Happy Grandparent’s Day
I am a grandparent seventeen times over (plus one who didn’t live) and I adore my grandchildren! They are all very different and range in age from 27 to the youngest who is almost 4. They live all over the United States. Three live in Pennsylvania; four in Maryland; eight in Wyoming and two in South Dakota. There is one with disabilities (although with lots of love and help from family and the medical community, she is fully functional, and her disabilities are often now, invisible). While other of my grandchildren have serious gluten and dairy allergies!
Sunday, September 8 is Grandparents Day. It’s the day we celebrate the gift of grandchildren. This may be an unorthodox perspective since usually it’s ‘our day’ and we are the ones being celebrated. Let me just say while I’m grateful for being a grandparent, I’m not nearly a perfect one!
What happens, when we are surprised and ‘gifted’ a child with a disability? I’ve heard horror stories about grandparents who are repulsed by the idea. They can’t understand ‘how it could happen to them’; and completely reject the child. Relationships are broken because they can’t grasp that a child birthed to their son or daughter could be any less than their perception of perfect!
But what is ‘perfection’? Each child is born with a heart that beats, needs that need to be met, emotions that want to be realized, acceptance that needs to be offered, and love that wants to be shared. These sweet babies want, need and deserve the exact same attention that any child craves.
Understanding on the basic facts about the child’s disability needs to be realized not only by the parent, but also the grandparents. As grandparents, it doesn’t require expertise; but a general knowledge will aid in overcoming fear and anxiety while being near the child.
Time is a huge factor in any relationship. As mentioned many of our grandchildren live in states with numerous miles in between! This requires notes, cards, phone calls and visits when possible to keep the lines of communication open, as well as, letting our grand babies know they are loved, even when we can’t see them often! This is often even more necessary for the child with a disability, because they need the reassurance their ‘differences’ aren’t driving or keeping us away!
Additionally, if there is an emotional disability filled with anxiety, relationships can be even further strained, as children have a difficult time interacting with others. As parents decline invitations out, because of this, some family members may respond negatively.
As grandparents, it’s important to remember the parents are doing what they believe best for the child, even while it’s hard on them! Be supportive of the parents even if understanding doesn’t come easy. This will build a positive relationship all around.
If distance is an issue, when possible, provide help via a ‘care package’ geared toward the interests of the child(ren), including the non-disabled ones! The gifts need not be grand or expensive, but when purchasing gifts, remember all the children in the family The other children sometimes feel left out, given all the extra needed attention given to the one with a disability. They all deserve your love and attention equally.
One of the greatest ways to be an awesome grandparent —to any grandchild, regardless of ‘ability’, is to be ‘present.’ Gifts are always welcomed by children, especially if it’s on a wish list, or geared to their interest. But sitting with a child reading a book, talking about where you visited last or an experience you had—-even from your long past, can be a huge boost to any child!
When immediate contact is not available, send a video of you reading a story via email, or saved on a USB, to be seen over and over again! Let your all your grandchildren know they are important to you, are an integral part of your life and most of all that you love and accept them, just as they are!
Photo Credit Happy Grandparent 1-3
Photo Credit: Grandparent reading