The Defiant Child
“I don’t know what in the world I’m going to do about Larson,” my friend shared. “I’m at my wits end. He was the sweetest little boy, but anymore, he’s moody, mean, vengeful, argumentative, defiant, throws horrible temper tantrums, destructive and beyond impossible!”
“Really?” I asked. “What kind of stuff is he doing?”
“Here’s just one example,” my friend answered, exasperated. “And this is by no means the worst. The other day, he got a hold of one of Raina’s dolls, and of course it was her favorite. He also had scissors, and cut the doll’s hair off. Poor Raina. She cried and cried.
“I took the scissors, told Larson he would not have access to them for at least a week, and sent him to his room while I decided the next course of action. He just looked at me like I was crazy! I hid, or thought I did, the scissors on the top shelf of a kitchen cabinet. While I was folding laundry, two days later, he climbed on top of the counter, got the scissors and cut Raina’s hair, while she was sleeping!”
“Oh my goodness!” I exclaimed. “Have you ever taken him to the doctor about his behavior? It sounds like there is something really wrong.
“Not yet. I’m afraid to. I’m afraid they are going to tell me it’s Oppositional Defiant Disorder.”
“And why wouldn’t you want to know that?”
“I do want to know. Honest. I’ve done some research on it. But I feel like a bad parent.”
“Maybe they could offer some kind of medication to help him.”
“I hate meds. Sometimes they do more harm than good.”
“If Larson is as bad as you are describing, I think it’d be worth the risk.”
After my conversation with my friend, I reflected on my personal opinions about bad behavior! It had never occurred to me there could be a justifiable reason for a child’s meltdown or temper tantrum in a public place. My thought process involved, ‘that child needs some serious discipline,’ or ‘Why is that parent allowing the child to have so much control over them?’
With my own children, even when very small, when bad behavior was displayed, I would ask, “Do we need to make a trip to the bathroom?” They understood discipline would be forthcoming and they quickly changed their attitude or behavior.
What is ODD anyway? After some research I learned statistics suggest Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) is exhibited in about one out of every sixteen children. I was stunned! There are several factors that can affect development of the disorder, including genetics and environmental factors. It’s apparently a defense mechanism to anxiety and insecurity in their lives.
There are differences between the child with ODD and the strong-willed child, although it may be difficult to differentiate the two. Defiance is one element which can help determine the difference. The ODD child consciously rejects structure and rules, while deliberately being disrespectful. Further ODD illustrates vengefulness and seeks to retaliate whenever possible those who “annoy” him. Discipline seems to be of no value, since the child will often repeat the behavior or action, sometimes within moments of the discipline.
I admit, I have changed my attitude toward parents of a child with bad behavior, and further, even the child. It may be a case of a parent placating a child, who simply wants the child to no longer give them grief. On the other hand, a display of bad behavior may also be a case where the parent is dealing with a child who has little control over himself, and is at wits end trying to figure out what to do next!
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