Exclusion Should Not Be An Option
I didn’t fit in when in high school. Our family was poor as dirt, and while most people treated me kindly, I didn’t attend sports events, dances, or belong to extra curricula groups like band or newspaper, etc.
But there was one occasion where not fitting in really hurt. A friend who sat at our lunch table was having a party. Everyone at the table had been invited except me. I only discovered this when a guy at the table asked me a question about the party. I explained I wouldn’t be there. He asked, why and I told him simply, ‘I wasn’t invited’. He was livid. He even offered to not attend on my account, which seemed ridiculous to me—and I told him so. But the damage had been done. I was again, going to be excluded.
Everyone wants to be included, whether it’s at playtime when we are toddlers, to elementary school, right on up through high school when we are trying to discover who we are. As adults, that doesn’t change. We still want to be part of a ‘group’— to have friends we can count on, or talk with, perhaps even share secrets with.
When we discover we ‘don’t belong’ because of someone’s careless words, behaviors, or even an oversight, we can be wounded to the core of our souls and find our self-esteem and confidence plummet.
The Invitation Came, But…
I was reading the other day and came across an article about a wedding. Invitations were sent, one of which included to a good friend of the bride. The ‘good friend’ however, was in a wheelchair. When the friend asked the bride-to-be if the venue was wheelchair accessible, her response was a glib, “no, but surely you can find someone to carry you up the stairs.”
Perhaps the bride with all her other preparations hadn’t thought of the difficulties the venue could make on at least part of her guests. When a person isn’t intimately aware of these kinds of needs, it’s easy to forget; but the response was, in my opinion horrible. The bride’s reaction seemed almost insulting and disrespectful, given she knew about the disability, it wasn’t just an oversight.
A much better approach would have been to make sure all guests could attend (assuming you really wanted them there). As a friend, it would be appropriate to make certain accessibility is available for the entire ceremony and the reception afterwards. Is this an inconvenience? I suggest, only if you don’t want the person there! Further, not making sure your ‘friend’ could attend displays the importance —or lack of importance— of your friendship.
Consider The Venue
A similar situation arises when friends are all to meet somewhere for a meeting, dinner, or even coffee. Consider the venue. Is there even a thought to wheelchair accessibility for the friend resigned to a wheelchair? Not all establishments accommodate these needs. Sometimes a simple phone call or ‘google search’ can eliminate any possibility of the ‘uh oh’ moment when everyone arrives.
If we call ourselves ‘friend’ then we need to support, include and advocate for those who have difficulties over which there is little or no control. Persons with disabilities want to fit it socially, just as every other person on the planet. They want to be included in the lives of their family, friends, and in their community. They deserve to live the same kind of lifestyle as their non-disabled counterparts!
When we, as ‘friend’ can go the extra mile to help navigate some of the controllable variables —like accessibility, transportation, or even anxiety triggers— surrounding our disabled friend, we have gone a long way to exemplify what friendship is. Exclusion should not be an option.
#exclusion #BeConsiderate #Inclusion #ChoiceOfVenue #DisabilityVenue #FriendshipCounts #CommunityAndDisability #InvitationToAWedding #IDon’tBelong #ConsiderTheVenue
Photo #1 Credit: https://www.google.com/search?q=free+pics+of+birthday+party&client=safari&channel=iphone\
Photo #2 Credit: https://nmeda.org/wheelchair-accessible-wedding/ (Great site for more information!)
Photo #3 Credit: https://pixabay.com/photos/old-few-sea-pension-pensioners-4890664/