Friendship Matters To Everyone

I remember as an elementary student wanting desperately to ‘fit in.’  Our family moved a lot, causing my sister and me to land in a new school every year—through 6th grade!  On top of the ‘new kid in school’ syndrome,  our family was dirt poor.  Almost all our clothes were given to us and often a size too large or just a bit too small.  This set us girls up for struggles in relationships that created lasting friendships.   

I’m more of an extrovert and bounced back a little more easily than she, and didn’t wear the ‘scars’ of feeling like an outcast or ‘foreigner’ for so long, the self-esteem level became way too low!  These feelings carried over into our middle and high school years and still haunts my sister, even now as an adult.

We All Want To Belong

Friendships matter to everyone.  We all need to know we belong; to know we have value and are accepted by our peers.  The elements of friendships, are needed for a better quality of life, for our mental and physical health and even as we grow older for improved community integration.

The drawbacks to the lack of friendships can lead to chronic depression caused by loneliness, the feeling of worthlessness, and stress, all of which will allow our immune system vulnerable to a greater risk of illness.

One of the key elements of being a good friend is to be there for them when times are good and when things are not going so well.  Our lives can change in a heartbeat due to an illness, accident or other event.

Change is Difficult

When the change comes suddenly causing a lifestyle change due to a disability, it affects not only the person with the disability but family, and even friends.

I remember when a friend of mine lost a baby early in her pregnancy.  I admit I hadn’t a clue how to respond aside from saying, “I’m so sorry.”  After that, I was at a loss and therefore did nothing.  As it turns out so did most everyone else.  My friend finally admitted, that ‘doing nothing’ was doing ‘something’ and that something brought heartbreak!

It’s the same for a person who is disabled.  While they don’t want to be repeatedly reminded of what they can no longer do, they want to know that you haven’t forgotten who they are!  Their physical needs may have changed, but their heart hasn’t!  Their emotions and feelings are as strong as they always were, and sometimes in desperate need of reassurance that they are still special and still your friend!

They want to know you don’t mind sitting with them for a cup of coffee, even if the conversation isn’t especially ‘chatty’.  They want to be included in activities and realize not everything will work and that, that’s okay, too!  They may not be able to negotiate stairs or other kind of flooring as smoothly as the general population; or hear clearly or speak as eloquently, or see as well; or even have disabilities we can’t see, that inhibits processing information or following directions exactly as their peers. But that doesn’t change their need to have a friend who can see past what any one else defines as limitations!

Mostly those who have a disability just want acceptance; which includes appreciating who they are when things are good, and when things are not going so spectacular!

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Photo Credit: https://www.pexels.com/photo/woman-on-black-folding-wheelchair-2026764/