer for anything. What’s worse, anger most often brings pain to those in nearest proximity to the angry person.
I’ve been told “venting” is a good and natural way to deal with things. It relieves pressure that otherwise would be bottled up inside leading to a giant explosion; or becomes the catalyst for high blood pressure or depression. Anger is a genuine emotion, but I believe, however, to say hurtful things, is harmful because words spoken in anger can never be erased, and verbal cruelty can leave deeper scars than a physical wound.
So how do we deal with challenges before us? Do we scream at the world and hope someone hears us? Do we lock up all the rage within us only to have an explosion at a later time? Do we talk to our dearest friend about our issues and try to work them out if possible or at least accept them? These are certainly options, and there are more.
It is different for each person; this is how we are made. My personal perspective takes me to someone dear who will allow me to unload my grief without anger and unkind words. Does this always work? No, but for me, facing challenges in this way, is the most conducive to all persons involved.
According to a quote by Friedrich Nietzsche, a German Philosopher, "What does not destroy me, makes me stronger." This thought led to a national study of the effects of difficult life experiences on mental health at the University at Buffalo-the State University of New York and the University of California, Irvine. The study found that those who experienced unpleasant or undesirable circumstances had better mental health and well being than those who had no history of hardship in their life.
If you are experiencing challenges which threaten to overwhelm you, I hope you can look at your world with your “cup half full” and find peace and rest with whatever you face, and grow stronger despite the trial before you.
#Disabilities #CupHalfFull #CupHalfEmpty #TrialsGrowMe #curveBalls #LifeThrowsCurveBalls
Photo Credit: https://www.google.com/search?q=free+pictures+of+life+throws+us+curves
https://www.wsj.com/articles/SB10001424052702303496104575560261828332840
Life Happens
I watch as I see the young woman seated in the middle of her kitchen floor watching her little nine month old Sarah pulls everything out of the cabinet while sharing a fresh garden tomato with her other two little ones who are only dressed in mis-matched outfits they chose this morning. Her hair is in a pony tail and while she put on clean clothes today, they have baby food spots, syrup and egg stains from breakfast. It matters not the dishes are not washed or this morning’s laundry is still not folded, and toys are strewn from one end of the house to the other or that the checkbook is far from balanced!
Laughing, she looked up at me and said, “You know last Monday I had the house all straight and it still looked like a tornado had gone through. But I don’t care. I love spending time with my babies. Somewhere deep inside me there’s daddy’s little girl, a daughter, a momma, and a wife who has it all together. Her house is in order, check book balanced, dinner is in the slow cooker, a play date is planned for the little guys and she still enjoys life! But, alas, for the moment she’s in hiding and just refuses to come out!”
I loved her perspective! It’s about priorities! It about relationships that matter this very minute! I remember when my own children were little, I had a note stuck to my refrigerator that said, “My house isn’t dirty; we are decorated in early childhood!”
It is so easy to get lost in our to-do list! I know! I do it! I get so focused on getting stuff done, I lose those moments to just “be!” For that reason, I have chosen to take a moment, in the morning with my cup of herbal tea (I enjoy coffee, but am trying really hard to ease up on how much I drink!), sit out on the front porch and just enjoy my beautiful surroundings. It doesn’t sound like much, but when I take the time to have “quiet time” my day seems to go so much more smoothly. It gives me time to sweep out the cobwebs, file a few things in my mental filing cabinet and if I get real creative, I can always grab a piece of paper and pencil and scribble down some thoughts.
I know one family who adopted a little girl when she was only an infant. This little one, however, is a grown woman now and severely handicapped. When we visit, Momma sits in the floor with her now much older daughter, because this is where her daughter is most comfortable. My friend said, “This is where I live. But I love her so very much. We both do.”
Loving this daughter was completely visible to this onlooker. Appreciation and perhaps even a touch of awe washed over me. We really do have a very short time on this Earth when you look at the whole scope of things. We get so caught up in life, we miss out on so much. The idea of sitting in the floor with the babies and perhaps our disabled child, means more than making sure the clothes are all folded, the dishes are all washed and beds made! Our little people grow up so fast and there is no way we can reclaim lost time. It isn’t possible! Once those moments are spent, they are spent forever.
So I challenge you to hold your little ones—-and bigger sons and daughters close. Let them know you, as a mom or dad are willing to carve moments out of your day to make memories with them. Cherish these moments. One day they will have grown up and discover a world away from you. Sometimes it is a very, very sad event as their life scoops them up and carries them away to their own lives; work, career and children of their own. Enjoy them now. It may be all you have!
Photo Credit: https://www.google.com/search?q=free+pictures+of+toys+on+floor+of+the+kitchen&client=safari&channel=iphone_bm&sxsrf=
River Of Unknowns
“I don’t get it,” my friend said. “It seems every time I get close to moving to another job, the rug seems snatched from under me.”
“I don’t want you to move,” I said. “I like you working here.”
“I know, but you know it’s what I’d really like to do,” my friend returned.
“Well, then you just need to step out with confidence and go for it.”
“I’m not good enough…..and I’m afraid.”
“Afraid is probably more accurate than not good enough. That “rug snatching” might be partly your own un-doing, even if you don’t mean it to happen,” my friend countered.
Fear can stop us in our tracks, and for a lot of reasons, but one of the biggest is the fear of letting go. Another friend I have talks about moving and has for years. Every time he and his wife get close, they change their mind and stay right where they are, even though they both agree they would much rather live somewhere else.
So what are we afraid of “letting go?” It seems our past, even if it’s unpleasant, has a way of conforming to a box we are completely used to. It’s our “normal,” our “comfort zone.” It is what we know and if we leave that box we are changing what always has been. Change comes hard for people. So many questions wrap around change. We become suffocated with the fear of “what ifs.” It keeps us from moving forward and stifles growth.
Along with wanting to stay safely in our comfort zones rises the “fear of failure monster.” It seems we harbor fears of falling flat on our face. We are certain, like my friend above, that if we finally get enough courage to move forward, we are going to fail. That too, raises many questions that feeds our fears. There are questions of the ramifications of failure. Where will that leave us? How will I face my peers, or how will I make ends meet financially? There are so many unknowns!
This “fear of failure monster” has a “sibling!” —- The “fear of success monster!” This “monster” raises questions much like the “failure monster” because change again is a factor. You can’t move forward without some kind of change. Change brings growth and takes us out of that comfort zone where we all seem to prefer to dwell.
Along with the success monster comes another “sibling.” The “fear of responsibility monster” looms, reminding us if we have success, then people are going to find our hidden talents. That brings on more responsibility and the irrational fear people will abuse us, take us for granted, or expect more than we are able to give. Then we would be unable to live up to people’s expectations.
It seems there is always some kind of ‘fear monster” we must overcome if we plan to grow, stretch our potential and move forward to new places and experiences. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Always do what you are afraid to do.” I tend to agree, even if it is hard. Even if we don’t have all the answers!
But what happens if we are suddenly thrust into the waters of a disability? Accidents happen, birth defects occur, and sometimes health events take us by surprise. The ‘fear monster’ isn’t just lurking in the background; he’s sitting on our front step!
We’ve been thrown into a situation which requires answers to our questions—-and sometimes there just aren’t any—except to give love and have an accepting heart. I’m not suggesting for one second that’s easy. It can be tough. It may take years to develop enough confidence in ourselves, others, or our world to make any forward progress. It even has the capacity to even shake our faith in God.
When it’s our child, regardless of the trial, we love our little person. We give it all we’ve got and still the ‘fear monster’ sits and stares at us, daring us to make a wrong move. But move forward we must.
So in this month of ‘love’ I encourage you to reflect on one thing you’ve always wanted to do and try to find a way to see it through. It might be asking for a promotion, or visiting a foreign country, becoming a missionary, or any other passion you’ve been hiding and suppressing for a very long time and allow yourself to grow and experience new things!
Or it might be just accepting the challenge before you, step up to the plate, fill your heart with all the love, faith and acceptance you can muster and hit the ball full force and go for the home run. Allow yourself time to heal, grow, and be happy!
#fear #fearMonster #disability #challenges #changes #lettingGo #faith #love #acceptance
Photo Credit: https://www.pexels.com/search/river/
The Defiant Child
“I don’t know what in the world I’m going to do about Larson,” my friend shared. “I’m at my wits end. He was the sweetest little boy, but anymore, he’s moody, mean, vengeful, argumentative, defiant, throws horrible temper tantrums, destructive and beyond impossible!”
“Really?” I asked. “What kind of stuff is he doing?”
“Here’s just one example,” my friend answered, exasperated. “And this is by no means the worst. The other day, he got a hold of one of Raina’s dolls, and of course it was her favorite. He also had scissors, and cut the doll’s hair off. Poor Raina. She cried and cried.
“I took the scissors, told Larson he would not have access to them for at least a week, and sent him to his room while I decided the next course of action. He just looked at me like I was crazy! I hid, or thought I did, the scissors on the top shelf of a kitchen cabinet. While I was folding laundry, two days later, he climbed on top of the counter, got the scissors and cut Raina’s hair, while she was sleeping!”
“Oh my goodness!” I exclaimed. “Have you ever taken him to the doctor about his behavior? It sounds like there is something really wrong.
“Not yet. I’m afraid to. I’m afraid they are going to tell me it’s Oppositional Defiant Disorder.”
“And why wouldn’t you want to know that?”
“I do want to know. Honest. I’ve done some research on it. But I feel like a bad parent.”
“Maybe they could offer some kind of medication to help him.”
“I hate meds. Sometimes they do more harm than good.”
“If Larson is as bad as you are describing, I think it’d be worth the risk.”
After my conversation with my friend, I reflected on my personal opinions about bad behavior! It had never occurred to me there could be a justifiable reason for a child’s meltdown or temper tantrum in a public place. My thought process involved, ‘that child needs some serious discipline,’ or ‘Why is that parent allowing the child to have so much control over them?’
With my own children, even when very small, when bad behavior was displayed, I would ask, “Do we need to make a trip to the bathroom?” They understood discipline would be forthcoming and they quickly changed their attitude or behavior.
What is ODD anyway? After some research I learned statistics suggest Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) is exhibited in about one out of every sixteen children. I was stunned! There are several factors that can affect development of the disorder, including genetics and environmental factors. It’s apparently a defense mechanism to anxiety and insecurity in their lives.
There are differences between the child with ODD and the strong-willed child, although it may be difficult to differentiate the two. Defiance is one element which can help determine the difference. The ODD child consciously rejects structure and rules, while deliberately being disrespectful. Further ODD illustrates vengefulness and seeks to retaliate whenever possible those who “annoy” him. Discipline seems to be of no value, since the child will often repeat the behavior or action, sometimes within moments of the discipline.
I admit, I have changed my attitude toward parents of a child with bad behavior, and further, even the child. It may be a case of a parent placating a child, who simply wants the child to no longer give them grief. On the other hand, a display of bad behavior may also be a case where the parent is dealing with a child who has little control over himself, and is at wits end trying to figure out what to do next!
#DefiantChild #OppositionalDefiantDisorder #BadBehavior #discipline #ODD #stubborn-ness #disrespectful
Photo Credit: https://www.dreamstime.com/photos-images/defiant-child.html
My Child Is A Gift
She looked at her newborn son. He was perfect! Ten fingers, ten toes and the doctor said he was healthy. Except, as her heart pounded, he has a cleft palate. “Why did this have to happen to my precious baby boy?” she wondered. “It’s not fair. He’s going to have difficulties he doesn’t deserve. Difficulties I don’t deserve,” she thought ruefully.
Continuing to cuddle her newborn, the “rueful” feelings began to subside, as she realized this precious child, regardless of his “less than perfect face,” was still an incredible gift. “I have my faith to draw strength from,” she thought. “This baby is a gift to Joe and me, and I’m going to give him the best I can give him.”
As parents, we all check out our newborns to make sure all is well, right down to counting the fingers and toes! It’s natural, and it matters not how many babies we birth! We gaze with wonder, with an undeniable, unfathomable love that washes over us, for this brand new bundle of joy we carried for nine months. We already had a love we didn’t realize, long before we laid eyes on our precious child.
While cleft palate isn’t nearly so tragic as a child born without a limb or otherwise disabled, it still requires acclimation, because often we are unprepared to consider anything less than perfect, for the child we carried. It causes us to sit back, and take notice of a world less than ideal.
But there are solutions. Science has moved forward in astounding ways with knowledge and surgery that can ultimately correct most cleft palate situations by the time our children are in grade school. There are distinct inconveniences and struggles for our child, as it takes time to correct any problem, and cleft palate is no different.
Our young one is at risk of self-concept problems since their peers’ question why our child may have speech or hearing problems. There is, culturally, a stigma that says those children considered attractive are also more intelligent, which is certainly not the case. This idea can generate a level of anger, even if moderate, for our child, if others determine he does or does not fit the criteria of attractive. This can be very troublesome for our young one, since he already feels undermined by his own perceived lesser attractiveness.
Eventually, however, with the correct medical attention our child will increasingly become more and more comfortable in the social arena. Usually over time, when treated kindly, children will accept themselves and learn it’s their character qualities that really matter. While it’s true, girls have cleft palate less often than boys; girls may perhaps take longer to adjust to their differences. It’s imperative as parents, we re-assure our daughters (and sons) they are beautiful!
Life isn’t always fair. It has never promised to be. But we, through our faith, dogged determination and responsible characters are able to withstand what life throws us. Our children are priceless regardless of any perceived or actual, physical or intellectual, disability. We, as a culture make a “disability” something to hide, if possible. However, differences of any kind, when treated as a “difference” isn’t nearly as crushing.
Admittedly, it’s hard to think of a significant “difference” equal to a hair, or eye color dissimilarity. Sometimes the variances of ‘abilities’, involve strength of character and resolve we didn’t realize we had. But many parents will tell you, it is their child with all his differences that made the most positive transformations in their lives.
Choose to love regardless of your station in life, differences that seem overwhelming, or circumstances over which you have no control. We’re given one life. Make the most of every moment.
#CleftPalate #Newborn #HealthyBaby #disability #cultureStigma #surgeryForCleftPalate #MedicalHelpforCleftPalate
Photo Credit: https://www.google.com/search?q=free+pictures+of+cleft+palate&client=safari&channel
Is Ignorance Bliss?
My husband and I rarely watch the news. We both find the information depressing, since most of it is bad, and it often evokes anger and disbelief, even as we watch a video clip, assuring us the information is indeed accurate. Now that said, my husband is diligent about checking out the news clips he sees online. In his disgust or disbelief, he will sometimes read the article that has piqued his interest. It makes me wonder if by choosing to not know the news, we find it less stressful than “being in the know” and in a sense have the attitude of “ignorance is bliss.”
We are not alone in our desire to “not know the news!” Recent research submits complex issues like the world, or US financial status, environment, government matters and even energy usage are being blocked by consumers who choose to avoid being informed beyond the barest minimum. It seems many people would rather leave the important matters, they feel they have no control over anyway, best left to the “powers that be.”
Is this behavior any different than the person who chooses to not watch the news, which could make him aware of danger in his community or neighborhood like a robbery or even a murder? He feels ignorance is bliss, because if he knows about “said danger” he would just be worried about his family and unable to sleep. In this case, is ignorance bliss?
What about the little person who believes in Santa, the Easter Bunny or even the Tooth Fairy? Is ignorance bliss? I remember when my oldest made the discovery that we, her parents, supported the idea of Santa. Once she no longer believed, she was both devastated and angry! In her mind we had lied to her. Add to this, as she thought it through and continued to question, added the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy to the equation. I felt so sorry for her on one hand, and guilty on the other for having fostered her imagination all those years. Would it have been better for all of us if we’d just been completely honest with our children about the traditions?
Our grown children have split decisions about this tradition. One, in fact, (the one who was angry with us when she learned the truth), chose to foster the tradition, while three of our children did not, and we still have one son not yet married! As grandparents we need to be aware of each of our grown children’s feelings and decisions on the matter. It again raises the question: Is ignorance bliss?
What about the person who has no knowledge or understanding of a person with a disability? I remember when my children were growing up and specifically in school saying (more than once) “It takes a special person to be a special education teacher….and it’s NOT me!” I had NO interest in that which was different, not because I looked down on them, but because it didn’t seem to relate to me. I’ve learned I was wrong.
I’m not alone in being non-educated in disabilities and having no interest. I’ve discovered it’s actually the ‘norm.’ When I do a ‘live event’ I’m amazed at the people who will pick up one of my books, read the blurb on the back and then walk away. They are not interested. It doesn’t apply to them! —-But it could. In less than a heartbeat any of us could fall into the category of the disabled. An accident or an illness can catapult us or any of our loved ones there!
It is said “knowledge is power.” Does the child feel power by no longer believing in the fantasy of Santa, the Easter Bunny or Tooth Fairy, or does he feel cheated? Would the knowledge of a prowler in a neighborhood provide power or ignite irrational fear? Is allowing the “powers that be” to make life changing decisions for consumers at large, so we don’t have to consider the consequences make us unaccountable for our personal behavior regarding important issues; yet give us the “power” to blame someone else when things are going badly? Does not educating ourselves about special needs alter our understanding and further, reduce compassion about/for this ‘people group’?
I’m not certain there are any concrete right or wrong answers to some of these questions. But they certainly deserve conversation. Others like those relating to disabilities perhaps do. Consider your own thoughts on “ignorance is bliss” and when or where it applies. Share you thoughts with others!
Photo Credit: https://www.dreamstime.com/photos-images/blissful.html
#ignoranceisbliss #santa #news #EasterBunny #disabilities #disability
Service Dogs
January is train your dog month, and I think dogs are amazing! We had a Golden Retriever we called Lakota, some years back for just over thirteen years. He was a gem. We now have a white German shepherd, Tatanka, who is often known as “T”, who is also special, but with a totally different disposition. ‘Koda” was always loving and just wanted to be your best buddy! He hardly ever barked, but always let you know when someone was around and in given circumstances, would be a wonderful guard dog. (The pic is him with one of our grandchildren many years ago!)
Once a neighbor’s dog was headed across our large lawn, headed straight for our daughter who was eight months pregnant. The lady next door was screaming, “He’s after her,” pointing to our daughter, while screaming at the dog to come back. Koda put himself between her and the oncoming dog. The dog, plowed right into Koda, who was very sore for days, but it stopped the dog from plowing into our Beth.
’T’ on the other hand will bristle and bark when anyone comes in the driveway. Strangers are immediately fearful and sometimes stay in their car until one of us comes out to calm him. While he isn’t the ‘warm cuddly’ type, he absolutely knows his ‘charges’ and dares anyone to cross the line. Four of our 18 grandchildren live next door and T is especially mindful of ‘little ones’ and guards them with his life!
Dogs serve many purposes. Sometimes they are all about companionship, like our Koda was. Other times they are obtained for hunting or other specialized purpose like herd dogs on a farm or even for a disability. All dogs need some amount of training for the basic lessons of house training; no shoes for snacking, etc!
Service dogs for the disabled, takes a special kind of dog, although any breed can qualify! It all depends on the dogs temperament, These dogs need to consistently remain calm, regardless of the situation; be confident in their own skills; intelligent, motivated and social, yet not so social, they are unable to react to their owner’s voice or need, if distracted.
Trained service dogs are in high demand; so much so, there is a waiting list, in years, for some of the highly qualified ones. This has initiated the need for those who need a service dog to train one themselves, although there are guidelines.
It requires a lot of patience and often some insight from a professional trainer (perhaps even from a pet store or online classes), to be able to meet the need of someone who could benefit from having a service —work dog (one who has a specific job to do—retrieve a ringing telephone, or other specific detailed job related to disabilities like autism and blindness, among others) — or a PTSD service dog, who works more as a companion so the person with PTSD has emotional support so he never feels alone, or threatened; therein improving the quality of life for the individual.
I admit, I watch those with trained dogs, often in awe, of how well trained they are. Our dogs were wonderful, but were never trained for such services. While I’d love to pet a service dog when I see it, I refrain, because in the environment I am observing, the dog is working.
Have you ever thought about the value of service dogs? Some people realize the improved quality of life it gives others and will train them for you. But there are those, who will say the dog they are providing has all the qualifications necessary, but actually create ‘service dog fraud.’ I encourage you— ‘beware' when obtaining a service dog. A better option might be to train your own dog with the help of professional trainers for the best outcome!
In any case, be observant of service dogs in public. They are trained to provide a service.
Perhaps you, if disabled, may want a dog for a specific purpose, even if it’s just for companionship. A non-disabled person also can have huge benefits from owning a dog, so long as it’s well behaved! Enjoy these amazing animals!
#ServiceDogs #Service #Dogs #DogTraining #TrainingDogs #Protection #Companionship #DisabilityDogs #Disability
Life Always Changes
We hear it a lot right now. “Life just isn’t what it used to be.” We are facing unprecedented times. A tiny germ upended our lives, and for months threw us into a lockdown leaving us frustrated, isolated and in some cases very lonely, regardless of social media availability, most of us have. Even with the opening of schools and businesses, the threat remains and in medical facilities, masks are still mandated.
Life changes all the time. We grow, change careers, have families and more! Even the weather changes every day. Some days it’s beautifully sunny with temperature in the fifties, other times it’s cold and rainy, while snow falls in some areas reminding us season changes—not just for we humans, but for anything that breathes.
Along with the changes in the weather, friends have a way of coming and going. Friends come into our lives sometimes for a day, other times for just a fleeting moment, but more often, for a season. We nurture the time spent with those we call friends, as forever bonds are shaped, so regardless of time spent apart, the relationship never varies.
Relationships come and go, as well. As we are growing, we find someone to be close to and for reasons as many as a person can count, it doesn’t work for a lifetime. Other bonds are made, altered and changed until finally we find the love of our life that endures for our remaining years. Yet even within the realm of marriage, the relationship changes as we each grow and responsibilities change, and children join the equation.
Even our various forms of work come and go. We take on a job early in our teens to pay for gas to operate our cars and pay for insurance, while we’re still trying to decide what we want as a career. We may or may not like where we are and change jobs, sometimes many times before we become comfortable day after day in our work. Our careers then take over and we are engaged in whatever form of business we’ve chosen and often hang in there until retirement. Yet even here, changes aren’t uncommon.
What’s really amazing, however, is when we find our passion. This may or not be related to our career. Many have ‘working business’ careers but are passionate about fireworks, camping, hiking or quilting or even reading. This is our ‘happy place.’ This is where we are able to relax and enjoy the doing, as well as, the final result.
The best scenario in all this is when our employment intersects with our passion. I’m fortunate in that writing enables me to meld my passion and ‘work’ into one. I have become passionate about writing words that make a difference. This is where I can do what I believe is my ‘mission in life,’ if you will. It’s more than a job. It’s …..my passion! This can never be taken away.
People can ‘lose’ their passion when they don’t feed and nurture it, just like anything else. They lose the value of themselves however, when that happens. And it reflects how they view life. We all need a purpose; and we all have one.
Life always changes, but a true passion that is ‘fed and watered”--- and ultimately believed in --- can become the stabilizing tether to life, when otherwise we lose who we are meant to be.
As we begin a new year, I wonder, what is your passion? Have you found your ‘voice’ in the ‘thing’ that makes you most happy, brings contentment, satisfaction and a sense of worth?
#Life #LifeChanges #SenseOfWorth #Voice #Passion #LifeHasValue
Photo Credit: https://www.betterup.com/blog/finding-purpose
Special Resolutions
Christmas has come. We’ve opened the gifts, picked up all the strewn paper and bows that littered the floor, put away the leftovers in a refrigerator that simply can’t handle anymore, took our naps in order to recuperate from eating too much and too little sleep. Now it’s time to think about next year, 2023. These kinds of thoughts begin the train moving down the tracks of New Year’s resolutions.
Most everyone creates them, even if they aren’t written down. Even today I was thinking I needed to really think about eating more sensibly and nutritiously, especially given all the wonderful junk food I’ve enjoyed over the last few days. I’m not usually horribly concerned about calories, but as age seems to help dictate how calories are distributed, I have to give it some serious thought!
Along with eating better, I’d like to create a sustainable plan for the “business side” of writing, as well as, the 163 other things I seem to be obligated to! The feeling of “overwhelmed” just doesn’t work for me. Time to make changes!
Changes can be hard…..and even harder for the families with special needs children. But’s it’s no less important. When making goals it’s important to write down a plan for success. When we can see our ambitions and targets in print it helps cement our focus to keep us moving toward our plan. This process is even more important for the special needs child because not only can he see the objective, but it allows the family to come behind him for support and encouragement.
Having intentions clearly defined also allows for opportunities of praise on all fronts and this is extremely important for the special needs child. It also grants openings for reassessing and re-setting goals, if that is necessary. Sometimes health issues, travel, financial or other events cause our goals to be turned upside down. We need to know it’s okay to start over. There is no shame in that; in fact it’s completely right to re-evaluate, because stopping or giving up should not be an option!
While making New Year’s resolutions is something most everyone does, including helping special needs children to create goals they can focus on. Special needs parents also, should seriously consider their needs and resolutions, specifically to them.
Special Needs parents are special people! It requires 24/7 dedication, determination and selflessness. Their tireless efforts can leave them breathless with fatigue, even as their hearts are filled with love and satisfaction with every little success.
Remember to take time for yourselves and your spouse, even as you juggle all the financial and medical issues which abound. It’s important to remember to evaluate and revise all the legal aspects of your circumstances, therapies and therapists, and be certain that all paperwork is in order and updated.
Embrace new activities, allow quiet time with books or a good movie, have a date night, remove yourself from all the drama online and do something spontaneous and rejuvenating for yourself and as a couple. Arrange time for adequate sleep, find a support group, and make no apologies for the events in your life or for your very special child.
As part of your unique family, each member brings qualities like trust, love, appreciation, and understanding even if at different levels. The differences of all involved within this framework will remain strong as you laugh, eat, drink, sing, attend events, and grow together. Still change is inevitable. Embrace it, make resolutions and then make new ones when necessary, both for you and your family.
Happy New Year’s Everyone!
If you like this post, please visit my online store for children’s books on special needs: www.paxtonseries.com. Or just click on the ‘Books’ tab at the top right.
Photo Credit: https://www.pexels.com/search/christmas/
The Gift of Christmas
Christmas Eve is this week and I hope despite that you are reading this, you are enjoying this special time with your friends or family.
A friend of mine recently shared his “short list” for those things he was thankful for. It began with Jesus who loves him in spite of him, his wife who loves him just because, his boys because they have to, his family because they do, and friends who love him for who he is not what he does.
His list makes me smile even now. It suggests love on so many different levels. Jesus, whose birth we are celebrating, has loved us since time began and became the ultimate sacrifice. Our spouses love us, even though they know us and are willing to spend every day rejoicing in the good and dealing with the bad. Our children love us as parents, even though as teenagers they seldom understand us. Our family loves us because we are indeed family, even if feathers get ruffled from time to time, and truces are usually formed during special celebrations during the year, like now, at Christmas. And our friends love us because they choose to look beyond our flaws and accept us just the way we are!
Many of us are going through trials on different levels. It may be something like cancer or other health issue, the loss of a loved one, divorce, job loss, or any number of issues. When we can rely on those who love us, however, we can weather the storm and know that eventually we will see a rainbow.
Sharing our love, despite circumstances can come in different forms. Sometimes it’s not a ‘health issue’ in the sense most think about, but rather, a disability that is indeed health related, but goes beyond that idea in a dozen different directions. As you celebrate, remember that those who have disabilities may have need to celebrate just a little different, and sometimes children need extra consideration, as well, especially since they are often unable to grasp what’s going on and why they are different.
Everyday should be Christmas in our heart. Then, even on those days when those who are near us, see us display less than stellar behavior, we love anyway. A good friend said the past few weeks have been very stressful with surgery for her daughter, an emergency room visit with her dad and work. The schedule has left her exhausted and in her words, “contrary!” Her husband looked at her one night and asked, “What have you done with my wife?” Still he loved her. In fact, loving during those times when those we love aren’t at their best is our best demonstration of love. Isn’t that what Christmas is all about; loving unconditionally? Isn’t that why we celebrate the Christ Child?
I encourage you this next week, to love unconditionally. Love with your whole heart. Love begets love, which is best seen in the Christ Child, the gift of Christmas. Merry Christmas, everyone!
Photo Credit: https://www.pexels.com/search/christmas/
Great Expectations
Christmas is the most amazing time of year. There is decorating, entertaining, shopping and wrapping, listening to the wonderful, timeless Christmas carols, the smells of pine intermingled with cookies and brownies baking, while children are bright eyed with wonder at the Christmas lights and the “feeling” that is Christmas!
Still, sometimes expectations of our Christmas don’t always turn out the way we’d like. There are families who will all sit around a beautifully decorated table for dinner with all the traditional dishes placed before them, and instead of sharing love, peace and good will, there is hostility, anger, bitterness and a feeling of bare tolerance to just make it through the day.
Discontent and disenchantments seems to happen in every family. It doesn’t matter how people try, there are those who just can’t seem to get along with others. At Christmastime however, people often put aside their “issues” to gather together with other family members, especially at the request of older parents who only have the opportunity to see the family this time of year.
So every one gives their best attempt at being social on the outside, even as they fume on the inside. This “simmering anger” attitude seems to go against everything that is good about Christmas. It mars the heart in giving and receiving. So Christmas comes and goes while the feeling of emptiness and disillusionment abound about what is real.
Sometimes Christmas gets marred by grief from the loss of a close family member. Their passing seems to override what normally would be a happy, festive occasion, because we miss them in our midst. It seems hard to overcome.
Other times we are unprepared for reactions from children who have disabilities/special needs. Sensory responses, too much excitement, changes to accommodate guests, visits to Santa, all the blinking lights and shiny objects, shopping, even sweets which provide so much sugar can cause children to react negatively to our voices, music and gatherings in general.
What makes Christmas? Is it the gift giving, the parties and socializing, winter weather, new ornaments or the tree? Is it in the Christmas cards and paper or pretty bows?
I saw a movie recently about a girl who was not going to make it home for Christmas and a stranger who was going to give her a ride to her home town, ended up making this awful situation something special. They made snow angels in the snow, went for a toboggan ride, had a snowball fight and learned a little about each other, while they fought awful weather the whole way back. Time separated them and the guy the girl met, lost his zest for Christmas. It turned out his mother died at Christmas and part of him died too, much like the loss and grief I mentioned earlier.
When they meet many years later, the girl becomes his “Secret Santa” and helped him remember why Christmas was such a large part of our lives; of his life!
I challenge you to make a list of all the things you remember as being special about Christmas when you were a child. Was it decorating the tree, or even finding the perfect tree? Was it baking, gathering with family, making ornaments or other decorations for the tree? Might part of it have been the Christmas Eve service or the Christmas music? Maybe it was even driving around looking at all the beautiful Christmas lights and decorations in your, or neighboring, neighborhoods?
Whatever your good memory, try to revive it, share it with your loved ones, or start a new tradition as your own little ones grow up; or as grandparents, share this time with your grandchildren.
I challenge you to share some of your special traditions with others on my web page in the comments sections. It’s so much fun to try new things. I encourage you also, to remember that regardless of your traditions, and all the fun things you do with friends and family, Christmas is really about celebrating the birth of Christ. I hope you have a very Merry Christmas!
A Special Christmas for Special Children
I was watching a Christmas movie recently where a scene in a restaurant had two gentlemen trying to order food. The waiter was having a terrible time trying to understand what they wanted. A couple at another table noticed what was going on and the woman at the table immediately said, “He wants to order steak. And he (pointing to the other man) wants to order a burger.” There was a bit more conversation between the two deaf men and the woman and an extreme amount of gratitude for her kindness.
As the male friend at the table noted her ability to sign, he was taken aback, because he didn’t know she could communicate with a deaf person. Her response, “My dad was deaf. I learned to sign at an early age. He taught me how important it was to be kind and help someone in need whenever you can.”
What I found remarkable after seeing this movie is reading an article about a Santa Claus who held a small girl in his lap who was having a terrible time telling him what she wanted for Christmas. The momma, standing near, apologized for the girl’s difficulties. Santa wasn’t bothered at all, but asked if she knew sign language and her mother said, yes! Santa immediately began to sign to the little girl who was completely delighted and expressed great joy!
This family isn’t the only one who has challenges during the holiday season due to children with special needs. Traditions remain important, even when they must be planned for and customized for each family or circumstance. When there is a child who is sensory sensitive changes like keeping music low during activities is important as is being sure to shop early in the day to avoid large and intimidating crowds.
Even with all the pre-planning and expectations, things still can go completely wrong. Another family had prepared for a visit with Santa, much like the above situation. The girl was delighted when she saw Santa heading for his chair and waved with excitement. Momma snapped a spontaneous photo with her phone.
However, the little girl in this circumstance became completely unsettled with sitting on Santa’s lap. She refused to pose, smile or in any way become cooperative. The mom was disappointed in her daughter’s response, but recognized, it didn’t matter---not a bit! A visit was made, a picture taken---even if it wasn’t on Santa’s lap. The moment would forever be cherished!
What I find interesting is I remember when my own children were small, with no diagnosed special needs, they too found the jolly man in the red suit frightening! I have pictures with tears! We all have things that intimidate us, whether we are six months, or sixty years!
We all have needs. “Special” should not define us…..and it certainly should not define our children regardless of any pre-conceived notions anyone else has! As you shop this holiday season, visit with friends and family, and attend holiday festivities, remember each person deserves our kindness and understanding. It matters not our differences, race, creed, political preferences or faith beliefs. It’s Christmas! Share the love!
If you like this post on “Special Needs” visit my online store www.paxtonseries.com or just click on the ‘BOOKS’ tab above, to buy children’s books I have authored on special needs. Merry Christmas, everyone!
Misunderstood
My friend tells the story of how as a child, her grandmother seemed to pick on her all the time. Her memory of chastisement nearly obliterated any good memories she might have had as an adult. Once grown she wondered, since most memories were less than pleasant, if maybe her imagination hadn’t foiled all the good things about her grandmother. Then one day while sitting in a restaurant a lady walked up to her table and to her surprise, it was her cousin whom she hadn’t seen since they were children.
Joining them at their table, the cousins exchanged memories and caught up on what they’d each missed since they hadn’t seen each other in so long. At some point my friend’s cousin looked at her husband and said, “Grandmother chose one child in each family to pick on. In Jeanette’s family, it was Jeanette.”
Drawing a quick breath, Jeanette said, “Oh my goodness! I thought it was just my imagination!”
“No,” her cousin said. “It was just grandmother’s way.”
What made this story even more dramatic was several years later Jeanette saw her grandmother again, after being away. In a quiet moment of alone time, her grandmother said, “Jeanette, I can’t tell you how dear you are to me. I am so proud of you and I love you very much.” Jeanette was speechless! Never before, had her grandmother spoken to her this way. The wall that had surrounded her heart crumbled with gladness.
Situations like this aren’t just for grandchildren and grandparents. I think it happens across the board. We live in a culture where misunderstandings are left alone far too long. As a young child, Jeanette completely misunderstood her grandmother. I contend the chastisement wasn’t a deliberate attempt of “picking,” but rather a desire to see the little granddaughter become the person the grandmother thought she could be.
Friends have the same peculiar problem. There is cause for misunderstanding and it’s never resolved, so the friendship is shattered and the bad memory eclipses all that was good. I remember a movie I saw not long ago about two little girls who were best friends as children but as they grew older, competition and self-centeredness altered their relationship until well into their adult lives. Of course in a movie, there is the “story-book ending” and they both apologized and became good friends again. It isn’t often like that in the real world. Feelings are hurt, grudges are held and friends become enemies.
Marriages are no different. Husbands and wives have a disagreement which is left unsettled, allowed to grow, fester and then mutates into something so large, settling the matter civilly is out of the question. The marriage is destroyed, contact severed and all parties involved, including the children, suffer.
In a world where differences in politics, interests, opinions and more seem to separate us, there is another area which often goes it unnoticed. Special needs children are often misunderstood because they are just ‘different.’ People will say unkind remarks as they pass, treat them as less than an ‘optimal’ human being all because a disability has made them different from is considered normal.
Why do we let pride ruin all that we call good? Why is it so hard to say, “I’m sorry?” We all make mistakes; we’re human, and no one is perfect. We aren’t mind readers and can’t make a perfect analysis of every situation. Yet many will even cringe at the thought of apologizing—even if bad behavior is blatant.
Evidence suggests fear of rejection is one reason apologies come so hard, or that it is a display of weakness. It makes people feel humiliated, vulnerable, or that they will somehow lose their authority, power or status. A person may even feel like apologizing somehow makes him the loser, and the other party the winner. And to apologize, means admission of fault or wrong. Without the apology, there is no reason to take responsibility.
I’m glad my friend’s grandmother shared her heart and made things right with her granddaughter before she passed on. The reconciliation will be forever cherished. Isn’t that what we really want; to be accepted and loved? I challenge you to consider if acceptance, reconciliation and forgiveness can be exchanged for misunderstanding in your life, as it was in my friend’s.
Love Your Differences
Birthmarks. It seems almost everyone has one, even if it is small and barely defined. There are those like my daughter who have a birthmark, scarcely visible between two of her toes; a cousin who has one on his leg; a sibling with one on her arm, and an aunt with one on her stomach. It’s no big deal, really. They are small and hardly noticeable.
Of course, there are those whose birthmarks are a little more conspicuous. A sizeable red shaped mark on the back of the hand; a saucer sized, purple mark on the thigh; or dark brown, tennis sized asteroid shape on the back. Again, while they are more obvious, usually there isn’t a lot of negativity involved with peers or bullying associated with these specific markings.
It’s interesting when watching a police television show when the investigating officers will ask the victim if there we any identifiable mark they could remember. It helps in the investigation when there is something unique which enables the officers to be certain they have the right assailant.
However, when the birthmark is large, dark or unusually colored and in obvious places the owner will sometimes incur staring, unkind remarks or questions about how or why they look as they do. Some will even ask if it’s a tattoo, which in a bizarre sort of way, could be taking the edge off “natural birthmarks.”
Of course, choosing to apply “art” to one’s physical skin is different than being born with it. Often body art is associated with something specific; a story behind it, if you will. It can be a great conversation starter and if a person has intense body art exposed, you can be fairly certain, they aren’t going to mind sharing why.
As a small child, being the wearer of an obvious, unusual birthmark, whether it be dots which cover the upper torso, a large dark patch on the face, a mark that looks like an ocean, tree, airplane or other objects, can test courage and self-esteem.
We are all born with different facial features, some people are tall, others short, thin, heavy, dark or light and a plethora of many levels in between. It is what makes us unique. Being who we are is something to be proud of rather than having fears, doubts and thoughts that we are less than equal to any of our peers. Even as I pen the words, however, I understand there are those who choose to bully those who are different.
Differences, are important! It’s what makes a person special. It can be used as a mark of beauty to make us memorable. It may not always fit the “format” of what we believe to be beautiful; but I contend it should! And I write this with a bit of empathy, because I am someone who has never thought herself beautiful—or even necessarily attractive, and believed for a very long time that I was just “short”—not even petite, which sounds so much nicer! As a youngster, I always thought it would be great to be an airline stewardess (they don’t call them that anymore) but I didn’t fit the criteria because I wasn’t tall enough to reach the overhead bins!
Yes, I am shorter than many of my peers, but I wear a smile with confidence because I finally understood, I am just the way God created me. This is good! I am content with my size and accept it as my “normal!” I hope you can too, regardless of any difference you may have—-or believe you may have!
Photo Credit: https://create.vista.com/photos/birthmark/
Empathetic Compassion
Our current world is filled with uncertainties. Some have lost jobs, educational methods are totally altered, doctor’s visits are done electronically, and shopping has become more internet involved than ever before.
With this state of being and living--- how do we maintain relationships? How can we learn from each other if we can’t even be together? How do we teach our children the way to interact with other children and even adults, when there is no interaction?
I remember many years ago when we were doing some traveling in our RV, we stopped at a resort which was largely older seniors. Our young son (then age 14) was with us at the time and he became the ‘love’ of the community. He swam laps with an older lady simply as a companion; he played a game of cards in a hall of ladies who gave him pennies to play, after they taught him the rules; he chatted with the maintenance people; and interacted with each person according to their needs and abilities. It was amazing to watch the relationships build, especially since we were only there for less than a week!
I read recently about a lecturer who ran a contest, to which he was the judge. His goal was to find the most caring child! While that seems odd to me, it’s also interesting. I have the belief that children are naturally compassionate and often their leanings toward ‘nastiness’ is something learned, although I know that’s not always the case and just part of their personality —-and that the idea of ‘me and mine’ is something every child and parent must work through.
The winner of this particular contest, (and I have no idea how it was run or any of the particulars,) was a four-year-old who comforted an elderly neighbor. When asked by his mom what he said to him, the child responded, “Nothing, I just helped him cry.” (I tried to find the source of this story and the only thing I could find is in part of a book “Life Lessons, the Journey” by Wade Yarchan).
The empathy of the small boy touched my heart. At a time when physical human contact is discouraged, it demonstrates that there is nothing greater to impact another person, than other physical human contact. It’s how we were created. Don’t misunderstand, I get the idea of staying safe and away from those who might make us sick, because they are sick. But to totally isolate us from each other as healthy individuals, to me, is cause for concern—at least for those of us who are all about the hugs and nearness of other folks!
So I’m curious, has there been a time when you or your child entertained (or was entertained) by an adult who was the most unlikely companion? My son’s interaction with those folks at the resort, from my perspective, was totally unlikely! They were retirees who seemed to me, wanted to be with other retirees, not a young teenaged boy; yet he was able to relate to them and they in turn, invited him into their circle! This is life as it should be.
I hope you’ll share if you've had any similar experience!
Photo Credit: https://www.pexels.com/photo/basket-blur-boy-child-208087/
Accidental Overdose
I heard what I thought was the strangest comment recently: “I am feeling very tense today and agitated. This morning I took an accidental overdose of meds and now I am woozy and dizzy. I just don’t feel right. My doctor said my blood work is all off kilter. Well, no kidding!”
As I pondered the statement and felt my eyebrows furrowing, I found myself wondering how on earth that happened. Of course, it really isn’t that difficult. You just have to be distracted and take too many of one, or mix up the combination if taking more than one kind of medication. Or even being in so much pain, you make the decision that one pill made you feel some better, then certainly one or two more would really take the pain or discomfort away.
The ramifications of this happening can be huge; hospitalization due to increased respiratory rate, a significant rise in blood pressure, or chest pain. It can be a lesser reaction like rash, sleepiness or confusion, but just as important. Sometimes mixing medication can cause a reaction which damages specific organs causing all kinds of problems. An overdose of any kind of medication, depending on the person’s health and metabolism can cause death.
According to an article I read, fatal drug overdoses have increased eleven years in a row (and this may be a low number)! That amazes me. And apparently the trend of overdoses is coming from prescription painkillers. That not only amazes me, it frightens me. Three fourths of the deaths are coming from drugs like Oxycontin and Percocet and the numbers of these types of deaths are outnumbering the deaths from heroin and cocaine combined. That is chilling. And sadly, it doesn’t need to be just prescription drugs which can cause an overdose. Even over the counter drugs can be deadly.
The anecdote I began with was certainly an accidental overdose. And there are those situations where little ones, toddlers or children who are curious about everything, find a bottle of medicine and without a thought take some. Statistics show often when one child takes pills in this situation, if another child is present; the problem is compounded because the first child will “share” with the second. But what about those who intentionally take prescription drugs with the hope they never waken, because they have no hope and only want to rid themselves of the despair that blackens their world?
When I think of the young people who are so frazzled, depressed, and overwhelmed by their world they reach for something so dramatic to take away the pain, my heart breaks. We live in a world where people often forget about other people. We are so caught up in our own little dramas every day we often miss the signals from others who are drowning in situations far worse than our own.
When you address the Special Needs population the statistics for overdoses and suicide are staggering. Some reports indicate that young people with disabilities are committing suicide are 11% compared to the 2% for non-disabled. Our world is not kind to a person challenged by a disability!
Many will wear a smile and be cordial and pleasant in public, but when left alone, sink far down in the miry muck they call their life. This type of despair is especially difficult to recognize. Others will become belligerent and angry at everyone and act out, giving very clear signals there is a problem. When the problem is finally noticed what is done about it? Do we scold and tell them how awful they are rather than addressing the real issue? Do we love them unconditionally, letting them know it matters not what their world or problem is, we still love them enough to help them see the light?
Our world is rapidly changing, and sadly not for the better. There are so many adversaries which attack us every day and when we consider our youth who are vulnerable by the mere aspect of their age and inexperience, we need to love them more than ever. We need to let our young people know emphatically, there is nothing which separates them from our love.