Corralling Stress
Some months ago we were in a car accident. It wasn’t horrific and no one was hurt. My car, however received a good bit of damage. This meant dealing with the insurance company, making sure we had a vehicle to drive until mine was repaired, and other issues that generally come with that kind of incident. On top of this, my husband wasn’t well, we were supposed to travel, I had writing to do, my daily ‘domestic duties’ to take care of, a garden that needed tending and the list just seemed to bury me under. I was overwhelmed! I was stressed! I cried a lot as my world seemed to spin out of control!
On a much simpler level, yet just as intense, was when my granddaughter was in public school years ago. Each morning her stomach would hurt and she’d be sick, she’d have a headache and cry all the way to school. She was stressed!
Stress lives in everyone’s life! It can be good for you, because it drives you forward. When I was in college (as a non-traditional student) I was determined to carry a 4.0 average. I came close at graduation with a 3.8. Working toward this goal could be stressful, but I was determined, even when the subject matter seemed beyond my comprehension—Math and Science were a struggle for me—especially after not being in a classroom for thirty years.
On top of this I was married with a family and grandchildren! We had a son in the Iraq conflict overseas, one of my daughters and husband moved to another state, my husband’s health was deteriorating and the list seemed insurmountable. Yet there was a positive stress level in my goal for graduating—and doing it well!
Stress affects different people in a variety of ways. Some may cry, such as I did, make you physically sick, like my granddaughter, but it can also cause a person to stutter, have depression, be argumentative, disoriented, cause withdrawal, or compulsive talking, confusion and so much more. Each of these attributes from a single person affects the entire family.
Adults, like myself often deal with stress on a variety of levels. But when a child has a disability they find themselves juggling much to keep a good balance in the home and that, too can cause stress. But it doesn’t stop there.
Like my granddaughter, children are often affected with stress. That can make them work harder to succeed, or it can break them, depending on personality and abilities. When you add a mental disability, the stakes are even higher.
Children can recognize they are ‘different’. That doesn’t mean they are wrong, just different. Yet there is a stigma that becomes attached to the ‘different’. Peers may not be kind or understanding. He becomes frustrated with what he can or cannot do. Developmental and physical transitions seem challenging and complicated and cause worry and anxiety about being able to do what is expected. They become stressed and this further complicates successes.
Fear grips all of us and in my view this is part of the ‘stress element’. I became fearful of all the ‘stuff’ I was afraid of not completing or getting figured out after the accident. My granddaughter was fearful of the classroom and not fulfilling expectations of her teacher, her parents and even herself!
Parents are fearful of not doing the ‘right thing’ for their children (disabled and non-disabled). And the disabled child is fearful of all he does not understand and anxious about what is going on around him, what others think, and so much more!
It’s paramount that as stress levels rise, we find relief. Sometimes it’s just crying (like I did) until the crisis passes. Other times it means talking to someone close to us about our worries, or perhaps even a professional. Other times it requires medication and learning coping strategies.
Sometimes it means planning self-care like soaking in the tub and relaxing, taking a walk outdoors in the bright sunshine, or even in the cool briskness of early morning. It may mean losing yourself in music, riding a horse, exercise or a hundred other ideas which help you relax.
Stress is real. It can crush you unless you are able to corral that energy in a positive way. It takes determination but it’s well worth the effort.
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