Consideration For Others

“The phone call came early”, my friend said, beginning her story, “at  6:00 a.m.!  Disoriented I hopped out of bed and headed to where I thought the sound was coming from.  Half asleep, I answered the phone, saying,  “Good morning,” as cheerily as I could muster.

“Hey, watch ‘cha doing?” came the voice on the other end.

“I was asleep.  “Why?  What time is it?”   

“8:00”

“No, no, no.  There is a two hour time difference, remember?  We are in Arizona!”

“Nope!  I forgot!  Sorry!  Go back to sleep.   I will message you later on face book.”

“Back to sleep?  Yeah right! That’s not happening. Wait!  Why did you call?  Just to chat or did you need something?”

“I need a favor.  I’ll get you later.”

“Well, alright.  Bye.” So we hang up and just as the caller promised, the favor request came via email, and  I took care of the matter promptly and sent the requested information.  For four days I waited.  No response or contact of any kind.  Finally I sent a text message.  “Did you get the information I sent?”

Response:  “Yes, thanks.”

“Now I can tell you I got really annoyed,” said my friend, as her voice rose even as she retold the story.   “Why the delay in showing gratitude?  Are we so caught up in our own lives we can’t be courteous anymore?  I was awakened at an awful hour and took care of the request made, promptly.   I feel like I’m being taken for granted!”

My friend’s questions made me stop and consider my own behaviors.  Do we take people for granted in general?  Do we not consider another person’s feelings or effort, as important as our own?  If we do, why? What happened to good manners?

My first thought goes to children and parents.  Children know their parents love them and, generally, will take care of any reasonable request they have.  Yet as they grow and begin to make decisions on their own, sometimes it feels like even they take parents for granted.  When things are going well, there are parents who don’t hear from their children, but when things are not so right, they are quick to call for advice, money or in some instances even housing!  How parents handle these situations depends on personalities and values on both sides!

Sometimes we feel like we are taken for granted by friends, as well.  It seems the same situation can apply, as with children and parents.  Other times a friend assumes you know what they are going through, and what they need.  If, as a friend, it isn’t recognized or understood, there is resentment and accusation of not caring.  They stop calling or visiting and even chatting in passing, creating undue pain and misunderstanding on both sides.

Other times, a person has no intention of taking someone for granted.  Life is busy; we are distracted and focused on the immediate goal in front of us with total, even if unintentional, disregard for those around us. We are not mind readers as children, parents or friends!  It is essential to remember manners. Be sympathetic if needed, offer a listening ear without accusation or judgment, no gossiping and love honestly.

Yet there is another area where consideration for others can cause us pause.  What about those who are different from ourselves?  Of course there is always the racial or ethnic differences with which we sometimes don’t immediately identify.

Another area where lack of consideration happens, centers around a person with a disability.  Often it isn’t intentional, but because we don’t know how to respond, we do nothing.  ‘Doing nothing’ is doing something!  And that ‘something’ can be devastating to a person who needs help or even just wants a friend or to be treated as kindly as you would any other neighbor!

If you believe you’ve been taken for granted, or otherwise offended, —perhaps feel ignored or not even seen, although you were in plain sight, consider the offender. Are you certain it was it intentional?  Could life, something most may not even be aware of, be making them oblivious to their behavior?  Think carefully; talk softly and gently, if you share your heart.  A friendship or relationship is a terrible thing to toss in the wind, to be lost forever.  And the other side of that is, being kind can be the beginning of a friendship you hadn’t even planned on!