Breaking the Anxiety Barrier
I’m a chatty person, and generally have little issue talking with anyone. That said, sometimes I am at a loss for words when I encounter someone with a disability. I can be cordial, certainly, but unless I actually ‘know’ the person, conversation comes harder.
In high school I recall a friend who was burned badly in a car accident when she was young. The scars weren’t always visible. It totally depended on what she wore. I never had the courage to ask what happened. I felt it would be rude and unkind of me to even mention it. That said, we honestly were good friends all during our high school years and even after we graduated. I haven’t a clue how I learned about what happened and still have never discussed it with her.
What makes us so uncomfortable around a disabled person? My first thought is ‘not wanting to be rude, insensitive to their plight, or embarrassed that we know so very little about being disabled and what all that entails’!
Others suggest, in a word, ‘fear’. We’re not afraid of the person, specifically, or even afraid of ‘catching’ what they have like we might catch a germ to a cold! We are often more insecure about our own emotions. Our minds wander to the ‘how do they live like that?’ How do they handle day to day stuff? Who helps them when they can’t accomplish what they need to?’; and the questions keep coming! We’d be aghast at asking any of these questions which bombard our being; but we also might be just a little afraid of blurting out what our minds are thinking!
What is protocol? I’m not sure. Most people with a disability can sense when those they interact with, are having a level of anxiety, probably due to their unease of the disability. One person made the comment that she was “not a piece of glass, and not going to break” We all know a disability is not contagious, yet we shy away from it. My friend was not disabled, but I still shied away from ever bringing up the subject of the significant burn scarring.
There are plenty of ways to overcome this barrier, if we are really interested in having any type of genuine relationship with a person who has a disability. One way to become oriented with any disability is to learn something about it, specifically. Another might be to volunteer at a facility or with an organization which provides services for those with disabilities.
In my heart, however, the best way to see a relationship grow is to spend time with a disabled person. This is what anyone would do if a relationship was desired with someone who did not have a disability. You may set up a time to share a cup of coffee, (be cognizant of wheelchair accessibility if that is relevant to the disabled person), or offer to ride to a place they need to go if driving is a challenge, especially if there is reason for you both to be there anyway. It may not seem so obvious if the meeting place is already mutual. But time driving/riding is a great place for conversation.
Life is too short to let our personal fears, and another’s perceived limitations stop us from forming sound, wonderful friendship! We each have a desire to ‘fit in’ and belong with (and to) those we share mutual environments with. This may happen in the workplace, at school (college), church functions, volunteer organizations and the list goes on!
Greeting each other, regardless of ability —-or lack of, offer genuine friendship and respect, and your world and theirs, is likely to be a lot more pleasant! Let’s break that anxiety barrier!