It's Been A Bad Day

With all the isolation, stay at home mandates, lack of physical contact (I happen to love hugs!) and social distancing, there are days when many of us just want to scream from the sheer crazy way it’s made our days.  --- Even though they’ve been way more predictable since, we seem to be doing the same things over and over again, rather than running around, going places, eating out, sporting events, concerts and just spending time with friends and family who don’t necessarily live in the confines of our homes.

I remember some years back, one of my daughters was having what she dubbed, “a bad day.”  One morning she was running late, finally headed to work and on the way reached up to fix her rear view mirror.  While adjusting it, the thing came off in her hand.  Before she got out of town, a mere two miles, her car was running warm.  

Before she reached her destination, she got caught in construction and the temperature light came on in her car, so she had to turn the heat on with the fan, so it would cool.  This was significant since it was warm and humid outside!  After she got to work one of her co-workers looked at her and told her, her hair looked especially nice.  She replied, “It’s my late, heater on, window open, wind-blown look!”  

I loved her response!  Regardless of what we are dealing with, how we respond to a situation often dictates how we view our world in general!  Now I admit, I am ready to be done this whole “isolation” thing.  I’m ready for life to get back to normal—even knowing our ‘new normal’ won’t be what we were living two months ago.  It’ll be regained in stages, and that’s assuming we really will get back to where we were.  There is plenty of speculation about that!

But when we view our lives with a narrow, dim, dark view, it colors everything we do with clouds, grayness and even darkness.  When we can see the ‘silver lining’ it tends to allow light in, even if it isn’t shining brightly!

I’ve been told I have a ‘Polly Anna attitude.’  When that statement was made in a college classroom discussion, I was stricken, even though I owned it—to a degree.  I admitted that perhaps I did look at the world as an optimist.  I’d rather have joy and happiness in my life, instead of demons and ugliness trouncing on me!  

As a woman, I tend to be emotional, so I can, when upset, just want to cry.  If I can turn the tables on my negative emotions, I’m there!  If that means looking for the good in all things and/or all people, so be it!  I admit, there are days when circumstance and even people make that perspective challenging, but it’s always worth the effort!  Is it always accurate?  Probably not, but it takes the edge off, a would be, dark and dreadful feeling of bleakness and desolation.

Am I being over dramatic?  Some might shout out, YES! And again, that may be true, but for me, it’s such a much better option!  How about you?  How do you tend to view the world?  Is it a sad, deplorable, ‘got ‘cha,’ kind of place?  Or do you, like me, look for the silver lining, even when it’s a very dim light?

Life Always Changes

We hear it a lot right now.  Life just isn’t what it used to be.  We are facing unprecedented times.  We have a tiny germ that has upended our lives, throwing us into a lockdown that leaves us frustrated, isolated and in some cases very lonely, even with the availability of social media most of us have.

Life changes all the time. The weather changes every day.  Some days it’s beautifully sunny with temperature in the seventies, other times it’s cool and rainy, even snow falls in some areas despite the date on the calendar, which apparently hasn’t gotten the memo that it’s Spring!

Along with the changes in the weather, friends have a way of coming and going.  Not including the whole lockdown component, friends come into our lives sometimes for a day, other times for just a fleeting moment, but more often for a season.  We nurture the time spent with those we call friends, as forever bonds are shaped, so that regardless of time spent apart, the relationship never varies.

Relationships come and go, as well.  As we are growing, we find someone to be close to and for reasons as many as a person can count, it doesn’t work for a lifetime.  Other bonds are made, altered and changed until finally we find the love of our life that endures for our remaining years.  Yet even within the realm of marriage, the relationship changes as we each grow and responsibilities change, and children join the equation.

Even our various forms of work come and go. We take on a job early in our teens to pay for gas to operate our cars and pay for insurance, while we’re still trying to decide what we want as a career.  We may or may not like where we are, and change jobs, sometimes many times before we become comfortable day after day in our work.   Our careers then take over and we are engaged in whatever form of business we’ve chosen and often hang in there until retirement.  Yet even here, changes aren’t uncommon.

What’s really amazing, however, is when we find our passion.  This may or not be related to our career.  Many have ‘working business’ careers but are passionate about fireworks, camping, hiking or quilting or even reading.  This is our ‘happy place.’  This is where we are able to relax and enjoy the doing as well as, the final result.

The best scenario in all this is when our employment intersects with our passion.  I’m fortunate in that writing enables me to meld my passion into one.  I have become passionate about writing words that make a difference.  This is where I can do what I believe is my ‘mission in life,’ if you will.  It’s more than a job.  It’s …..my passion!  This can never be taken away.

People can ‘lose’ their passion when they don’t feed and nurture it, just like anything else.  They lose the value of themselves, however, when that happens.  And it reflects how they view life.  We all need a purpose; and we all have one.  

Life always changes, but a true passion that is ‘fed and watered”--- believed in --- can become the stabilizing tether to life when otherwise we lose who we are meant to be.

Language Is Power

I’ve heard the expression “knowledge is power.”  Honestly, I agree.  When you know the facts about something, whether it’s from experience or diligent study, you are able to have intelligent conversation or work in a given field of expertise.  People graduate from college and do this all the time.

It’s more than just having knowledge, however.  Language is also power.  A person may not have been educated at a top college, in a given subject area, but certainly have experiences that lends itself to having intelligent conversation on many subjects, even if they aren’t an expert!  

Take for instance, the platform of a political figure.  While a person may not know all the details about what a person stands for, he may still know enough to have conversation.  Therein, even if his perception is skewed, he can still intelligently converse with another and perhaps through conversation, be convinced his perspective isn’t accurate and there is nothing wrong with that!  Or conversely, his opinion may change the perspective of another! 

We all have something to share, and truths are discovered through the unique quality of humans, called language.  Words have a lasting impact.  That’s been proven over and over again.  Even in the realm of abuse, there are those who would say emotional abuse—words spoken to bring pain through humiliation, degradation, shame, etc., have the power to destroy a life forever!  Words are as powerful as drugs on a person’s spirit! 

In conversation, it’s what each person brings to the table that forms thoughts, opinions and understanding.  It by no means suggests you can positively convince someone of something they choose not to believe, but persuasion is a form of power given us when we use it correctly.  Discussion is where awareness grows, and an opportunity to view something differently is encouraged.

Our society has become one where discussion, especially with opposing views is shied away from, in fear of offending our listener.  But you never know when your words are going to make a difference.  I understand this from firsthand experience.  I’m a writer and words are important to me.  I pen them using my faith, experience, background, education, etc.  But when I write something, I’m never sure who will read it, and how they will interpret it.   

Most of the time my words are not taken with offense.  Occasionally, however, I will rustle the feathers of others.  That has happened several times.  No offense was intended, but the reader absolutely didn’t agree with my perspective and was terribly unkind when telling me so.

Recently I posted a another blog.   A friend used my words to begin a post of her own.  I was humbled that someone would do this.  It’s encouraging and is indicative of just how important that what you say should be truth!  

To repeat gossip is also powerful and I never want to do that.  Notice I said ‘want.’  I try to be very deliberate about that, but in the privacy of my home, I wonder if sometimes I repeat something I shouldn’t.  Words are powerful; and our language enables that power.  It’s something that must be respected whether you are a family member, neighbor, journalist, politician or preacher.  We are accountable for what comes out of our mouths!  What we say does make a difference!

Finance, Life and Ketchup

I read an article on finance lessons from eating ketchup.  While I’m not going to use the finance side of it, I’d like to parallel those comments to lessons on life.  The first lesson focused on having a 'sweet spot.’ 

Ketchup is sweet.  I read another article that says about half of the bottle of ketchup is sugar!  That made me rethink how much ketchup I use!   The article suggested sticking to our ‘financial sweet spot’ if that works for us, as long as, we are meeting our financial goals.   

When we use this same advice for our lives, we often live our lives in our comfort zone--our 'sweet spot.'  We get in a rut and sometimes become afraid of coming out of our cozy place.  We don’t learn anything new, or challenge ourselves to be better because it’s easier to stay where we are.  We don’t want to ‘put ourselves out there’ because we are afraid of failure, or sometimes even of success!

The second thing the author of the ketchup article suggested financially, was to keep your finances simple.  I think this is amazing advice and not only from a financial perspective.  Keeping our lives simple is also a good idea.  We get so caught up in all our ‘to-do’s’ we can barely breathe!  We are so busy doing things, we are unable to even enjoy today.   

And certainly, the idea of minimizing our ‘stuff’ has been heralded as a must do!  We’ve become a people of accumulating as many material possessions as possible.  In fact, people work two jobs just to be able to afford the lifestyle they believe they must have, which in part includes living in the nicest and most expensive house on the block, driving the newest car currently available, wearing only brand name clothes and even visiting restaurants regularly even though it’s been shown time and again, eating in (at home) is not only cheaper, but healthier.  (That’s not to suggest a night out occasionally isn’t a wonderful thing- because it absolutely is!)

The last thing the article suggested was not taking everyone’s advice when it comes to your finances!  Let’s face it, everyone has an opinion about nearly everything—and sometimes even things they know nothing about! This is also true of our lives.

Our world is filled with those who feel educated enough about their given field, that they feel compelled to give you information and advice, as the best to follow.  And what they share may be true---or not.  Each of us live lives unique from everyone else from the sheer perspective of personalities, finances, upbringing, views on life and raising children, and yes, even religion and politics.

Our differences are what makes our world interesting and worth working through --and in!  The ideas we share with each other is what we build on.  Not everyone, all the time can possibly have all the answers.  We aren’t supposed to.  We are a people who need to work together to be strong, and continue to grow.  Ideas breed ideas.  And that’s a good thing!

Do you have a 'sweet spot' you might like to challenge?  Do you keep your life simple?   Do you take everyone's advice as truth without doing your own 'homework?'  Each of these offers it's own challenges and I encourage you to reflect on your own opinions about each of these elements!  Share if you'd care to, about your conclusions!

https://drbreatheeasyfinance.com/financial-lessons-from-eating-ketchup/

This Is Now

The phrase, “today is here and now” which I heard recently, kind of struck me! While that sounds a little simplistic and obvious, I can't help but think of the recent events that have changed our lives forever. There have been fires ravaging across the globe, deadly monsoons wreaked havoc in India, and other areas of the world just last year and now locust swarms three times the size of New York City are devouring East Africa, among other “natural disasters!”  

I remember last year, as I watched the hurricanes here in the United States, days before they hit land, feeling uneasy.  But our “new normal”  is an ‘uneasy’ I never expected!  It has us in a place we’ve never been before. Whenever there were fires, storms, blizzards or other natural disasters, we knew they were destructive and stole lives. But we are facing a tiny germ we can’t even see, -- know that it’s out there, and can’t run.  In fact, we are told the best option is to ‘shelter-in-place.’ 

As I reflect on my anxiety, no matter what the disaster, I am reminded that regardless of my emotions, there is not a single thing I can do about it! (Short of doing my part by observing social distancing!)  I need to leave the results in a Power much higher than mine.  As we face these new uncertain times, this is truth, regardless of our faith.  

I learned a neighbor of one of my daughters who lives out west, committed suicide this past week.  No one can know all the reasons for such a dramatic and unchangeable action, but it’s the sign of the times.  People are afraid; they don’t want to suffer from some invisible germ, or deal with the economic burst, also going on around us.   Yet, not one of us is promised a single breath past our last one.

The point is, must live for today--- like it could be our last one.   This is now...this is the moment we must embrace, focus on, and take the effort to move forward, even as we wait.  Worrying about tomorrow and over things we have no control is a futile attempt at being in control, that will always fail us.

We can hold onto our memories and even have dreams and goals to work toward.  But we do not own those moments.  When we rely on our memories, regardless how cherished, to move forward, we will find we are destroying the progress of today.  This is our moment---our gift, if you will.  This is now, our current center and the place we must choose to move from, ---forward – if we plan on living life to the fullest, and in the way, our Creator intended.

I encourage you to reach way down within you, dig out the remains of your faith, and be thankful for wherever you are and whatever blessings you can see--- and perhaps, even in your sadness, frustration and fear, those blessings that seem to be alluding you.  Good is all around and often more so when we are at our worst, in our distress.  It’s what we do.

Will our broken (and very ill) world see an immediate fix? Likely no, but with a positive attitude and belief in all that is good, we can change our moments so "now" is manageable regardless the situation.

Time To Do What Matters

A friend of mine has said more than once, she doesn’t feel like she matters; that she’s around to make sure domestic duties are done, meals prepared and to “fetch and serve.”  What a sad state!  How does a person deal with being nothing short of a “maid” in a relationship?  There are those who would say, “Leave!  Yesterday!”  And I suppose that’s an easy choice for some.  For others, there is a duty to staying, that unless you’re in their shoes, it’s impossible to understand.

When pressing for more depth into my friend’s emotions, she said, “I want to be appreciated, to be supported and know that he [her husband] has my back.”  

I watched a movie not long ago, a love story of course; and there was a line in it about two people who leaned on each other regardless of the circumstances so neither one would fall.  What creates this kind of relationship?  Love certainly, but “time.”  It takes time to know the other person; their likes and dislikes; their favorite color and flower; their philosophy on life; and what they expect or want from someone else, and life itself.

Time.  We all have the same amount of minutes in every day.  But it’s how we spend that time that makes the difference.  Our culture is engrossed in all things technological and digital!  We spend so much time on social media, checking our phone (glued to our hands) or our computers that even when we are working, we stop and check to see if there was an email, twitter or snapchat comment we missed!  We even have to check to see what the latest news headline is, so we can have something to chat about at the water cooler!

Is this how we were designed?  Technology is wonderful, but it has captured our identities!  It has stolen the people we were meant to be!  We now struggle with spending time one on one with another human being, whether it be someone from the workplace, our children and even our spouses!  

Time.  That single word has so many implications within a relationship. An older couple I once knew made the comment they could be in the same room for hours and never say a word to each other and they were comfortable with that.  This didn’t include while watching TV or being on social media.  They were each comfortable reading a book—or the newspaper, sewing, writing a letter or other personal interests that passed the time.  This is a ‘comfortable relationship!’

Recently my husband and I went into town.  The sun was shining, and the temperature warm.  Trees are budding, grass is turning green and at one point I even smelled the scent of a fresh mowed lawn.  I was totally enjoying it.  And I enjoyed the silence we shared.  It was amazing.  

Still, there are times when we must say what must be said, or pursue what must be chased!  Moments are precious!  That’s especially obvious in our changing world with the ‘germ’ that is stealing our loved ones.  They are our treasure!   Not a single person alive knows when they will breathe their last.

I encourage you during these difficult times, to use your ‘time’ wisely.  Spend moments with those closest to you, even though we are experiencing ‘social distancing.’  Death knows no gender, age, class or ethnic origin.  It steals without concern for those it hurts.  Spend precious moments in whatever way you can (and still remain safe) with those you love.